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I've been reflecting on Caron Keaton's death ...

(21 Posts)
carla Wed 28-Apr-04 17:40:59

... and wondered how anyone knows they are about to die. I have a few aches and pains that worry me, but - surely, if you're that ill, you should be in hospital with all the support possible. My dad died from cancer, and in the end could only drink 'foods'. Is it possible (and this is big sis putting ideas into my head at an early age, so might not be true) that some people really have only a week to live?

aloha Wed 28-Apr-04 17:49:29

Not sure what you mean by this - Caron Keating was in hospital until she discharged herself to see her children at home. Sometimes illnesses do have no more treatment that can save life and you will die no matter where you are so if you'd rather be at home then you might choose to be there. Of course, we all only have a week to live the week before we die, but it is very hard to predict exactly when anyone will die, no matter what illness they have or how old they are.

lars Wed 28-Apr-04 17:51:55

Carla, I too have been reflecting on caron Keaton's death and how sad it was. I do believe that you may know when the time is coming and perhaps you try to linger on for the last few days or weeks. It was obvious that caron wanted to be home and buried at St Peter's at Hever the place where she was married and finally she could rest at peace. I'm very sad to hear of the loss of your father I do understand fully your emotions on the subject as I lost my father a few months ago. larsxx

lars Wed 28-Apr-04 17:52:20

Carla, I too have been reflecting on caron Keaton's death and how sad it was. I do believe that you may know when the time is coming and perhaps you try to linger on for the last few days or weeks. It was obvious that caron wanted to be home and buried at St Peter's at Hever the place where she was married and finally she could rest at peace. I'm very sad to hear of the loss of your father I do understand fully your emotions on the subject as I lost my father a few months ago. larsxx

sassy Wed 28-Apr-04 19:48:36

Carla, I do think that sometimes people can know when their time is imminent, and that when they feel it is, they can exert enormous resistance in order to do domething they feel they NEED to do.Perhaps this is what happened in Caron's case.
When my mum died me, my dh and my youngest sister got a call from my dad to say that he thought she might die that night. We were about twenty five mins drive away, so got straight in the car to go over. According to my Dad, Mum was listening intently, despite being very weak, drugged and in pain, and waited until she heard our car pull up. She died as we ran up the drive. I felt devestated to have missed her, but now just feel so peaceful and proud, cos she hung on until we were all home - just like when we were kids and she couldn't sleep until we were all safely back.

Janstar Wed 28-Apr-04 20:08:00

Sassy, how poignant and precious that memory must be. I have tears in my eyes.

lou33 Wed 28-Apr-04 21:24:08

The night before my mum died, she finally acknowledged how sick she really was, and begged for us not to let her die. So yes, I would say we know when the time is coming.

baldrick Wed 28-Apr-04 21:30:08

sassy, that is very touching and can feel my eyes welling up

suzywong Wed 28-Apr-04 21:31:08

I believe people know when they are gong to die.
My FIL suffered from Alzheimers at a vey young age, he was 65. He went in to residential care the week our first son was born and didn't even recognise his own wife and quickly became frail and emaciated.
16 months later his respiratory system was having trouble. My BIL, a GP, called us from Australia on the Wednesday to warn us that Dad was becoming very poorly. We got the last two seats out of London to Perth and arrived on the Friday evening. We were fortunate enough to visit Dad twice before he died peacefully on the Sunday morning.
The last time we visited his bed, he took both his sons' hands in his and looked at them with alarming lucidity. The next day he died. I believe he knew he was going to die and he waited until all his family was present, to see them for the last time to say goodbye. Then he was able to leave.

Oh dear, this is making me cry all over again, because it was so tragic to see his demise and because it was so human and powerful that he was able to summon the strength and lucidity to say goodbye.

lou33 Wed 28-Apr-04 21:48:57

Suzy ikwym. My brother was in Germany when mum went downhill, and he got the first flight back. She waited until he got there to say his goodbyes before she died, so she had everyone important in her life with her.

baldrick Wed 28-Apr-04 21:59:50

tears in eyes suzywong..my stepfather developed Alzheimers in the last 10 years of his life...he seriously deterioated forgetting his own daughter...yet the day before he died he was with my sister and lay down in the grass, felt the dew, listened to the birdsong and was at one with nature (he was a real outdoors person, spending nights in a tent on the scottish highlands because he loved being outside)...I think he knew....

suzywong Wed 28-Apr-04 22:07:32

Sassy, Lou and Baldrick
It really does happen doesn't it.
I often hope that I have the strength to hold on for my boys when my time comes.
Oh dear, sorry to get so slushy!

lou33 Wed 28-Apr-04 22:09:08

Definitely Suzy. And mum had been pretty much unconscious all evening, but when my brother arrived she tried to make some sounds, like she was saying she knew he was there.

popsycal Wed 28-Apr-04 22:10:47

when my granda was on his last legs, my mum and dad were there.....they thought he was going to go but he hung on for 6 hours until my aunty - his other daughter - arrived and said 'I'm here now dad' then he smiled and passed away

baldrick Wed 28-Apr-04 22:12:58

agree, day before my father died was saying how we'd love him to live nearer, to buy a house a house near us and he's be fit and well soon...he had that wistful look in his eyes...where eyes get big and watery for a second or two....he knew he was dying but it was so dignified as he had been a drunk for a lot of his life yet he was so calm....I think about him every day...

lou33 Wed 28-Apr-04 22:13:49

I might have to stop posting on here, it's making me too emotional.

suedonim Wed 28-Apr-04 23:35:59

Such experiences as these are amazing, I think, and a tribute to the human spirit.

My 84yo grandfather was in hospital with cancer but not all that ill, iykwim. He had no pain, was walking about, eating etc. I went to see him one more time before going back home and he said goodbye in a particular, very meaningful way. The morning after we arrived home mum phoned to say Grandpa was dead. He'd told the nurse he fancied a nap and took himself to bed. When she checked him 15mins later, he'd gone.

One thing I've always found quite hard to get to grips with is what happened to a friend. She had had cancer but apparently recovered. She was at work on a Monday, but had a cough the rest of the week until the dr suggested she went to hospital to be checked out, on Fri evening. Her dh settled her into the ward, then left. When he got home, about 10mins drive, the phone rang and it was the hospital, to say his wife was dead.

I mean, how can you be at work on Monday and dead on Friday? It's always made me feel the line between life and death is very thin indeed.

lou33 Thu 29-Apr-04 10:01:05

I keep coming back.

My mum died in a hospice. She only went in for a break iyswim, and was due to come out again after about a week. I think she felt safe there, so decided it was time to go. Am totally convinced of it.

lou33 Thu 29-Apr-04 10:01:54

I should add, that even though she didn't want to die, and asked us not to let her, she felt if she was going to go, that was the place to be.

Twinkie Thu 29-Apr-04 10:04:00

Russ Kane - the guy on Capital Radio also lost his wife this week - she was only young and had breast cancer which spread to her liver they found out just after she had had her twin boys - the thing that amazes me - in what I have read about her and Karon Keating is the calmness and dignity that seems to take over - I picture myseklf screaming and cryiong saying I don[t want to go but they seemed to be almost etheral in their calmness and acceptance of it all - like Paul Mertons wife they both in the end decided that conventional treatmenmt was not going to work and had holistic treatmant and tried to get as much out of the time they had left - truely inspirational!!

bundle Thu 29-Apr-04 10:04:06

my mum's mum died when she was 80, a few years back. the last time I saw her I remember clearly her pale blue eyes, bright with tears & a "look" that afterwards, I knew she meant "goodbye".

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