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Sitting here silently seething ....

21 replies

joelalie · 19/05/2006 18:09

..with resentment.

We live in a cul-de-sac and all the kids play together all the time. Which is fantastic. Especially when it's sunny 'cos they are all outside getting loads of exercise and fresh air. But when it's wet somehow they all end up here. And I'm beginning to resent it. Have a feeling that all the other parents reached this point a few years back which is why they don't allow other kids in. Perhaps I should be stricter but I do appreciate that it's great for my children to have others to play with. And they do like to make me feel guilty if ever I say no.

BUT......I have just cleaned the house (which is a nightmare with 3 very messy kids when I work most of the time). I left for school to pick them up and the place was spotless. Withinn 10 mins of getting home there were 3 knocks on the bl*dy door and now I have 6 kids instead of 3. The front room was full of discarded shoes and coats, all the PS2 games were all over the floor (again!!!!) and now they are all up in my DD's room and by the noise I would guess it's being trashed. I have called DD and DS#1 downstairs to tidy up their coats and shoes hoping that it would strike a chord with the others too...but it didn't. I am so angry atm that I'm sure they can feel the heat rising through the floor . I don't want to say anything because I have a feeling that I'm being petty and my children are happy but this situation is really starting to wind me up. All the children here are nice enough individually but together they take on the character of a cloud of locusts I have had my moments before now when I've had a generalised shout at everyone 'cos of the noise or mess and they've all sloped off leaving me feeling guilty. But how come I'm the only parent on the street to be in this position. Must be a bldy pushover..... Do I really have to start playing the bad guy to get everyone to stop taking the pss??

....need [resigned shrug] emoticon.

Anyway...thanks for that. Feel better now...

OP posts:

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tracyk · 19/05/2006 18:12

Is it not dry where you are - you can pap them all out in the street?
Is it nearly dinner time that you can ask them to leave?
You need to get yours to go and knock on others doors earlier to beat them before they arrive at your door!

tracyk · 19/05/2006 18:14

or maybe you need to have a 'meeting' with all the other parents and devise a rota? I'm sure they will understand if you can explain it rationally. Maybe make it more formal - that if you all take turns then you can organise 'catering' of some sort? or is it more impromptu than that?

SaintGeorge · 19/05/2006 18:16

How about justing saying no next time they all turn up?

It is your home not the local community centre. You have to get tough.

spacecadet · 19/05/2006 18:16

i had that problem where i lived before, ds's best friend lived at the bottom of our garden and he and his sister would pop over the fence and end up in my house, i started putting my foot down and saying, they can come in the garden, but not in the house, if it rained, they got packed off home, simple as that.

joelalie · 19/05/2006 18:18

No it's wet ...that's the problem. We have playhouse in the garden and it should be ideal for them all to go out there...but they don't stay there...they just keep coming in and out with wet feet!

I know - I keep trying to get them to go and call for their mates...but even if they do they all end up back here somehow Perhaps I should only let them all in on the understanding they all sit silently in the front room reading improving books Atm DS#1 and his mate are playing Star Wars using home made light sabres and old clothes for cloaks. DD, DS#1 and two girls are playing some sort of pretend game that involves jumping about on her bed.... and shouting a lot.

Yes it will be dinner time soon and after that it's generally accepted that no-one comes in. ..phew....

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joelalie · 19/05/2006 18:20

Tracy - no it's totally impromptu.

SG - I know I should be tough and I do sometimes say 'no-one's coming in' but I feel like such a misery when I say it and theit little faces fall . However I think I will have to toughen up as it's a battle for my sanity!!

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Twiglett · 19/05/2006 18:22

if you want them to keep coming over then set house rules and make them stick to them

eg everybody hangs up their own clothes and shoes .. everyone tidies away before they leave

if rules are broken they can't come back for a week

be firm

Twiglett · 19/05/2006 18:22

or say you can play in the playhouse but no-one is coming in the house

SaintGeorge · 19/05/2006 18:23

Trust me, the guilt soon passes.

If it makes it any easier for you then specify certain days of the week when it is ok to have friends over - then stick to your guns on the other days.

They will soon get the idea. They will learn to occupy themselves without friends and be happy about. You might even find that suddenly they discover that their friends actually have houses that they can visit

SaintGeorge · 19/05/2006 18:25

about it.

Sod me and my missing words today.

Set Twiglett's ground rules on the days they do visit too.

tracyk · 19/05/2006 18:25

soon be summer!!

tracyk · 19/05/2006 18:26

maybe you should start to become a nuisance to them in some way. Maybe keep asking one of them to come and help you with something every 15 mins. There must be a reason why they come to your house and not others? or go in and out of their rooms hoovering or tidying.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 19/05/2006 18:30

joelalie - it used to be just like that in our house. It's great to begin with but you get hacked off with it day in day out. Plus you feel responsible for them and I've known other parents just to up and go out leaving their kids with me without even letting me know

You do need to agree some house rules, coats and shoes tidy, tidying up before they leave, no raiding the fridge......

Mine are teens now and it still happens to some extent - they're either in the house or it's assumed I'll be the taxi driver whenever they want to go anywhere. Funny how other parents are always busy...

Put your foot down.

joelalie · 19/05/2006 18:31

Ha! Like the idea of being a nuisance!! Perhaps I should ask to be allowed to dress up and join in the pretend games! That would put my DD off....

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saltire · 19/05/2006 18:32

Oh, we got this last summer. We bought a biggish paddling poole, 6ft by 4ft, and on the odd hot days had it up. I went in the house to get towels to find Ds2's "friend" (child x)and the 2 kids from the house opposite had just appeared in the garden, in swim suits and were playing in the pool with my two! Child X's mum would NEVER let any other kids in their garden, " cos it's only for Y to play with". Y being the baby brother who had climbing frame, sandpit, slide, swings, see saw etc, all to himself. I got to the stage where i was getting really resentful as it also meant a neve rending supply of biscuits, uice and ice-lollies, and again, no other mums ever provided them
I just put the foot down and said no, if they wanted to play, then they did it outside. Now it's calmed down a bit, and other kids mums do take turns at having them in.

joelalie · 19/05/2006 18:37

Ah no...I never feed them. Just in case it encourages them like they say about rats...

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joelalie · 19/05/2006 19:44

Ahhhhhh....they've gone. DS#1 is outside carrying on his game in the cul-de-sac. DD was in tears when her best mate had to go (but I was ruthless). DS#1 has had a bath so he's happy. I've just opened a bottle of white so I'm happy . And bl**dy DH still isn't home from work.....something tells me he's gone for a drink as I told him he couldn't go to the gym this evening if he was going to be late home .....bit of a vicious circle maybe....

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nightowl · 19/05/2006 19:50

i often end up with a load of kids in my garden. one of ds's friends will come over, then all the others are asking...seems spiteful to say no when i have others here but it usually ends up that i have about 9...i can barely cope with my own two. i just wish sometimes they would go and play in someone elses garden! i wouldnt mind, but when they are in my garden, im responsible. grrrrrrr....

joelalie · 19/05/2006 19:53

Precisely Nightowl! Sounds like you and me are at the same stage...

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WideWebWitch · 19/05/2006 19:58

You need to lay down the law imo. Either don't allow them in your house or, the minute they set foot in it, tell them and your children that you will be making them tidy up before they're allowed to leave/have supper. And stick to it.

WideWebWitch · 19/05/2006 20:00

And my mum used to take the view that if none of the other parents allowed it then she wouldn't either. So if she felt it was x's mum's turn to have children there she would say no, you can go to x's house if x's mum will let you, it's her turn. Could you do that?

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