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I used to want three and now I have one I am not so sure...

(10 Posts)
RuthT Mon 05-Jun-06 19:55:45

DD is now 10 months old and fellow compatriots in the NCT all discussing next one. We are all around the 35 age mark so there is a bit of pressure to procreate before you lose the ability

This makes me feel confused because I am not that sure I waver between wanting three and then not wanting more than current one.

How on earth do you decide to have another one.

DD is just a delight and I love being able to focus on her and enjoy her growing up. From a financial and liefstyle perspective having No 2 would really change things. I am stuggling to go to work and having No 2 would mean giving up career totally. Then I think of how much harder it gets as they get older.

Clearly if you have two you wouldn't do without them because you can't imagine life without them. How about if you've got one? Do you wish you had had another?

I voiced this the other day and was made to think I was being selfish only having one.

I am sure I am not the only one who's been here....

Notquitesotiredmum Mon 05-Jun-06 21:16:20

My bf was exactly the same as you and decided to stop at one for all of the reasons you describe. Nature had other ideas, however, and she went onto have dd2, very reluctantly. I have to say that she is very very happy now and planning no 3, having decided that daughters are much more fun than having any money/dignity/life of your own. Sorry. That wasn't really what you wanted to hear was it?

Best friend had her kids at 38 and 40 by the way. I had mine at 38 and 41, so you may have some time to decide . . .

mazzystar Mon 05-Jun-06 21:19:37

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

summermummy Mon 05-Jun-06 21:23:21

I could be you! Same age, almost same age dd, always wanted 3 but absolutely loving every stage of her growing and also really enjoying the equilibrium our little family life has now reached and feel protective of it. WHen I was pregnant with dd I was SO excited but since she was born I haven't been able imagine ever being so excited again and I think I'd miss the whole amazingness of it all.

BUT I know deep down I know that in 10 years time (or less) when its not physically possible anymore, or when I reach the age when I'd ofcourse have a wonderful famil of 3 adoring grown up children, I'd regret it. You might feel differently when your NCT crowd stop talking and start doing..the first of mine are now pregnant again and it has started my mind wandering towards all things tiny again!

notanotter Mon 05-Jun-06 21:26:26

time will be the decider - i wanted only 1 for different reasons my ds1 changed my world and WAS my world for a while back there...now planning number6!

Norah Mon 05-Jun-06 21:30:44

My dd is 5.5 now and I have always said that she will be an only child - until this week when I have suddenly got really broody and really really now want another ! I'm 39 btw and have only been back at work for 8 months - so lots of stuff to think about before deciding - but - what I wanted to say was that you shouldn't feel pressured by anyone else ! Enjoy your dd now and you'll know when the time is right - if it ever is !

draggedthrooabush Mon 05-Jun-06 21:37:23

Had my first at (almost) 30 and my second at 32. Always said I wanted 3 too! Don't know now as 2 is very hard work! Husband defo only wants 2 but as we have had 2 boys he is a happy man! (Not that I'm not happy just not convinced I'm finished yet)

Don't think there is ever a right time to have a second. I initially wanted a bigger gap than I have but I conceived quicker than we imagined second time around and now I am glad of our 2 years 3 month gap. It works well as DS1 was toilet trained and in his own bed and past the jealous stage.

Don't know yet if we're finished or not. Maybe if I can ever leave the house before 10 o'clock I might be convinced. P.S we are up at 6am.!!!

Donbean Mon 05-Jun-06 21:37:58

hm, im in the same boat as you on this,
My ds is nearly 3 and up until recently we always spoke of the subject as "when" we have another and not "if".
However my ds has been hard hard work form the get go and i am now seriously thinking that no, i simply couldnt cope with going through it all again.
Im 36 in a month and like you feel that i need to get a move on if we are going to go for number 2.
I posted the very same convo about a month ago.

threebob Mon 05-Jun-06 21:45:06

Ds is 3.3 and I am not planning any more, I am enjoying being past the buggy and nappy stage, I am enjoying having enough money, I am enjoying only having to work 15 hours a week, I am enjoying uninterrupted sleep.

I work with babies and so I figure if I was going to get broody I would get broody!

Wait and see how it turns out for your friends. you will only be a single year older if they all start breeding now, but a year older could be a year wiser.

What's selfish about wanting to have one child? The child will never know any different.

nicnack2 Mon 05-Jun-06 21:54:48

i was 32 when i had ds1 and ds2 was born 3 month ago and i am 36. i can remember from the day ds1 was born that i wanted another. tbh i dont feel that same way since ds2 was born. dh is 10y older than me and although he would not stop us form having a third i take into consideration his age. If we had been younger we would have had more. unlike my bf who i feel is wanting a third just because others have had i feel haapy with my two, but if mother nature wishes my genes to recreate again so be it but there wont be any active planning.

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