What is the most unintentionally funny thing your DP has said or done?

[Psammead]

When I was in labour with Dd2 and having fairly strongish contractions, I asked Dh to play some silly games to take my mind of it all for a bit. Just something really easy and childish where I wouldn't have to think too hard. I suggested 20 questions. I went first and he guessed it quite quickly (heliopter, I think), and then it was his turn. I must have asked 50 questions. Totally clueless. Very frustrated. No closer to guessing it than I was after question 1. So I asked him to just tell me the answer. You know what he had picked? As something simple and easy as a quick distraction while his wife was preparing to push out a 9 pounder?

The Nobel Prize for Physics.

The Nobel fricking prize for sodding physics.

I laughed so hard when he revealed the answer that a midwife came running in as the comtraction chart went all screwy.

[VitoCorleone]

You know them shabby chic freestanding words people have? My mum bought me one for the bathroom that says "bathe" my DP said (very seriously) "bath with an E?"

He felt like a right twat.

[goonyagoodthing]

Watching TV one night and the programme was about beauty routines. The subject of bikini waxes came up and DH said "Why would a woman need a bikini wax? Her boobs couldn't be THAT hairy".

[SoleSource]

Oooh haha goony!!!!

[SoleSource]

That is funny!

[Behindthesofa]

Just last week DH was going through the sky+ recordings.
He said "The dumpLing ground" has been viewed, shall I delete it"
So I thought he was taking the Mickey & said "no, I haven't perfected my dumplings yet".
Oh ok, he says.

I laughed tilli cried. He really had misread it &thought it said the dumpling ground. He said to me that as I watch so many cooking programmes, it didn't occur to him that what he said was wrong.

Quite possibly, you had to be there.

[DoingTheBestICan]

When I was pregnant I was sitting up in bed reading and I spotted a spider running across the floor,I shouted dh to come and get it and for some reason he went on all fours and chased it,he was going that fast he sort of bounced off the bedside shelf and landed backwards.
He had a dent in his head and I swear I nearly peed myself laughing at him. This sounds like I'm a bitch but honestly you had to be there and it's a running joke in our house that dh always bangs his head.

[Youaresoright]

At a wedding reception, DH couldn't get a phone signal. "This reception is shit" he said. Very loudly. The bride's parents were standing right next to us.

[NotYouAgain]

Maybe this was only funny to me...

We were searching for a new car and dp said, oh "I'll google and see if there's a vauxhall garage in Chesterfield"

I was a bit

It came up on google "Blakes, Chesterfield" and he was "oh yeah, I forgotten that one was there"

He only used to work there! :o

[Pollykitten]

My DH went in for an operation on his knees and the nurse handed him the gown etc to change into. When she pulled back the curtain for the 'reveal' she was falling about with hysterical laughter. He had put the paper pants on his head and put his ears through the leg holes. I'm pissing myself even writing this...! Poor love didn't know they were pants...

[DoingTheBestICan]

Dh has just asked me what I'm laughing at and I told him I'm laughing at you denting your head,his face is like this and that's making me laugh more.

[ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay]

He once very seriously informed me that his mobile battery ran out faster when he called the states because it had to work harder because it was far away.

Oh and apparently you don't have to wash towels because you only use them when you are clean.

[WeWishYouAMerryNameChange]

Desperately trying to think of something that DP has done, but i can't think of a specific incident because I keep laughing at Nobel Prize for Physics - ha ha ha ha ha

[SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots]

pollykitten

[DoingTheBestICan]

Thinkaboutit-my dh has just said that makes perfect sense about the towels,good job we don't rely on him to do the laundry.

[desertbaby]

I've read the post about 'the DumpLing ground 'several times and I desperately want to get it

[LegoAcupuncture]

Dh once asked where his boyfriend cut jeans were

Also, when his dad died, we were sitting in the living room with the caretaker sorting out the funeral arrangements, everyone very somber, when an ambulance with siren blaring whizzes past the house. DH in all seriousness says "He'll never sell ice creams going that fast". Caretaker was like this

[ArtVandelay]

You are - that is fantastic!

My DH has English as a second language so there are many but recently we were at a petrol stop on the highway and he asked me, very seriously, if I'd ever cleaned a windscreen 'with my panties'. I said no... He continued that ladies panties were the best thing to clean a windscreen with. Intrigued, I asked him who's panties did he use and he said 'my mother's' at which point I nearly expired. Anyway it turns out he meant pantyhose / tights but I think I laughed from Aachen to Lelystad.

[ShowOfHands]

When v sleep deprived, dh was singing baa baa black sheep to dd and finished wearily "... and one for the little boy who lives down the drain". He didn't even realise. Similarly, he was singing along to a Show Of Hands tune once which has a line "I've got a wife and three little kids" and he sang "I've got a wife and three little pigs". He works hard and sleeps very little.

[Jojobump1986]

Well....

Me: "If we had a pet chimp I could train it to fetch me coke & chocolate & crisps! What more does a girl need?!"
DH: "A man?" "What?! Oh, I didn't mean like that! I just meant... Oh, never mind!"

"If snow were black it would melt a lot faster."

"Was I being too loud? I was preaching to the Christmas tree."

"Before you go to sleep, if you're driving the car & you hear a rattling sound, it's a snail shell under the bonnet."

"I suppose God invented KFC for occasions such as these!"

Singing Old MacDonald: "With a duck, duck here..."

"It seems like an appropriate time of day for a poo."

Beginning to wonder why I married him...!