do you ever wonder that if your children had been conceived at a slightly different time, they could be completley different children?

[lucykate]

i mean personality, gender, looks wise etc..

or do you think they are the ones you were destined to have?

[emkana]

Sorry to be miserable, but this is a sore topic for me.

I often think that if I hadn't pestered dh to try and make a baby at that particular time, then I wouldn't have had all this trouble with the pregnancy and the worry...

[milward]

Sometimes think that!!

[lionhearted]

Emkana

[poppiesinaline]

I had a dreadful time with DS1 when he was a baby, reflux etc etc and once found myself sobbing on my sofa wishing I had fallen pregnant a month later.

Wouldnt change him for the world now of course :)

I reckon it would be a totally different child - different egg, different sperm = different child. I think even if you fell pregnant the same month, if a different sperm had fertilised the egg you would have a completely different child. Weird to think though isnt it?

[Rhubarb]

I like to think that we were destined to have ours. Dd was a complete accident, to this day we've never fully figured out how she got here! So I kinda think that she was meant to be. As for ds, well we weren't being ultra careful but we didn't plan either. I think we got the kids we were meant to have.

Fair enough question though.

Emkana, hope things work out for you!

[Northerner]

Silly question I think. What's the point in that?

What if and all that. As my Dad would say - 'There's no point to IF - If my auntie had balls she'd be my uncle but she hasn't.'

[Rhubarb]

lol at your dad!

[sweetkitty]

I think they are the ones you are meant to have.

When you think about it I bet there are plenty of other months an egg nearly got fertilised, or got fertilised didn't implant or something else went wrong and you never even knew about it. So each little one that does make it is so extra special.

emkana thinking of you

[eidsvold]

I believe my two girls were the ones I was meant to have - have grown and learnt so much since having them especially dd1 - know it was meant to be.

[Twiglett]

what .. do you mean because their star signs would be different they'd be different?

poppycock

[2mum]

They would be different children cos it would be a different sperm and egg.

[poppiesinaline]

thank you 2mum. Was beginning to feel a little lonely in my opinion there!! LOL

[blueshoes]

The mind boggles! Thinking of the permutations of eggs and sperm ...

[Twiglett]

sorry .. that's ridiculous

[blueshoes]

I read somewhere that the conditions for a woman to fall pregnant naturally are so specific (ie planets aligning sort-of-thing) that it is a wonder that a woman falls pregnant at all. So in a sense, we are destined to have the children we do.

[LadyCodofCOdford]

no

[notanotter]

lucykate - i spend A LOT of time dwelling on this - seriously! Its wierd that baby would not have been that one if next night or next month - i go all kind of philosophical and fate - stylie thinking about it - i agree with you!

[Twiglett]

you're all feckin' barking

[LadyCodofCOdford]

notter you think too much

[lucykate]

maybe this explanation will help twig, the reason behind this is that its been on my mind alot over the past few weeks. ds has just turned 1, before i had him i had 2 mc's, the first being after we'd had scans and seen a heartbeat, so was harder to accept. but, when ds arrived, it was strangely comforting as it really did feel like he was the one we were meant to have.

yesterday was the funeral for my brothers baby, she was stillborn at 31wks into the pregnancy. it was overwhelmingly sad. my hope for them is that if in the future, they decide to try again, that they too gain some comfort as i have been able to.

hope that makes a little bit of sense

[notanotter]

cod - i do!

[lionhearted]

It made sense before, I think, but so sorry for you brother and your family.

[singersgirl]

Sometimes, in a general sort of way. The other day we drove past a house we nearly bought and I found myself thinking about whether everything else would have been different (children included) if we had moved there.

Don't really understand words like "destined", though. Things just are. Right now things are very noisy so must go and sort out!

[Twiglett]

I think its very understandable to grieve for babies that have been lost and wonder what kind of child they would have been .. I think its incredibly sad and my heart goes out to all those affected

of course those that have been lost would have been different children as we are all unique individuals

but I think the ones we have are by their very nature the ones we are destined to have

[Twiglett]

but I think 'destiny' is a bit of a misnomer .. its only 'destiny' in retrospect .. before we make these choices the future is non-existant .. once those choices are made today is the only today we can have

I don't believe in parallel universes .. although the concept allows for a lot of pretty good fun sci-fi