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boyfriends cousin has an issue with me

(13 Posts)
helpitsmyfirst Mon 16-May-16 17:10:02

My other halfs cousin is getting married at the end of summer and I'm due to give birth beginning of July, when the invite was given to us it was only addressed to my boyfriend and his son from a previous relationship and I was told that it was immediate family only in the day time, which is fine but at the same time would our new born baby not be considered as immediate family too? The way I see it is both kids are the same so why only invite one and not the other? I'm really funny about them being treated the same especially by my family in regards to my step son.
But not just that but I don't think its immediate family only cause at the engagement she only said hi to my boyfriend and turned her back on me as I was just saying hi and walked off. I had thought maybe she didn't remember who I was as we'd only met briefly once before at a big family meal and her family and my boyfriends family's were at different ends of the table and the engagement party was the first time I had seen her since as I used to live an hour and a half away before moving down or she had been working when I could go do I never got the chance to get to know her properly. But when msil arrived we were all sat together and she said she hadn't even seen her cousin to say hello to her and I said that I had felt bad cause I didn't think she recognised me and didn't get a chance to say hello, so when msil stopped her to say hi she asked if she had been introduced to me yet cause I didn't get a chance to say hello and she replied with "yea we already met" as I was about to start a conversation she again turned around and walked off.
Now I don't know what to do whether to go to the evening do or me and baby just stay at home? Not sure if it's me be hormonal with pregnancy (I have been all over the place crying constantly at the moment)
Also sorry for the really long post

pluck Mon 16-May-16 17:27:48

Are you included in the invitation as well? It doesn't sound like it, from this post, but maybe you've missed that off as it ought to be obvious. smile

However, it sounds as though you don't yet have enough information to take offence. You don't really know one another, and it's possible the baby is included by default in your invitation (however, if you haven't got an invitation, then you can probably take offence. Engaged couples and couples with a baby together really ought tobe invited together, unless it's a VERY small do).

helpitsmyfirst Mon 16-May-16 17:43:44

The invite was only to my boyfriend and his son and we were told verbally that me and the baby will be invited to the evening. But same as you I would always invite engaged couples and couples with kids together, but it's not even for me really just that they've only invited one child over the other, the baby will be about 2 months old so it's not even as if they have to pay for him. Maybe I'm just being hormonal :/

MissMargie Mon 16-May-16 18:08:37

She sounds rude and unpleasant - and she could be making a deliberate point by missing you and baby out. But baby will never know if he was invited or not, being at a wedding with a baby is a bit of a pain, very tiring trying to keep them amused.
Unless you have to socialize with her regularly I'd just not go. But have a firm and clear talk with DP to make it clear that this mustn't happen again.

Or you could all just go in the evening so DP can help you get there with baby.

helpitsmyfirst Mon 16-May-16 18:29:47

I thought she was but wasn't sure if I was over reacting. I had thought shall I just use baby as an excuse of trying to set him in a routine to not be able to go. I've had words with my DP and said I wasn't that one of the kids was invited and not the other. He under sands where I'm coming from but feels stuck in the middle cause it's his cousin, but I've said he should go as its family but we don't know yet if his sisters boyfriend is invited and if he is my DP will not be happy he's already said that x

2nds Fri 03-Jun-16 05:19:34

I have two kids no way would I take a newborn to a wedding, family or not. This is your first baby, you have no idea how you will be during recovery, you might not want to go to the wedding at all.

When my youngest was nearly a year old my fiancé's nephew got married. He invited everyone apart from us. At the time I was so upset, however looking back here was a couple tying the knot who clearly didn't want any babies at their big day. I would have preferred to be told by fiancé's nephew or his mother that we weren't invited, but they left it to 80 year old grandad to tell us.

Anyway I'm wondering if you haven't been invited because they don't want young babies there? Perhaps they don't want a baby crying during the ceremony etc. To be honest you haven't given birth yet, you really don't know how recovery will be for you. I bled for about 6 weeks after my first baby and about 8 weeks after my second. First baby was a nightmare feeder, constantly feeding, second baby was in hospital for weeks after the birth and when she did get out she was not good at feeding, and was always throwing up.

I know not being invited is not a nice feeling, but I'll bet that wanting to be invited to a wedding will be way down on your list when you have baby. If anything I think your partner should decline his invitation so he can stay home and help you that day.

AddictedToCoYo Fri 03-Jun-16 05:42:10

How old is his son from the previous relationship and is there a chance that she is still friendly with his ex?

helpitsmyfirst Sat 04-Jun-16 00:34:52

He was toying about not going at first without me suggesting anything but her dad (his blood uncle) died about 6/7 years ago and feels he should be there and to be honest I wouldn't want him to not go cause I would feel bad, I tried thinking of an excuse to not even go in the evening but then we all realised its on a bank holiday Monday.
His son is 5 and has no idea who she is or anything and no she's not friendly with her as far as I'm aware, she can't stand her and my sil was telling me that they were all slagging her off at the hen do (she puts up half naked selfies and calls herself a model confused)

FeckTheMagicDragon Sat 04-Jun-16 00:39:41

How about you both just go to the evening do? That way he turns up to show his cousin he's happy for her AND you jointly make an unspoken statement that you, him and the children are a family unit.

helpitsmyfirst Sun 05-Jun-16 09:19:38

It's all been paid for now, my boyfriend knows that I think it's so rude of her and he does agree with me. I'm tempted to just not go at all because apparently they are all excited to see the baby in the evening but he'll be nearly two months so want to get him into a routine but not sure if IABU and childish to not go?

Brokenbiscuit Sun 05-Jun-16 09:25:46

She couldn't have invited your baby, who isn't even born yet.

I agree that it was rude not to invite you, with your DP, but I'd use that as an opportunity to duck out of the event altogether.

helpitsmyfirst Sun 05-Jun-16 09:34:23

I understand that the baby isn't born yet it was the immediate family only comment that hit a nerve but I was really struggling at that point with emotions of moving away from my family etc, so I do think I was probably over react, but just the way she's treated me in general in the past when I've seen her grinds on me as she doesn't know me to treat me that way. I think also because I am close to a lot of my family if there's a new gf/bf we all try our best to make them feel welcome. (There's a lot of us on my side of the family, so we understand it can be daunting coming to a family do of ours for the first time smile)

helpitsmyfirst Sun 05-Jun-16 12:48:13

Thanks everyone that has commented though, means a lot smile
I am feeling a whole lot better about it all, I think it was my hormones making me mega sensitive normally I'd just laugh it off and think whatever grin xx

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