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INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

(1000 Posts)
NorksAreMessy Sat 24-Nov-12 23:04:28

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. grin

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

NorksAreMessy Fri 11-Nov-16 07:15:48

Thanks Coconut

I am so glad I started this thread. It has helped me to know there are so many of us out there, reflecting, thinking, considering, making, creating...and a little bit of hiding

I now talk about my introverted nature much more confidently because I have your ideas and examples, to help me , and am helping my children to say out loud "no, sorry, I can't do that, I have introvert fatigue' smile

Amazingly, this thread is nearly exactly FOUR YEARS old...tha has to be some sort of record for a slow burning thread!

See you on the other side

CoconutOilWink Thu 10-Nov-16 20:04:53

I've started thread 2... here

Thatwaslulu Thu 10-Nov-16 19:45:05

My relationship with my family is good, i have a small family anyway (I have one much younger sister, my parents and nan, no aunties or uncles) and I am fine one on one with them, but find even getting together with them all at once can be overwhelming.

I have a confident and gobby alter-ego as a union rep - I suddenly turn into a really persuasive and charming bubbly person when faced with someone else's problem, but outside of that role I can be very quiet. Tomorrow I'm laying a wreath with the permanent secretary and Secretary of State and have been invited for a social get together after. I am so nervous now but in union rep mode I will be fine. It's strange. Almost like acting a part.

outofdepth Thu 10-Nov-16 19:25:49

So glad I found this thread <waves>

I found this Ted Talk excellent and am going to be ordering Quiet

lbrc84 Thu 10-Nov-16 19:12:10

Yes I always get asked "are you ok? You seem very quiet? " usually by my family who I would of thought surely know me well enough to know that I am just always quiet! Do any of you have friends or family that really get you and respect you for the way you are not putting pressure on you to conform to the "norm" of society? Or do most ppl you know make you feel you are inferior and abnormal for not wanting to do what most ppl enjoy doing?

Kr1stina Thu 10-Nov-16 18:03:45

Place Marking

<waves to Everyone >

CoconutOilWink Thu 10-Nov-16 17:58:25

lbrc84 Can't stand the over sharing on FB. DP's sister is terrible for it and it makes me cringe!
I do like it a lot though for seeing the videos etc people post, I guess I like to see the little things going on around the world rather than in peoples' actual lives?

CoconutOilWink Thu 10-Nov-16 17:55:17

Hello all, just wanted to hop on this thread before it's full!

I've always been described as shy/quiet. I had accepted it as a major flaw which I thought I had to work on (but knew I never would overcome). I did hear about introversion in my teens but still saw it as a negative. I think nowadays introversion is becoming more acceptable, trendy even.

I think I'm getting better with being sociable, I can force myself to do it now. A work mate asked if I was ok the other days as I wasn't my "usual bubbly self" (!) I about fell off my chair at that description! Was just having a quiet day where I couldn't be bothered to make the effr but it was noticed!

Anyone else hate the phrase "How are you?"
I mean in the general greeting sense, when you know the asker is only asking out of convention and doesn't want to hear anything more than "good, you?"
It seems pointless bothering!

lbrc84 Thu 10-Nov-16 17:30:34

I have just ordered Quiet through Amazon-will look forward to it arriving! This forum is like a breath of fresh air, I'm so glad I've found it!

aginghippy Thu 10-Nov-16 17:20:31

Glad you found us lbrc! If you haven't done so, I would encourage you to read the book Quiet that is mentioned in the first post. I found it helpful and it clarified a lot of things in my mind.

I feel the same about large social gatherings. IIWY I would decline the invite to the hen do and just go to the wedding itself. I disagree with your mum that you are always obliged to accept invitations. The bride is not a close friend of yours and I'm sure she will enjoy her hen do even if you are not there.

I am uninterested in Facebook. Most of the stuff on it is utter drivel. If people want to get in touch with me, they can use other methods. I still have contact with one school friend and a couple of university friends. That's enough for me.

lbrc84 Thu 10-Nov-16 14:01:36

Thank you for responding Thatwaslulu. Wow I can see why you would of been dreading the engagement lunch, but I agree with you in that more often than not, these events are never as bad as we imagine them to be in the end.

Can I ask, what sort of relationships do all you fellow introverts have with family members? For example parents and brothers and sisters? My Mum thinks I am strange! She has called me a hermit on many occasions! She is very much into shopping and I remember as a kid growing up every Saturday would be traipsing around the shops in town for hours going from shop to shop, whilst my Mum went to the changing rooms to try things on and my Dad, Brother and myself just waited around! Me, I like to do as much online shopping as possible including groceries. If I need to go into shops for anything its quick get what I need and straight out again!

Also, what are peoples thoughts on Facebook? Personally I once had an account when younger, think it was purely to try and reconnect with friends from school that I lost touch with from settling down young but realised I had nothing in common with anyone anymore. I find it weird people are so vain with pouty lip selfies and why would I be interested in what someone had for lunch?!

Thatwaslulu Thu 10-Nov-16 11:51:23

Hi lbrc I'm new here too. And also an introvert married to a painfully shy introvert (who is outgoing after having a drink, but only drinks about once a year). We don't have a social circle, but enjoy our own company and that of our family.

I find social events very stressful and worry that I come across as aloof or snobby, because I can't do small talk and would rather not go to events than stand awkwardly not knowing what to say! I would find a hen party my idea of hell.

I recently had to go to my stepson's engagement lunch with his fiancée's family (we had only met his fiancée previously, not her parents or sisters) and my DH's ex wife, and I was so nervous and dreaded the whole thing. As it happens, the reality of the event was far better than the imagined event, and her family had far more in common with me than the XW, but so many times before the day I was tempted to feign illness! I have always worried that I am antisocial but as I have got older I have started to care less.

lbrc84 Thu 10-Nov-16 10:27:25

Hi everyone, I am brand new here, have never joined a forum before, always just read posts from googling them. I googled introverts yesterday and found this forum and it made me cry I was so moved! I cant believe that after reading the posts there are people out there just like me!!

I am 32, married and have 2 children. Since a teenager I always preferred to be alone in my room with my thoughts, listening to music or reading. Don't get me wrong, I had quite a close small group of friends who at the time would of probably described me as bubbly. I used to go out maybe 2/3 times a week to bars but in the back of my mind I was just desperate to meet someone really soon that I could settle down with and not have to do any of these nights out anymore! Thankfully, I met my husband, who is also an introvert, when I was 20 and we did settle down. We ended up having children quite early on too so over time my friendships I did have slowly dissolved as I saw them less with having a family. Only now sort of 10 years down the line they are starting to settle down themselves. Of course now I don't really have any friends, which would sound horrific to an extrovert but I'm absolutely fine with it. I'm quite happy with my husband and children's company and I also have a dog which brings me so much joy.

My husband does come from a large family so I get very anxious about get togethers that they do- usually renting out a hall for kids birthday parties and Christmas is a stressful and anxious time for me!

Another thing that fills me with dread at the moment is that one of my old friends who is very sociable and is in touch with a lot of my old friends, has recently got engaged to my husbands older brother so I am absolutely dreading being invited to hen do for that and also the wedding. It sounds awful as I'm typing this, as it makes me sound very selfish and as my Mum has always said to me "you just have to do these things" but I hate going to these large social gatherings and social occasions! Please don't get me wrong, I am very happy they are getting married I think its lovely I am really pleased for them but is it just me who feels like this?

Anyway, enough waffling, I just wanted to say hi to everyone and introduce myself, sorry for the long post :-s

yellowDahlia Fri 14-Oct-16 21:34:46

Hello all, thought I'd pop in because I really need a quiet place to be for a bit.

Am feeling mentally worn down after an extremely busy time at work over the past month or so, plus school holidays = no head space or quiet space for me.

I usually work PT and have 2 days to myself but I've been working a lot of extra days and then the week before I came off on holiday worked every day plus three days travel! I was 'on' a lot - had to do a course, team working and socialising and was shattered after all that. Then the past few days I've been away with DH and the DDs, which was great except we shared a hotel room for three daysconfused. Now struggling with some anxious/people-pleasing type thoughts after getting a guilt trip from family members who we didn't visit while we were away sad

It's all getting a bit much, my brain's on overtime and I have no space to process any of this, let alone make time for relaxation or creativity, which would make me feel better. DH really doesn't get it either - when I slope off to my office for a few minutes he thinks I'm just anti-social, keeps encouraging me to 'play with the kids'. All I want to do - need to do - is be alone, just for a while!!

Arealhumanbeing Mon 03-Oct-16 12:23:46

Welcome justpeachy74.

It's in process. Ironically in my old job I had my own little office. I'll miss it a lot but my duties out of the office just weren't suitable in the end.

I'm looking for part time work in a small team so am busy cutting my monthly expenditure in half and kissing goodbye to a few luxuries.

3 - 4 days per week of quiet (plus study/gardening/dress making) is my goal.

justpeachy74 Mon 03-Oct-16 11:21:30

Hi there,
I'm just after a bit of a quiet space. It was a busy/social weekend overall. We hosted a small (10 kids & 13 adults) family party yesterday at home. It went well, I think. I enjoyed it. I am completely wiped out today though. I desperately need to re-charge but there's no hope of it really. Not in the way I need - spending time on my own. Back into the working week. Apart from the commute I get no time on my own. There's always the threat of interruption.

I am sociable but I do really need to decompress when there's been a lot of social and general being around people going on. It's hard work!
I just needed to share really. Most people I know wouldn't get it.

How's the career change going Arealhumanbeing? Not too stressful I hope. I was alone in the office on Friday and I think that's as much as my work life caters to introverts. However I do suspect that the two other people I work with might be on the introvert scale so that helps.

Arealhumanbeing Sun 18-Sep-16 23:35:22

Thank you Littlegreyauditor.

I'm really well. Loving the quiet but at the same time enjoying lots of little social occasions irl. I come to life socially at this time of year smile

Littlegreyauditor Wed 31-Aug-16 20:20:10

I am delighted that Autumn is coming. Cosy clothes, crunchy leaves, lighting the fire, it's all good. How are you Arealhumanbeing ? Welcome to the quiet. wink

Arealhumanbeing Wed 24-Aug-16 23:27:57

Good evening, introverts smile

I joined Mumsnet a little while ago to contribute to another thread. Then I remembered this one!

How is everyone? Are most of us looking forward to Autumn? I heard fallen leaves blowing outside last week so it can't be far away.

I am on the edge of a massive change career wise and am hoping for work that won't result in complete sensory overload. Has anyone managed to find employment that caters to to their introverted nature?

TooMuchMNTime Fri 17-Jun-16 19:53:07

Ballet, looking back I'm surprised I was okay with school. That said, many lessons went over my head, if it was group work. I had to read it all again at home.

I'd like to learn how to be more resilient in overwhelming environments bit haven't really heard any good tips. I think it probably can't be done if you get sensory overload as well as everything else.

Balletblue Fri 17-Jun-16 15:51:15

I work with too many extroverts in a school. It's really interesting and a bit sad that the introverted pupils don't always fare all that well, due to a total lack of quiet space. All the talk is about how to make children more resilient. Sigh.

TooMuchMNTime Fri 17-Jun-16 10:43:47

Hi Perth!
It's an interesting read but until every workplace manager is forced to read it and act on it, I'm going to struggle. Looking forward to retirement, years away but still...

perthmom Fri 17-Jun-16 05:51:17

I followed the link in the thread in AIBU and hope I can join the group. ("Join the group"! - even typing those words makes me feel anxious.)
100% introvert with social anxiety so I won't say much and will try to fade into the wallpaper as much as possible and then leave early while no one's looking.
In fact I'll leave now as I want to purchase and read the book "Quiet" that's been mentioned previously.

TooMuchMNTime Thu 16-Jun-16 18:02:44

yes, that and the commute...I used to avoid Central London at weekends but now I find I am so tired after work that I don't want to socialise after work either. It's just office noise and commuting etc.

Balletblue Thu 16-Jun-16 16:54:13

It is nice to have a space here. I've just had the noisiest day at work. Nowhere quiet to be had anywhere at all. By lunchtime I wanted to curl up in a ball somewhere silent and alone. However, safe at home now.

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