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What does it say about you if you...

(23 Posts)
emkana Wed 31-May-06 20:49:21

... haven't got that many friends?

Dh gets on very well with his work colleagues and goes out for a lunchtime drink with them once a week, he has one friend locally whom he has known since childhood but they hardly see each other, he's close to his family - but really he is quite happy to stay at home every night or to occasionally go out with me for a meal.

I have quite good "mummy" friends who I see in the daytime, and occasionally for a meal out, but I'm not that close to them. Also friends at home in Germany who I hardly see at all, apart from when they sometimes come over to visit.

We don't have friends to have Sunday lunch with or to have dinner parties with or anything like that. From reading magazines etc. I get the impression though that that's the norm and you're odd and a bit weird if you don't have many friends.

So what do you think? What's it like in your life?

expatinscotland Wed 31-May-06 20:53:41

no, you're not weird.

about the same here.

spacedonkey Wed 31-May-06 20:57:39

I think there a few issues here: for one thing, this idea that "everyone" has a big circle of friends that's put about in the media is a myth I think, and anyway, who says it's better to have lots of friends than to have just a few?; for another thing, a lot depends on what you class as a "friend" - I have noticed that the people I know who have lots of friends tend to classify what I would call acquaintances as friends. And finally, it's down to personality too - I tend to have few friendships, but those I do have are close ones. I am naturally a bit of a hermit, and don't want to be in a constant whirl of social engagements. Plus I think that when you have young children there's so much less time for socialising, that has an effect too.

expatinscotland Wed 31-May-06 20:58:45

young kids and endless dinner parties don't mix unless you're nigella.

space is right, it's all bollocks you see in films, mags, etc.

Piffle Wed 31-May-06 21:00:21

I have one person nearby but not close friend
i have on old old friend in Scotland but she suffers badly with depression and hates kids, so we converse only rarely.
I feel I should have more, I know I could... but I don't want to

Pruni Wed 31-May-06 21:01:48

Message withdrawn

helsy Wed 31-May-06 21:06:58

I agree with Spacedonkey; I don't think what you read in the media is really an accurate portrayal of most people's lives, and it's about what you're happy with anyway. I have four or five close friends, two of whom live nowhere near us, DH has one and maybe it should be more, but we have nice neighbours and the children have friends and we're happy with that. My DS can't go on holiday or out for a drink with her DH without at least twenty "friends" accompanying them, and that would be my idea of hell!

lionhearted Wed 31-May-06 21:11:28

Mislaid them all along the way,I'm afraid.

cherryberry Thu 01-Jun-06 16:36:55

I'm quite strange in that I love to socialise during the day but ask me to go out to a party in the evenings and I will try and avoid it like the plague.I think it's crazy going out late when you're tired after a busy day.I have loads of acqaintances but to be honest only 2 friends locally who I see maybe once a week or 2 weeks.I have 2 good friends who live very far away.I stopped seeing one friend because she was always presuring me to go out with the girls in the evenings.I just couldn't do it I would have been miserable.I have a lovely home life and am very home minded.I really don't want any more friends than I have.I'm really happy with the balance.If we get invited to too many social activities I get quite tearful.Dh always makes me go,I always feel scared like I'll have nothing to say.But when i get there I always enjoy myself I'm crazy really.I have a bit of a thing about being boring because I don't have a very good education.

FioFio Thu 01-Jun-06 16:39:33

Message deleted

Marina Thu 01-Jun-06 16:50:27

Well, I've got three really close friends, none of whom live closer than 100 miles away...and the rest of my good London pals I met on here!

FioFio Thu 01-Jun-06 16:52:46

Message deleted

blueteddy Thu 01-Jun-06 16:53:55

Message withdrawn

Marina Thu 01-Jun-06 16:58:25

I have always envied my sis, who does seem to have this lovely Bohemian social life involving a core gang of about eight friends and friends she is clearly close to all over the UK.
She got them all together recently for one of these idyllic-sounding Cold Feet house parties in a country cottage and the lot of them fought like ferrets in a sack and clean forgot they were meant to be there celebrating her birthday and making a big fuss of her.
And one of them went on a bender and drank the wine supply also!

azroc Thu 01-Jun-06 16:59:50

I'm fairly unsociable, I think, and a bit shy, but I also like staying in with the children and feel that's what I should be doing. Things were different when communities were more close-knit and neighbours not only nodded at each other, but actually knew each other's names and chatted. I suppose local mums stuck together more and that made them feel more sociable.

SaintofGeorgia Thu 01-Jun-06 17:00:43

Just what spacedonkey said. Spot on.

FrayedKnot Thu 01-Jun-06 17:04:54

No, pretty much the same here.

I have recently started working and get to go on nights out with workmates every so often, which is great.

Have always been good friends with work colleagues (last place I worked I was there 10 years), so have recently "lost" those friends from leaving work and moving home.

Ditto the new "Mummy" friends I made in post natal groups etc.

The only friends that would come to our home atm would be really good, old friends, but it would be rare, as they all live miles away.

FloatingOnTheMed Thu 01-Jun-06 17:04:55

Friends have always been really, really important to me, and i have a close circle of friends (a la Friends lol) and in the past have always made a huge effort to socialise with work colleagues etc. But when i had dd my friends narrowed and i learnt who my real friends were (ie that close circle) and have lost touch with all the others except for perhaps the odd email. (The fact that i was the only one with a kid prob had something to do with that too).

It took me ages to get over the fact that i wasn't in the middle of a social whirl any more, but i now just really appreciate that close circle of friends (about 8 or 9 of them) - nearly all of whom were in the hospital waiting room for hours while i was giving birth! My boyf on the other hand has tons of friends and while it's fun to go out & see lots of ppl and have fun, i now know what is really real and important, and that's home & family & the ppl who you can welcome into that in a completely relaxed way.

Tortington Thu 01-Jun-06 17:13:03

i'm very choosy as to who i call a friend and am unapologetic or paranoid about it. i have one great friend in all the world. the rest have come and gone. i have a good time with a couple of other people. but wouldn't call them friends - they are aquaintences - a rubbish word but one which fits those people who you socialise with infrequently but who you wouldnt cry over if they never rang.

meowmix Thu 01-Jun-06 17:20:19

i have three best friends who I will confide in, some work related friends who I socialise with and a few childhood friends that I love dearly but don't have a deep level of trust with. I prob see my best friends every six months or so because we live all over the place and childhood friends less than that. Work friends are all in London so I see them more.

DH has 3 friends, only one of whom is a close friend.

sickeningly my BEST friend is DH and we're really happy socialising just the two of us

charliecat Thu 01-Jun-06 17:22:00

about me it says i am an antisocial hermit who cannot be arsed with the effort of having friends, having the phone ring, people wanting to eat into my time...

scienceteacher Thu 01-Jun-06 17:22:23

I think you are either going to have a small circle of intimate friends, or a larger circle of more shallow friendships.

kalex Thu 01-Jun-06 17:27:18

Very few friends. But the ones I have I would walk on fire for!

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