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Do you feel like you have damaged your child and are bad mother if....

(96 Posts)
mummylovesus Mon 15-May-06 14:57:42

you have a baby who cries all the time, you pick him up that second but no amount of cuddling and loving seems to settle him, he is awake for hours at night and you are emotionally and physically at the end of your tether because your baby just keeps crying?

SenoraPostrophe Mon 15-May-06 15:00:30

don't blame you for being at the end of your tether.

but if cuddles don't help then there's something wrong: could just be colic (in which case a rocking chair may help) or could be something else. if he really is crying all the time and you know he's not hungry etc then i would take him to a doctor.

SenoraPostrophe Mon 15-May-06 15:01:27

don't think you've damaged him either, btw. and neither would I think that if you didn't pick him up "that second" every time. go easy on yourself.

welshmum Mon 15-May-06 15:03:32

how old is your baby? and what have you tried already to soothe him?

Filyjonk Mon 15-May-06 15:03:37


dd was like this.

its bloody awful and can only send hugs.

She's now 10 months and lovely. So no, she wasn't damaged but it felt like she was at the time, she cried so much and so constantly.

Post more, there might be practical suggestions to calm your baby (like using a sling, that really works well for some babies).

Are you getting any break at all from this?

It sounds like you are doing fantastically well to keep going at all, tbh.

LeahE Mon 15-May-06 15:04:10

No, you sound like a good mother to me. How old is your ds?

mummylovesus Mon 15-May-06 15:05:11

SenoraPostrophe, thank you for your reply but I suppose my post is being sarcastic atm because I'm sick of how mothers are being made to feel on mn just!! Because there are babies and mothers out there like that and I just wanted to know if leaving your baby to settle themselves would be as damaging as babies that just cry all day!! (like my nephew did)

zippitippitoes Mon 15-May-06 15:06:03

ds was like this..I just persevered with loving and caring..

mummylovesus Mon 15-May-06 15:06:04

guys I'm sorry thanks for the kind replies that you would offer a mother in this situation

morningpaper Mon 15-May-06 15:06:38

Ah sorry to hear this, the first four months are SHIT

mummylovesus Mon 15-May-06 15:07:12

but my question is do you think that this crying all the time will have damaged them

Wordsmith Mon 15-May-06 15:08:46

In a word, no.
In 2 words, absolutely not.

zippitippitoes Mon 15-May-06 15:11:55

an inconsolable baby is very traumatic for the whole family. It is very difficult to care for other tiny children as in our case ds was the youngest and i had three preschool. It creates feelings of guilt and depression and tension not being able to make a baby happy.

SenoraPostrophe Mon 15-May-06 15:17:28

if you wanted to argue about controlled crying, why didn't you just say so?

don't think cc is damaging myself, but I know that those that do think so would say that a baby crying because he think's he's been "abandoned" is a very different thing to a baby that just cries all the time.

Filyjonk Mon 15-May-06 15:17:59

ah, in that case

no, you should try to respond when they cry, they are trying to commuicate. Just as you would try to respond to your partner if he was talking to you. Sometimes you will be tired or drained, thats a sign that you need to recharge, but you should always try to keep comminication open with kids imo.

what you should not do is punish them, physically or emotionally, for crying.

I always like to remember that one day I might be old and helpless with my kids looking after me. what ideas do I want them to have about caring for helpless people?

And I have had a baby who cried constantly. She wanted to be near me and couldn't always-she has an older brother. Quite reasonable really. A sling worked better than a sealed room, I always found.

Dior Mon 15-May-06 15:21:19

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Filyjonk Mon 15-May-06 15:23:16

don't get this.

Are we talking about a specific baby or are we veering into a debate on the merits of CC?

Dior Mon 15-May-06 15:23:43

Message withdrawn

Filyjonk Mon 15-May-06 15:25:43


Is that wise?

We are all mummies (and daddies) who love our kids very much.

Some of us parent one way and some parent another.

Shouldn't that be enough?

Have some flowers there, mlu.

zippitippitoes Mon 15-May-06 15:26:31

I don't know tbh I think it's a gf reference..but answered any way..I know op a gfer

Dior Mon 15-May-06 15:26:51

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SenoraPostrophe Mon 15-May-06 15:26:53

dior - I'm afraid to say that method is exactly the one advocated by Gina Ford (and yes, she is sometimes misreported on that).

LIke I say, I am not anti-controlled crying but felt i had to point out that it is not comparable to a baby that cries all the time in any case. I am very fair minded like that.

Dior Mon 15-May-06 15:30:26

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Dior Mon 15-May-06 15:31:54

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zippitippitoes Mon 15-May-06 15:32:57

Richard Ferber american initiated controlled crying in 1978 I think. For babies over 6 months..he has a revised edition of his book out this month

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