Father in law has been completely rude!(14 Posts)
Hi, I've got to have a rant, I've bit my tongue for long enough and can't keep calm anymore!
So my other half and I are expecting a baby in a few months time.
I moved up to live with my partner last year (we currently live in the West Midlands) but we have decided to move back in with my parents because of my health, financial reasons and I want to be nearer to my mum as travelling 2 hours on a train just isn't what I like doing and I don't want to be doing that once baby is here. They live 1 hour and a half away from where we and my OH's family live. Now my OH has said he is fine with moving down and personally I think as long as myself, my OH and our baby are happy then nothing else matters.
My partner had told his dad that he would be moving and recently I saw a load of text messages on my OH's phone from his dad basically slagging me off.
Some of the things he had said were,
that I was ruining the relationship
asked why we are moving before the baby is due.
My partner also told him I am poorly, I'm not going to go in to full detail as it is personal but then his dad had the cheek to say that I wasn't! Which I found hurtful and quite upsetting.
He even had the cheek to say that I hadn't even given living in the West Midlands a go, I have been here a year and the city life just doesn't appeal to me so I think I've given it my best shot! I much prefer villages like where I have grown up which my OH understands that and always said we could move back to my hometown.
From the beginning when we found out we were having a baby he has always had a few remarks to say, told us some of the baby names we liked weren't nice and even said we had to have a christening for the baby, even though I am not religious and my partner isn't bothered about having one!
I just can believe how rude some people can be! Am I getting wound up about nothing or am I being reasonable?
Sorry that this is a really long post I just really needed somewhere to vent my anger.
You might not get many answers due to where you've posted. If you want to try and get more traffic you might want to ask MNHQ to move this to AIBU.
It does sound like your FIL is being rude. What does your DP say when FIL is say these things?
Why were you sneaking reading DH texts messages? That's really not on.
How do I ask MNHQ to move this?
He doesn't say anything as he doesn't think his FIL has done anything wrong. I don't think he likes the whole confrontation which is why he lets so much slide when things have been said.
I wasn't sneaking through his messages, we use each others phones on a daily basis. His dad sent him a text and asked me to read it to him, that's when I saw the previous message mentioning me. He'd clearly forgotten about the text I think otherwise I don't think he would of asked me to go on to his message.
I'd move it to Relationships rather than AIBU!
Your FIL needs to wind his neck in.
Moving back in with your mum rather than travel sounds a bit extreme . Is your partner ok with this? Are your health issues such that you'd struggle to look after your baby alone?
Expect FIL is just upset about his son / grandchild moving away. Cut him some slack. DP needs to set him straight about your illness and need for more support though.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don't worry my FIL is a dick too and did something similar to me when pregnant, I ended up losing the rag and basically telling him to F Off.
Some people are very meddling , just ignore him and keep distance and let your husband deal with his moans.
If you don't want people to pass judgement on names tell them you haven't decided on any names, that soon sorts that problem out.
Moving in with your parents might seem a bit strange to him, maybe he thinks you are trying to get baby to be close to your side and distant from your DP's side. He could be worried that he's slowly losing his son and grandchild?
Moving to be closer to one side shouldn't really be driving a wedge between you but it just seems like it is, just my thoughts on it.
No, that's not on and he is trespassing all sorts of boundaries.
Your DP needs to be kind but very firm. Hopefully your FIL will come to understand that he doesn't have a say in where you live or your parenting decisions.
How your DP handles it is really crucial.
I strongly advise you don't brood on this. Agree with your DP that he's going to make it clear what's up for comment and what's not. Then move on.
I do totally understand that he would be upset as I would be too if it was my son/daughter. I moved for him even though my parents didn't want me to but they would never dream of being so rude about my DP which is what upset me.
My illness can get quite server at times which is why being closer to my mum would be easier as I have her there to help me. I also suffer from anxiety which that thrown in with my illness can get quite bad. My mum and DP are the only people that know about my illness and I don't personally think it is everyone's business to know the full details, personally I think some things are private.
Moving back in with my parents will be financially more helpful for us whilst we save up as I won't be in full time work any more so it will be my DP bringing in most of the money and also as it's my first baby my mum has said she will be there to help us etc when needed as she has flexible hours which is helpful as I don't have anyone here where I am living.
Every woman I have spoken to like my sisters, my work colleagues and DP's female relatives have all said that all they wanted when they had their first baby was to be with or near their mum which is what I would like. At the moment that is not physically possible.
It's as if his dad just expects us to live in the West Midlands forever just because he has, even though DP and I have talked about moving to a new town way before.
I never get this thing whereby your parents or PIL tell you you 'MUST have your baby christened '. What has it got to do with them?! My DD had this with her MIL and my GD. FFS her MIL is an ATHEIST!
or so she says.
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