Really worried about my 17 year old brother, advice please.(19 Posts)
He has a blog page and I dont think he remembers giving me the URL ages and ages ago when he first started it. I think he sent me an email with it in but as I never mentioned it and neither did he, im not sure he knows that I still flick through it every now and again to see how things are with him
Anyhow, a few months ago I was shocked to read that he was gay (Had always thought so though) He hasnt told any of us and it says on his blog that hes not planning to either, so im the only one who knows (except he doesnt know I know iyswim) I dont have any problems with him being gay, I just want him to be happy, but the problem is that he isnt.
Theres this guy he talks about alot, He says he is in love with him, I can identify with that as we all remember our first loves and the intensity of the feelings that go with it... But, Over that last month or so, his entries on the blog have got more worrying imo. He has never actually spoken to this lad (although they are in the same college class) but knows an awful lot about him (even down to his mothers maiden name!) but it seems to have gone further than that. He has been taking photos of this lad on his phone and also video clips. As far as I can tell this is without the lads knowledge.
It also mentions that he gets the wrong bus home every day just because this lad does and has followed him a few times.
He says he is planning to tell him that hes in love with him, I think his behaviour is becoming obbsessive and is unhealthy... or have I just got old?
He lives at home with our mom and younger brother and although I go round quite often I dont see him much as hes either at college or on his computer. There is quite a big age gap between us so we have never really been close and our family isnt the 'talking' type.
Am I worrying un-necessarily?
What would you do or think?
I also feel guilty for reading the blog, but it is on the www and he did give me the link...
He gave you the blog addy, therefore it was open for you to read.
On that basis if you have an open relationship with him, raise it in a non threatening way and maybe joke about him souding like a bunny boiler
FWIW I did some stuff like that as a love struck teen...
I think he would be totally gutted to know that I knew he was gay though as its very clear in his blog that the family are not too know yet - and that includes me!
i dont really know about blogs so bnot sure how they work. could you maybe email him in a chatty way. ask him how is blog is going/does he still have it/is it popular that sort of thing. then see what his response is. basicly its a gateway to letting him know that you are aware of it and that he can be open with you without you actually saying "hey ive read what you put".
if he opens up to you then you can become more quizzical about this guy from college and offer him some advice on that basis.
He probably sent you the blog address as a way to tell you he's gay my dp's 19 year old brother is gay and he told his older sister this way. As far as the bunny boiler thing goes he's 17 and I remember getting quite obsessed with people at this age and cringe thinking back LOL
Tamba - do you think he maybe gave you the URL as a way of letting you know that he's gay? You say he says on the blog that he's not going to tell the family, but I just wondered. Maybe he'd like you to make the first move.
And I agree with Piffle - I did stuff that would amount to stalking as a lovestruck teen.
LOL I'd wear a short skirt in the middle of winter, drop things on the floor so id have to pick them up and drop huge hints to get my intrest to notice me, usually was ineffective though so i resorted to being blantently obvious!
When he gave me the url there was nothing about him being gay on it, was just plain boring about college. Its only in recent months that its starting to come up
But maybe he had a plan Tamba.....
i think siblings are different to other members of the family and if he didnt want you to know he wouldnt have put it there knowing you had the url. i would just invite him round or email him to say that you know he's gay and that you want him to know you wont love him any differently and will support him if he needs someone to chat to etc. this could bring you closer, im sure he prob wants someone to chat to thats completely on his side. i wouldnt worry about the college lad thing he'll talk to you about that in his own time if he wants to.
oh yes you need to confront him about being gay, it dfoes sound like he wants you to know.
As for the stalkerish madtype behaviour, oops have been guilty of that myself many moons ago
I'm wondering if maybe e-mailing him is the way to go. If you talk to him face to face he will probably go scarlet and start to stutter, maybe even go into denial from being put on the spot. But a gentle e-mail will give him time to get his thoughts together before he responds.
I'd deffo confront him
he gave you the url fgs
also think the stalkerish behaviour is pretty par for the course when a teenager and you have a crush
'confront' wrong word
would let him know you know but you will keep it secret if he wnts you to
talk to him
he patently knows that you know IMO .. he gave you the blog address .. he wouldn't forget that .. it was a purposeful act
tell him proud you are of him
tell him he's turning into a bunny boiler too
Tamba . .he's your brother .. when people say they don't want their 'family' to know they invariably mean 'mum and dad' IMO
do not do it by email
invite him for a drink /meal / night out blah blah
Thats an idea, maybe i'll invite him out for lunch or something, im not looking forward to talking to him though!
I guess its my job as his sister to be there for him, it would be so much easier if my younger sister (still older than him though) we to do it, she would make it very light hearted and turn it into a joke type thing 'Oi you we no you are gay - keeping secrets from us' with lots of grins and winks. But I dont want to betray his trust by telling her iyswim.
Still i guess its good training for when my kids are teenagers and have their first crushes <gulp>
Definitely agree that you should tell him you know for lots of reasons.
a) he may have given you the blog to tell you and be waiting for you to talk
b) he may have forgotten giving you the address, not know how to tell you he's gay and it would be a massive relief to him if he had someone he could talk to
c)if you don't tell him you know and later it comes out that you knew all along he could feel betrayed by you for not being honest
d) he's having a crisis and needs to talk to someone objectively about this crush. Talkng might be all it takes to make him behave a bit less obsessively about this bloke.
e) you aren't a 'talking family' - well perhaps you can change that and get a closer bond with your bro if you try
At the moment it sounds as if you are the only family member in a position to help him so it's all up to you. Good luck!!!
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