I miss her..

[fawkes182]

My nan passed away yesterday.. she was 87. She lost her husband (my step grandad) in Feb which was a shock to us all especially her. She rang my mum to say she had a chest infection over the weekend.. rang again Monday to ask if she could come and stay as she didn't feel well so my dad went to get her n took her to the docs where she got antibiotics. He brought her home and she went to bed. Couple hours later he went up to go to the loo and saw her leg sticking out.. thinking she may have fallen asleep on the loo and didn't want to embarrass her he went back down stairs to wait for my mum who 5 mins later was home. She went up to check but she was gone. My dad rang me n my brother to go round as my mum was besides herself.. when we got there my nan was in the bed and it was a real shock to see her. We waited with my parents till gone 9pm when she was taken away. I was very very close to this nan.. I spent all my childhood holidays with her and adored her.. I have an autistic son who is very upset as he knows her and knows what's going on. I'm due my second child on Sunday. . All I keep thinking is how she will never meet my son or how I will never see her again.. I'm so low and depressed I just don't care about anything.. Im not even excited about my baby arriving anymore which I know is horrible. I'm hoping when he's here I will change. I suffer with anxiety/depression as it is and i'm worried I will hit rock bottom and i'm worried I can't love my child. I had post natal with my first son but that was due to being in a violent relationship with his dad. I miss her so much it hurts... I just hurt x

[Catzpyjamas]

fawkes, I am so sorry for your loss

[Bicnod]

Oh love, sending hugs. I lost my grandma this year too. I was very close to her and I miss her terribly. It really really bloody hurts doesn't it? That tight little knot in your chest. I bet she was looking forward to meeting your baby and I really hope you find comfort in your little one when he is born. My daughter was only a couple of months old when grandma died and having her needing me so much kept me going I think. You can do this. X

[fawkes182]

Thanks guys, sounds silly but I just don't think it would hurt so much if she had met him, she doted on my eldest and was over the moon when she found out I was pregnant, esp after loosing her husband she was focused on the baby but now I just feel empty. My step grandad was the first grandparent I lost and I struggled with that but this.. this really really hurts.. more than when I lost him which sounds horrible but it just hurts more. My mum lost her dad 2 weeks before my brother was born so I never met my real grandad, my step grandad ended up dying in a very similar way to him which was scary.. and now my nans gone a week before I'm due it's like history repeating itself. I just don't know what to do... I keep hiding my tears from my son as he will panic and I kinda do that anyway I hide my feelings. I just feel so low.. I can't bare it.

P.s bicnod so sorry to hear your loss, and I'm glad she got to meet your little one :-) xxxx