Lonely and stressed(2 Posts)
This might be a long one but i need it off my chest. I have two things on my mind
I have a wedding in 6 weeks and i am saving and paying for things but to the point i'm crying everynight, partner is also stressed, luckily the bridesmaids agreed to pay for their own things as they know we have a son and a house to pay for and struggle with the money. What doesn't make things easier is my 3 bridesmaids, one of them is my sister and seems to care more about her boyfriend. Second bridesmaid is my sister in law who decided to go to south africa until the week off the wedding and will be having her dress fitting that week and needs to get shoes etc yet the other one is a childhood friend who says shes skint but can buy expensive meals and outings, she as everything to pay for. I want to help them out but i can't even afford my wedding bra and honeymoon clothes :'( i just wish they would show more interest but scared to tell them as i already feel horrible that they are paying for their own stuff. I do wish i didn't ask them to be my bridesmaids now, as they show little interest
I am sooo lonely, i have no friends and never have! Primary school, highschool and college i thought i had friends but they would laugh and talk behind my back and never stood up for me when i was bullied. Since i left 10 years i let my weight go because my confidence and social life is so depressing. Many times i thought i had friends and even made two of them godparents to my son, one of them saw me less and less to the point he doesn't see or speak to me, other one getting to be the same, my other friend i thought i had since college, made new friends and disowned me. Now this couple from work that me and my partner we got along with so well as also started being the same, hardly messaging us or seeing us. Seriously having a breakdown, i'm eating and crying more, i see less of my parents and sister now they work more hours, my partner is having to work more hours for wedding and i only work 2 days, rest of the time is spent with my 2 year old son. I don't have any confidence or social life, i don't have any money to go and do things. Seriously starting to blame myself for it all but my partner says i being too hard on myself as i'm a lovely chatty person. I don't get why i have no friends, i have asked some of them but they just say they are too busy and have no money, but yet i see pictures on facebook of them eating and drinking all the time with other people
You sound very stressed, OP. And it could be that stress about your wedding is colouring your view of the friendship issue, and making you lose your perspective. You have a partner who you're marrying so doesn't that make you feel less lonely? Isn't he your best friend? Is it more that you feel like you lack friends? Having a young child is the perfect way to make new friends if you can go to playgroups and activities on the days when you're not working.
To be honest, I find the wedding thing more puzzling, and I'm not sure why you're having quite a big wedding - at least I'm assuming it is as you're having three bridesmaids, none of whom you seem particularly close to - that you're struggling to pay for. But perhaps you just got carried away in the early stages of planning. It's probably too late at this stage as I expect you're committed but look for ways to cut back. For instance, you don't need new clothes for a honeymoon. Yes, it's always nice to have new clothes for any holiday but it's really not a priority if you're struggling elsewhere.
I hope you can find a bit of balance, and enjoy your wedding.
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