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Creepy man... am I overreacting?

(50 Posts)
lauralou16 Thu 28-Apr-16 21:48:00

Right so,sorry if Im writing this in the wrong place or whatever... I have a nearly 3 year old little boy,every day we walk the same way to his nursery and on the way there is a lollipop man. For some reason from the first day I seen him he has made my skin crawl. Hes always really REALLY nice to my son,which is fair enough. Except when we walked today he started talking to him and saying that he had seen him the day before in nursery playing in the yard with the toys etc. Like he had been watching him or something? Is it just me thinking that theres something off with him or? Would it sound completely stupid if I mentioned it to the nursery?

pippistrelle Fri 29-Apr-16 11:04:47

So, did he see him in the yard playing with the toys? Is it visible from the street? If it is, then he's allowed to look in. Many people enjoy the sight of children playing, and it doesn't mean he was ONLY looking at your child. If it's not visible from the street, then I would ask the nursery if they've had him in for a road safety talk or something.

But really, what does it matter? It's not like your two year old is going to be left alone with him.

usual Fri 29-Apr-16 11:06:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PirateSmile Fri 29-Apr-16 11:08:43

Lollipop men and women are all CRB vetted. The ones I know are the friendliest, chattiest people I've ever known and every one makes an effort to speak to the children, especially when they're really little. Mention something to the Nursery if you feel he's done something wrong but get your facts straight before you do.

JazzApple Fri 29-Apr-16 11:13:17

Much as I think you should trust your instincts, he's just doing his job. It's expected that the lollipop person outside a school will talk to the children. It would be strange if they didn't. They see them every day so they are going to notice if they get a new coat or if they are early when they are usually late or whatever.

And they usually finish their first shift and start their second when the school/nursery is still on so they are going to see children when they are outside.

SarahVineTory Fri 29-Apr-16 11:15:52

Just because someone hasn't got a conviction it doesn't mean they have never done any wrong.

Trust your gut.

MTPurse Fri 29-Apr-16 11:16:27

What exactly will you mention to the nursery?

The fact you have a friendly lollipop man or the fact he could see the kids playing outside?

Cunties Fri 29-Apr-16 11:18:11

I always trust my instincts however they haven't always panned out to be correct. So, I would just acknowledge there's something about him you don't like, and move on.

Arfarfanarf Fri 29-Apr-16 11:23:28

A dbs check doesn't mean anything except that you have never been caught doing anything criminal. It isn't evidence of character and it doesn't mean a person is safe.

That said OP, I don't see what he has done wrong. His crime appears to be that you don't like the look of him, he's really nice to your son and he made conversation with him and saw him playing.

He's a lolly pop man, they do get to know the children. My friend is a lollypop lady and she is very fond of the kids and them of her. They chat to her and she knows names and I think that's good. If she sees them at other times, she speaks to them then too. And the parents. They are supposed to be nice and kind to the children.

Maybe he was watching him play. Maybe he was watching them all play. There isn't anything wrong with watching children play. I live opposite a school and I love to hear them laughing and shouting at playtime. It's such a nice sound. It's nice to watch little children running round a park, just thoroughly enjoying life in a way us oldies don't any more. It cheers you right up.

Your child is not at risk with you, or at nursery. You also will be teaching him about safety and about good touching and bad touching and about not going with anyone no matter if he thinks he knows them unless you say so and all the things you have a responsibility to do.

Anyone can be a risk, you always have to be cautious and take all sensible and reasonable precautions. But you have to weigh up actual risk too.

Earlgreywithmilk Fri 29-Apr-16 11:23:49

I think he's just trying to be friendly and you're being a bit paranoid. You would probably find if you were to stand and watch him on his shift that he's the same with the other kids.
It's a shame that paranoia over paedo's nowadays means we are suspicious of a friendly lollipop man chatting to our child (that hyped up Chris Morris sketch comes to mind)! - would you be so concerned if it were a lollipop lady?
Maybe he's just a bit over-familiar and that makes u uncomfortable? I would mention it to other mums before saying anything to the nursery I mean what can they even do about it? Tell him to stop being so friendly to the kids?

Maryz Fri 29-Apr-16 11:32:59

Oh my goodness, a man was nice to your child shock

How creepy.

CandyFlossBrain Fri 29-Apr-16 11:34:46

Instinct counts for a lot. It certainly counts for a lot more than the opinions of some strangers on a forum who have not met the person in question. Women are always told to quash any uneasy feelings because not all men, etc. Fuck that. His apparent right for you to not hold any private negative feelings about him does not trump your desire to keep your child safe.

Go over stranger danger with your child, you could talk about trusted people and point out the difference between teachers and the lollipop man/dinner servers. And you could ask the school to confirm that he has been CRB checked for your own peace of mind. Ask around with other parents too, in a neutral tone, what do they think of him? He will not be removed from his job because you find him creepy, but it won't hurt anybody for you to ask about his CRB status, and find out what other people's thoughts are.

usual Fri 29-Apr-16 11:34:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PirateSmile Fri 29-Apr-16 11:35:05

Of course somebody could be a sex offender who isn't on the register/has been CRB checked. It kind of goes without saying really.

PirateSmile Fri 29-Apr-16 11:37:01

This also reminds me of a story Arthur Smith told about when he pulled a funny face at a child on the tube. The mother called him a 'peado.'

firesidechat Fri 29-Apr-16 11:37:09

Here we go again.

The most likely explanation is that he was being nice and making conversation.

Why would he mention stalking your son if that's what he was doing? Think about that for a moment.

Yes you would be crazy to mention it to the nursery.

CandyFlossBrain Fri 29-Apr-16 11:37:23

Oh my goodness, a man was nice to your child

You know you're being disingenuous, she says in the OP that she found him creepy before that. And I'm sure he's not the first man to ever be nice to her son, and I'm equally sure she hasn't found them all creepy...

BertrandRussell Fri 29-Apr-16 11:37:55

Yep. Over reacting massively.

And the one of the scariest things anyone can ever say is "trust your gut" or "follow your instincts"

They just mean "act on your prejudices" and that's how lynch mobs happen.

CandyFlossBrain Fri 29-Apr-16 11:38:22

Why would he mention stalking your son if that's what he was doing? Think about that for a moment.

Because he might be a bit thick?

No-one will be harmed by the OP checking that everything is in order.

usual Fri 29-Apr-16 11:38:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

firesidechat Fri 29-Apr-16 11:39:41

I would mention it to other mums

Why would anyone do this? It's spreading rumour and gossip because of a massive overreaction on the op's part. Poor man.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark Fri 29-Apr-16 11:41:15

Is your child's grandfather friendly to him?

Does that creep you as well?

because...y'know...statistically, it's far more likely to be him fiddling with Junior than the nice bloke chatting at the crossing.

firesidechat Fri 29-Apr-16 11:41:17

Yep. Over reacting massively.

And the one of the scariest things anyone can ever say is "trust your gut" or "follow your instincts"

They just mean "act on your prejudices" and that's how lynch mobs happen.

Yes, yes, yes to this. I've said the same on other threads like this.

PirateSmile Fri 29-Apr-16 11:41:28

How would you go about asking if other mothers find the lollipop man creepy "in a neutral tone?'

BertrandRussell Fri 29-Apr-16 11:41:39

"No-one will be harmed by the OP checking that everything is in order."

Oh, you have no idea how much harm can be done by rumour mongering and gossip.

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