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I think I want an abortion, need info and advice please :(

(57 Posts)
me23 Thu 11-May-06 09:33:27

I found out I was pregnant last week, Mine and boyf stupid fault for taking risks.
I've been in 2 minds over what to do, up until now i thought id have to have it even though me and boyf dont really want it because I was scared I would feel too guilty about having an abortion . and that it would effect me emotiionally too much. However I've been thinking about the effect of having another baby (i already have 11 month old dd) would have on me emotionally and it wouldn't be good in fact i forsee it as a real sturuggle and one if i had the choice would not choose to embark on. Also me and boyf aren't too stable at the moment so I've had to think about having 2 babies as a singlemum and that is something I do not want and dont feel I could cope with.
the fact is if i could choose whether to be pregnant or not i wouldnt be, I recently just got a job, I'm suffering from PND, and this last year has been so hard coping with dd and still is most day but i was starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel as I had recently sought help for PND started ad's then applied for a job got it, and my confidence was slowly growing and i was beginning to get my life back.
I'm sorry this is so long I guess I would like advice or experiences from women who have had an abortion, how did you feel afterwards? how does it affect you now? did you like me although you agree with aborion never think you would be able to have one?
did you have medical or surgical?
I apologise for my grammar and spelling it is the last thing on my mind at the mo im all over the place

Esmummy Thu 11-May-06 09:36:09

I know it sounds obvious me23 but this is a decision no-one else can make for you, you have it make it yourself and be 100% sure about.
I have no advice whatsoever as I have never been in this situation and although I 'think' I know what i would decide to do, everyone is different.

spacedonkey Thu 11-May-06 09:36:21

me23, I remember your thread from a few months ago when you were feeling really down - I'll reply to this properly later (no time right now!) but just wanted to send you some hugs in the meantime ((()))

Blackduck Thu 11-May-06 09:36:57

talk to bpas - here - they will talk through your options and also the emotional side of things.....

edam Thu 11-May-06 09:37:16

me23, I haven't had an abortion, but someone very close to me did. She said she just felt relief when it was all over. And has never had a moment's regret. It was the right choice for her, at that time.

Why don't you contact one of the charities - Marie Stopes or BPAS - and ask for counselling? Or talk to your doctor (although some docs are anti-abortion, so do ask them if they have very strong views on this first)? Don't go near LIFE - they advertise counselling but actually are an anti-abortion pressure group and will try to give you a guilt trip.

spacedonkey Thu 11-May-06 09:38:52

and please, please, please don't look at those awful anti-abortion websites whatever you do

bootsmonkey Thu 11-May-06 09:40:35

Echo Esmummy - you have to do what feels right for yourself, and I sincerely hope that no one will feel able to judge you for that. Having had a child and gone through PND myself, I know just how hard this decision must be for you and I really hope you can make a decision you are happy with.

bubble99 Thu 11-May-06 09:41:54

Definitely avoid LIFE. They are totally anti-choice and will try to frighten you out of an abortion.

I would use the link to BPAS that Blackduck has given.

me23 Thu 11-May-06 09:47:29

thankyou everyone, I would like couselling but you have to pay at marie stopes, and bpas (i think) I'm totally broke I'm still on benefits as my job hasn't started yet, I am gojng to the doctor todayto ask fro an abortion as I'm aware there can be a wait so its best to get the ball rolling now I can always back out later but at least the appointment will be sooner than thinkinjg more and running out of time.
I had an earlyscan yesterday as I was unsure of date and I'm only 6 weeks and just seeing a sac and not a formed fetus was easier to deal with even though it is hard still thinking about the heartbeat on the screen [sad

tiredemma Thu 11-May-06 09:48:59

me23, I had an abortion when i was 21, was with Dp who i am still with now, but we had only been together a few months and felt that a baby at that time would of been a huge mistake. I dont regret having an abortion at all as then the time really wasnt right.

be careful how you search for info on the internet, I have recently had to do an assignment on abortion for college, there are some "in your face" websites that wont help you at all.

echo what others have said- go to BPAS for non-biased advise.

best wishes x

me23 Thu 11-May-06 11:12:26 come back from the doctors she gave me the number to call, it's done through marie stopes and the earliest medical consultation on nhs is 12th a june a months wait! if i go private it will only be around 2 weeks, i cant wait a month, i need to go private but i cant afford it

Amanda1 Thu 11-May-06 11:15:12

Message withdrawn

Amanda1 Thu 11-May-06 11:16:41

Message withdrawn

me23 Thu 11-May-06 11:36:56

hi amanda1, i asked if there were any earlier appointments and she said no, I'll be approaching 12 weeks by 12 june and that just for the consultation have to wait longer for actual procedure.

me23 Thu 11-May-06 11:49:23

don't know how im going to look after her today.
wish boyf would leave wrk to helpmeout.

expatinscotland Thu 11-May-06 11:50:35

how about asking if you can phone in to see if there are any cancellations? it's likely there will be every week, and you may be able to get in sooner.

bluejelly Thu 11-May-06 11:50:43

Oh Me23 you poor thing. Sounds like the right decision for you at the moment.
I had one a few years ago and don't regret it at all. Huge relief in fact..

If I were you I would beg, borrow or steal the money to get the money to go private, horrible to sit around being pregnant when you don't want to be. Is there anyone who could lend you the money ( eg your boyfriend, your parents?)

bluejelly Thu 11-May-06 11:52:27

PS you're right it's not fair having to wait. Ridiculous system. Good idea to see about cancellations...
In the meantime why don't you take dd to the park for a picnic, it's a nice day today and it'd be good to get out of the house I reckon...

tiredemma Thu 11-May-06 11:54:10

have you thought about going to BPAS? they may use a different route to your GP.

fredbassett Thu 11-May-06 12:06:06

me23 that seems like a ridiculously long wait for an initial consultation!! I worked in a FPC and used to book people in for these and it was never that long!! Maybe it just varies from area to area. Could you ring your FPC directly?

me23 Thu 11-May-06 12:07:45

i really dont see how i can get the money, boyf has low paid job, but i will ask him ive read that the minimum standard from going to your gp to the abortion shouldnt be more than 3 weeks mine will be more than 5.
surely this isnt right?
i will go back to the doctor and assk her if she can refer me through somewhere else.
the woman at marie stopes was quick to point out if i paid it would be done with 2 weeks or so.
a womans emotional state shouldnt be opportunity for milking money.
to make it worse after a mix up with my old doctor, who i've changed from recently cuz they were clueslless, they referred me to antenatal midwife just called to book me in! had to tell her i wasnt continuing with the pregnancy, and she had the insensitivity to ask why?

plummymummy Thu 11-May-06 12:30:21

Very sorry to hear about your awful situation. Before you read the rest of this post I just want to make it clear that I am not judgemental about abortion. My bf had an abortion years ago. She was in an unstable relationship at the time and he did not support the pregnancy. Now they are married, very happy and have a child. She very much regrets the abortion (as does he). I suppose all I'm saying is no choice is easy. There are consequences either way. A woman's lot is crap eh Do you have friends or family that can support you after the abortion? I hope you don't have to deal with it on your own xx

Amanda1 Thu 11-May-06 13:05:11

Message withdrawn

Rhubarb Thu 11-May-06 13:11:02

me23, please read my website, it'll help you make your mind up and there is all the info you need on there about the different processes of abortion. Click here

plummymummy Thu 11-May-06 13:42:01

Rhubarb I had a look at your site and it seems, well, a bit pro-life to me. I'm not sure that's what me23 is after.

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