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Do we have a moral right to inherit our parents' money?

(74 Posts)
sobernow Mon 17-May-04 23:01:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fairyprincess Mon 17-May-04 23:02:39

Nope - my stepmother got the lot!

Tinker Mon 17-May-04 23:14:30

No - just posted a reply and it's not appeared! Want to write more, not enough time. Should be a good discussion

princesspeahead Mon 17-May-04 23:19:19

Nope, I think parents can do what they want with their money! I must say I've never thought about it in relation to mine, but I don't particularly expect anything. If they spend it all first or leave it all to charity that is fine with me (as long as it isn't the bloody RSPCA!)

ScummyMummy Mon 17-May-04 23:27:17

I think if you're going to leave dosh to your kids you should divide it fairly but I don't think they've got any right to expect it. I hope mine aren't expecting anything because though I definitely plan to leave them all me worldly goods they don't amount to much as yet!

ScummyMummy Mon 17-May-04 23:27:52

my goods, I mean, not my kids who are great.

CountessDracula Mon 17-May-04 23:29:18

I want my parents to spend it all having a good time. They have worked for it so they should enjoy it. If they choose to leave it all to my brother for eg I will respect their wishes entirely.

mummytojames Mon 17-May-04 23:32:21

i dont think its right that people should expect to recieve money but at the same time i dont think its right that the state should get it if my parents chose to leave everything to charity then good on them the only thing i have requested being a only child is that i get her rings (wedding engagement and eternity) and they have no value at all except sentimental value

JJ Mon 17-May-04 23:34:02

I expect to be given something, just because I've been forewarned. Plus my parents have a house and some land.

My sister and will work it out easily and we'd both be thrilled if they left it all to charity. (Except the house -- it's the center of our family and extended family. If my parents die, I'll put her and me on the title, but not our husbands.)

But like inheriting money? I can only think of the expenses....

(and yes, I am morbid, and yes, I have planned for the costs)

JJ Mon 17-May-04 23:35:49

Um, didn't mean to sound like I don't want my parents to spend money... I do! I try and make them. I buy them things to shame them into spending something.

It's just that I do know we're going to have to deal with this, so we have a plan.

Ghosty Tue 18-May-04 02:12:35

I am glad that my parents don't have any money ... my dad actually says that if he has money he spends it on himself and my mum ... he can't see the point in it if he can't enjoy it ... and I agree with it.
DH's parents are something else. Part of me feels that as they are such crap parents and grandparents they owe DH and our children something sometime ... BUT I have said to FIL and Step MIL and MIL that a good relationship between them and my children means more to me than any money they might leave us - all on deaf ears I hate to say.
In answer to your question sobernow ... No I don't think we have a right to expect anything ...

toddlerbob Tue 18-May-04 04:29:03

I actually get annoyed with PIL obsession with having something to leave to their children. I just want to shout "look just go out and have a steak, start enjoying yourselves and start looking as if you are enjoying yourselves!"

BIL needs support as he has a disability so I can understand them wanting to make sure that he was going to be looked after when they were gone, but really I'm not at all interested in their money I just wish they'd cheer up a bit. I know money can't buy happiness, but saving it doesn't seem to be helping either!

My own parents seem to be spending all their money coming to NZ to see us. Brilliant! I would much rather spend time with them now rather than spend their money when they were dead.

robinw Tue 18-May-04 06:16:51

message withdrawn

katierocket Tue 18-May-04 06:20:16

robinw - at some point could you explain dependants please.
my father is a nightmare and has not made a will despite having a fairly large amount to leave. Not at all bothered about the money BUT the hassle of it by which I mean he lives with another woman who presumably would have a claim and I just feel for my poor mum - they are from the old school generation where everything is in my dad's name, the house she lives in etc.
The only reason he hasn't sorted it out is because he thinks he's immortal! seriously though it does worry me because it could leave behind such a mess.

Janstar Tue 18-May-04 08:36:31

As others have said, I'd be happy to see my dad spend his money on enjoying himself. He certainly tries, with his frequent trips to Thailand and his Thai wives (he's on his second Thai wife at the moment!)

He has told me that in the event of his death I'm to make sure his wife has an agreed sum and then split the rest between my sister and I and possibly my brother 'if he is behaving himself'! and Dad has a will backing this up. If it turned out he spent it all then fine. If we can't provide for ourselves by this age then we're pathetic!

The only problem would be my dad's house, which is like a huge version of Steptoe & Son. It'd be tempting to get a house clearance, but he's the sort of man who's collected antiques and collectables, you'd have to go through it all item by item, and it would take six months!

sobernow Tue 18-May-04 08:48:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

muddaofsuburbia Tue 18-May-04 08:53:34

My mum and dad are spending like there's no tomorrow now my brother and I have left home. But then my dad keeps mumbling things about death duties, so because of that I imagine in a few years I might start getting some larger cheques at Christmas and birthdays

Piffleoffagus Tue 18-May-04 08:58:27

My dad died intestate (everything went to us kids, incl the debt) mortgaged up to the hilt - NO mortgage protection and underinsured, we had to sell his house to pay the mortgage off, my parents were divorced and Dad had lied to mum about being ok if he died (history of sudden male death at age 49 in his family line)
so it was a total shock to her, she was working 3 jobs to pay her own mortgage, 2 of us kids were living with dad, and going to uni, my youngest bro was at secondary school. It decimated our family, I had to quit uni while an A student, my brothera girlfriends parents bailed him out to continue the 3rd yr of his law degree, we were homeless.
While I did not want any cash or the high life, I think you have a reponsibility to those you have made a committment to.
My in laws are very wealthy, my DH knows what he is in line for as it has all been discussed openly, but we by no means are banking on it and intend it for our children to go to uni if anything, but we are saving for that separately ourselves.
I is not our right, if they wished to live it up and spend it all, they should.
I would never contest a will, I am written out of my mothers will as is my younger brother (after fall out from dads death) but my youngest brother is inheriting it all. It is her wish, she adores my kids but will not change her will to include them... I know why she is doing this and I know she is very harsh, but it is her choice totally. I hope it makes her happy in heaven
TRust me contesting a will leads to those left aliove with you, being embroiled in hate forever.
I would not recommend it unless you are totally dependent on them still.
Waffle over, hence piffle...
SOZ!

bluestar Tue 18-May-04 09:01:54

My nan left quite a bit of money to my dad (only child) and to be honest, the family agreed that we would have rather she had spent it on doing some of the stuff she talked about (like a cruise). As she was widowed young, she found it hard to spend the money (didn't want to travel alone and most of her friends were married) and got great enjoyment out of spending it on her grandchildren. I am pleased though that my parents have a great time enjoying the fruits of their labour, lots of holidays and being able to buy what they like. I do believe that you shouldn't ever rely on inheritance as you should make your own way in life but I think as parents you feel that you want to leave some security to your children, the family house etc. I would hate to think that (if my parents remain in the house that I grew up in) anyone could have a claim on their house without me & my sister first having the opportunity to keep it in the family IFKWIM.

littlemissbossy Tue 18-May-04 09:03:32

My parents have been savers for all of their working lives. In fact, my Dad is still working, in his late 60's, with no plans to retire full-time. With regards to the money that they have saved, my siblings and I have told them to blow the lot and enjoy themselves. I have no expectations of receiving some grand amount of cash and TBH I really don't care if there's nothing left by the time they pass away as long as they've had a good life.

Mirage Tue 18-May-04 09:06:48

I'd be happy to see my parents spend every penny they had & don't expect to be left anything.Our situation is quite complicated though,with a family business owned by my parents & uncle & aunt being where all the 'capital'is.Dad is retired,but until uncle retires,can't sell any land or buildings ect.If it were sold,they would all be very wealthy,but it is their money,not mine.They are the ones who worked every day,including Christmas day,for years & only ever had 1 two week holiday in their lives,so they should enjoy it while they can.

No one in the family apart from us,has made a will,so it is going to be very complicated if something did happen!

LipstickMum Tue 18-May-04 09:12:25

I sincerely hope that my parents don't feel obliged to leave something for my sister and I. I am certainly not relying on anything they will leave me for my future. My parents, I'm sure like many others, worked hard for what they have, were lucky in the property boom and have done (and still do)so much for their children. If they need to cash everything in to live their retirement, good luck to them, if I found out they were scrimping and saving so they could leave my sister and I the house, for example, I'd be really cross!!

jampot Tue 18-May-04 09:23:34

I don't think we have a moral right to expect to inherit parents' wealth. When my mum died she left a will leaving everything to be split between myself and my two sisters (my dad had predeceased her). The will hadn't been changed for about 6 years (pre-grandchildren). However we all knew she had been seeking advice from Prudential and we knew the advisor. After her death I was a little surprised that she hadn't left anything to my dd although I had not given it any thought when she was alive. The Pru advisor told us that mum had put aside £25k in a bond only 3 months earlier "for the grandchildren". She hadn't been advised to change her will accordingly and must have assumed that it would automatically go to "the grandchildren". It was in her name so it became part of the "pot" which was to be split equally. My older sis and I each put our 1/3rd in an account for the children but my other sister wouldn't as she thought that if she'd had kids they would have benefited too. It did cause quite a stir emotionally within the family.

baldrick Tue 18-May-04 09:24:08

My dad left his house and its contents to his children (my sisters and I) but whilst our stepmother is still alive she has the natural right to live there...she has said she'll leave it all to charity and not let us have anything...tbh, I don't care....some people can get very money grabbing when wills are about ans personally having the memory of that person is the nicest thing...you cannot take it with you...aand also if my mum were to leave nothing to any of us it really wouldn't bother me...she is enjoying herself and it is not our right to have it...although a little mometo would be nice

jampot Tue 18-May-04 09:27:33

Baldrick - if your dad has left the house etc to you and your sisters your step mum can't (I'm pretty sure) leave it to anyone else as it isn't hers to leave.

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