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INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

(1000 Posts)
NorksAreMessy Sat 24-Nov-12 23:04:28

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. grin

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

maillotjaune Fri 24-Jan-14 19:23:36

Perhaps with somewhere to park children for a couple of days?

NorksAreMessy Fri 24-Jan-14 22:13:52

kernow I would pay very good money to stay at your fact I have a pension pot that I could invest........hmmmmmm. It does need to be in an EMPTY bit of Cornwall...or Malvern?

Please can we have...
LOTS of Blankets and cushions
Garden with herbs and scented areas and nooks
Soundproof rooms
Buffet service for most meals...I don't really enjoy over enthusiastic waiters asking if I am enjoying my meal.
A steam room
Book lined bar
Open fires and footstools
Cuddly cats
Quiet companions

In fact, this is my house (apart from the steam room). I might just stay at home

Farrowandbawl Sat 25-Jan-14 14:16:53

The rain is battering at the windows, the lightening is stunning and I'm cozy and warm inside....

I LOVE this type of weather!

SeagullsAreLikeThat Sat 25-Jan-14 18:14:42

Question: are introverts always cold???

I am, and judging by the number of references to blankets and open fires on this thread, I'm guessing I'm not alone!

Farrowandbawl Sat 25-Jan-14 18:48:13

I don't know about others but I certainly am always cold.

I think the blankets are more of a case of making the room look warm and cosy, instead of cold and open like the summer IYSWIM.

The summer to me is harsh and bright, fresh and open so the house ends up being the same...autumn and winter, although it's cold, my house is warmer and more inviting and cosy. I guess to me it reflects my mind during those seasons.

I'm sure someone will be along soon to make more sense out of it.

maillotjaune Sat 25-Jan-14 19:15:29

I'm not always cold, no, but I very intolerant of being either too hot or too cold.

I hate going to work on very hot days - the Tube is disgusting, aircon at work often rubbish so I'm stuck in a room with 40 students sweating away...

But I'm fine in the countryside with a pool or lake on holiday.

Same thing in the winter really I guess. For me anyway.

Southeastdweller Sun 26-Jan-14 08:30:06

Hotels can be so damn noisy. Stag and hen parties causing havoc, early morning deliveries interrupting your sleep, guests next door shagging loudly and adults who are seemingly incapable of closing a door quietly.

I love the idea of a quiet hotel.

Mefisto Sun 26-Jan-14 09:36:52

ChapterThree YY to not making an exit. I take a sort of 'hit-and-run' approach to parties and don't like to feel I've outstayed my welcome. I'm happy to be the first to leave (hopefully un-noticed).

I wouldn't say I was always cold in fact I love trudging around in the rain and snow as long as I'm dressed for it. I do though love to feel cosy and part of the enjoyment of cold walks is, for me, the anticipation of the tea and warm fire. I do hate to be too hot.

Farrow I think I get what you mean about harsh bright summer days. There is a softness about winter warmth which is much more inviting. I find the intensity of high summer can get a bit overwhelming - too bright, too vivid.

Kernowgal Sun 26-Jan-14 20:02:53

Just did a quick Myers-Brigg test and it came out as INFJ. Then had a look at a deeper explanation of that type and it was spooky how 'me' it was!

It's a relief to put a name to it all to be honest. No more feeling like a boring git - it's just what I am.

I also find I am really not able to cope with doing anything illegal or against the rules. I hate the thought of being caught or found out, even if it's the most ridiculous thing. Not for me the life of crime!

SeagullsAreLikeThat Sun 26-Jan-14 21:19:51

Kernowgal, I am such a rule-follower!! My friends laugh at me because even at my age, I still have a real fear of being caught doing anything I shouldn't. At swimming, there is a sign up saying "do not leave children unattended at the poolside until their lesson starts". I am the ONLY parent who stays until the children get in so consequently there are no seats left when I get to the viewing area because all the other parents bugger off and leave their children so they can grab a seat!

Kernowgal Sun 26-Jan-14 21:56:44

I'm the same with anything socially unacceptable - eg people who swear loudly in public. I have a foul mouth when with friends but I would never swear around people I didn't know, mainly because it makes me feel so uncomfortable when other people do it. I suppose I'm expecting someone else to take exception to it and kick up a fuss, and so it just makes me tense. I'm the same with unpleasant behaviour - I recall one meal out where a friend drunkenly opened her mouth, full of food, and really drew attention to it, and it was horrid - all the more so because other diners around us obviously didn't like it either.

I dunno, maybe probably I'm just hopelessly uptight. But I find I get very tense in situations like that and sometimes have to leave the room. Same with conversations about tricky or emotive subjects.

Southeastdweller Mon 27-Jan-14 16:44:23

I do not like to bump into anyone on my way to or from work

I'm the same. I need that walk (and coffee at Starbucks just before then) to psych myself up to what is quite a tense situation and then time alone after leaving to decompress and start to feel 'me' again.

maillotjaune Mon 27-Jan-14 18:20:34

Yes I'm very glad that one of my colleagues who had a girlfriend living round the corner from me has now married her and they've moved away. I used to see him at the station most mornings and didn't always manage to avoid him.

He is actually very nice but that's not the point when I'm looking forward to 40 minutes to read, not chat...

SeagullsAreLikeThat Mon 03-Feb-14 21:28:43

Can I just say, I was just sorting out my clothes for work tomorrow and realised once again how much I LOVE winter clothes! Dress, thick black tights, boots, repeat ad infinitum until the weather gets too warm for it and I have to get some flesh out! I am so not a summer person!

Kernowgal Tue 04-Feb-14 19:58:36

A new girl has joined my department this week. I've worked with her before but not in a close capacity and already only two days in I am ready to kill her.

She means well but she talks constantly and it's the kind of chat that requires responses. I am finding it really hard to concentrate. We were working together today and midway through the chatter she bossed me around on a couple of occasions and I nearly lost my temper. She's bossed my colleague around a couple of times too and I get the impression he's a bit hmm about it too.

She is also quite childish in her behaviour and fairly tactile and I find I am flinching when she comes near. I feel awful because we do get on well for the most part but I find being around her utterly draining. She has instantly changed the dynamic of our department as everyone else is quite quiet and keeps to themselves, though we all enjoy working together - we work in a sort of quiet happy company, if that makes sense.

When I heard she'd got the job I can't say I was particularly pleased, because I had a feeling it would turn out to be like this. Unfortunately the kind of work we do means working together will happen on a regular basis and I am really going to struggle with it.

I have 'Quiet' on order from the library. Maybe I'll sit in the staff room reading it and hope she gets the message to give me a bit of peace.

Kernowgal Tue 04-Feb-14 21:33:27

Another 'is it just me?' question: do you find some TV programmes completely overwhelming? It seems like everything has to have a musical soundtrack, even nature programmes, so you know when the scary bit or the sad bit or whatever is coming.

I don't understand this. To me it undermines the wonder that is nature and just 'being' in nature. Why not just let me listen to the sounds that are occurring naturally in whatever's being shown, whether it's the sound of the wind through the grass, the river running past, or just nothing at all. Everything has to have a soundtrack these days, like we can't cope with things just as they are.

greenhill Wed 05-Feb-14 05:57:38

I completely agree with you about the soundtrack thing. It's as if no one is allowed to feel their own emotion about a scene, someone has to prod you with a stick to be ready for what is about to happen.

Grumpykins Wed 05-Feb-14 06:41:09

What a great thread!

I do so many of these things mentioned and have wondered if I come across strange to others:

Go to lunch alone, even if I just sit in another room. I need time to NOT hear others speaking.

Prefer dim lights rather than dark nights

Hate loud noises

I feel drained after spending time with dm and siblings. They go on and on unecessarily. I do not need to know about every single one of their friends some I have never even met

Growing up I was overshadowed by my younger sibling who was loud, funny and the life and soul of the party. Although naturally quiet I resented that. I was made to feel I had no personality and was dull in comparison- that hurt sad.

For years I did not understand myself and struggled to find where I belonged especially at school. I did not appreciate that I was made differently. I am definitely on the edge of friendship groups as I cannot be around people all the time. I grow tired of the attention seeking and neediness of others - dm included.

Southeastdweller Wed 05-Feb-14 08:09:05

I really notice when a TV show or film I watch has no score or a limited one. I think the powers that be in some parts of the media underestimate their audiences attention spans and capabilities to understand the storyline - that 'proddng' that greenhill mentions just shouldn't be happening to the extent it is.

barleywood Wed 05-Feb-14 08:40:55

Where have you all been hiding......under blankets probably.

I have only just found you. I read quiet before Christmas....a gift from a friend who is now reading it herself.

It didn't tell me much I didn't already know but it validated my way of being.

I struggle with being a quiet person in a noisy world. So easy to be overlooked.

Books, blankets, open fire. Sounds like bliss to me.

ChapterThree Thu 06-Feb-14 06:01:23

Something else occurred to me the other day. My boss decided to take us out to lunch, a spur of the moment decision. It was a lovely gesture, but it did make me go into a minor panic. I NEED my half hour break every day. And I realised that it's not WORK I need a break from, it's my COWORKERS. A lunch break with other people is not a lunch break! So I came back from lunch more stressed than I was before...

ChapterThree Fri 07-Feb-14 00:56:45

...and we are all out to lunch again today. Yay.

Mefisto Sat 08-Feb-14 12:14:52

I was pondering this morning, inspired by this radio programme and a couple of interesting country vs city threads, about where we introverts might be most comfortable. My worst nightmare would be a small suburban area or small town where everyone knows each other. This was described as a "thick" community in the r4 prog: lots of social support but woe betide you if you don't conform.

I am definitely a city dweller at heart; the bigger the better. I can see the appeal of the country too but it would have to be properly remote.

Kernowgal Sun 09-Feb-14 18:59:37

I'm definitely a country type, though I think I could tolerate a city by the sea like Rio de Janeiro. I quite enjoy nighttime city sounds but I find busy cities exhausting. Somewhere nearby to escape to, like the beach, would be amazing.

I lived in London for many years and by the end of my time there I was desperate to get out every weekend - going for long hikes with friends who were equally desperate to get out. Funnily enough three out of the four of us now live in fairly rural areas.

Farrowandbawl Mon 17-Feb-14 18:18:26

Country girl but it has to be remote or an island on my own. Maybe 1 other introvert on the other side...I'm sure we can live in peace and have each other as back up if something goes wrong or the odd meal.

I start a new volunteering job tomorrow and although that place where I will be working is quite busy, I'm in a quiet office and it's a 20 minute walk along a fairly quiet road with a fantasic view (Sheffield does have a huge advantage in that respect). One of my co-workers offered to pick me up if it's raining which is lovely but I found it really hard to turn her offer down and explain why. I felt really awkward but I need that space and time to just be before I sit in front of a computer all day.

I hope they are not the small talk types.

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