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INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

(1000 Posts)
NorksAreMessy Sat 24-Nov-12 23:04:28

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. grin

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

Sagelynodding Sun 25-Nov-12 00:24:03

Great idea Norks smile

December is hellish for me-2 DS with birthdays-just the one party though, potentially ILs at Christmas, including a brand new MIL who has caused havoc in an otherwise peaceful family.
Work do (bowling and a restaurant hmm ), plus 2 lots of leaving drinks I will not be attending

I seem to have found myself included in a new friendship group too-invites to spa days and stuff, and I find it all a bit nerve-wracking to be honest...

At work I can and do talk to anyone-I am a receptionist like Pimp
I would far rather be crafting, baking, reading, painting, writing...anything really.

TobyLerone Sun 25-Nov-12 08:22:24

Today I must go to the introvert's worst nightmare: Oxford St a month before Christmas. Then we are meeting friends from overseas for a drink. DP and I stayed in all day yesterday, quietly pottering, to prepare.

NorksAreMessy Sun 25-Nov-12 08:29:16

You are very brave

TobyLerone Sun 25-Nov-12 08:51:28


javotte Sun 25-Nov-12 08:53:02

Hello! I discovered that I am an introvert and not a freak a few months ago. My mother spent my teenage years telling me I was a loser because I spent my time reading in my room instead of getting drunk and having sex with random guys hmm
It's good to know there are other introverts out there.

maillotjaune Sun 25-Nov-12 10:09:09

Morning all. Toby that sounds like hard work - I never go near Oxford St anymore but could only ever cope with it on my own - as a teenager friends used to organise shopping there together, which was awful. Don't know why, but I am happier in a crowd if I can walk at my own pace and keep my thoughts to myself.

Pimp I also just say no to most work invites - I've worked in my place for nearly 15 years and I'm now one of the older ones so it is easier to say no. I like lots of my colleagues as colleagues (and only a very few as friends) but I think they realise that a night out planned by a 24 yo is not my thing. Luckily many of the socials start with a drink in the office then I just don't follow to pub / bar / restaurant.

DH's department is quite small and I've met several of them. I like them but I'd rather be sat with a book. DH is, I think, an introvert at heart because he needs lots if recharge time at home, but he is also VERY sociable when he wants to be. I have to make an effort to seem quiet rather than unfriendly and it's all such an effort.

maillotjaune Sun 25-Nov-12 10:10:07

Missed your post javotte - funny what some people think is normal, isn't it?

blackeyedsusan Sun 25-Nov-12 10:46:41

<sits in corner quietly and watches.>

NorksAreMessy Sun 25-Nov-12 10:50:18

javotte you are NOT a freak. Has the realisation helped you?
I calmed down as soon as I realised, for example, that NOT being the centre of a dinner-party circuit was not actually a BAD thing, because I dont especially like dinner parties anyway smile

there are LOTS of us about, but we are just not noticed, becuase the extroverts are noisier smile

SoftKittyWarmKitty Sun 25-Nov-12 11:30:43

It's so good to have another introverts thread. I was on the last one (only posted once or twice though, didn't want to overdo it) and it was great to know that I'm not weird or the only one who feels like this. I read the OP above and when I read the words 'hen nights' I literally shivered in fear. Then I got to 'communal bus'. Urgh.

I love being by myself, just doing...stuff. I have a pretty busy and stressful job so I love having a few hours to myself in the evening once DS is in bed. I rarely go on work nights out because they are mainly younger than me and like to go out drinking (I rarely drink). I just say no and cite childcare issues, which on the whole is true, although last time I just said I didn't want to go grin.

EnglishGirl how did you career change to travel agent? Did you just apply for a post or have you had to undertake training before looking for a vacancy? That's one of the jobs I've always fancied doing. I'd also love to work for myself, and envy anyone who does.

javotte Sun 25-Nov-12 11:37:59

Norks it has made a huge difference. I don't feel guilty about not enjoying myself at the few parties we attend, or about saying no when we are invited to one. I just wish someone had told me I was normal during my formative years.
Having two hugely popular extrovert siblings didn't help.

kitty I just saw it advertised and went for it! I have travelled a lot in the past and worked overseas and the manager who interviewed me said that counted for as much as experience in the industry. It's never going to make me rich but I just got fed up with my old job and decided that as long as the bills could be paid, I'd rather do something I'm interested in smile

LawrenceSMarlow Sun 25-Nov-12 11:53:15

I love these threads. I've always been aware I'm an introvert but I didn't really understand what that means until recently.
I remember at university, talking to one of my dearest friends, saying how I'd probably be quite happy on a desert island, if I never saw any more people for the rest of my life, as long as I had enough to read. She looked at me, aghast, and said that was one of the saddest things she'd ever heard. And I felt as if there must be something deeply wrong with me, to feel that way. Now I understand it's OK, she's a true extrovert, and I'm an introvert, and I don't actually want the rest of the world to go poof. Just to leave me alone sometimes grin
Just to brag, I am currently having my perfect Sunday; still in my dressing gown, listening to Radio 4, haven't spoken to anyone at all and don't intend to do so until work tomorrow. Bliss.

greenhill Sun 25-Nov-12 12:07:36

Thanks for posting a new thread norks <waves discretely at everyone>

I've recently discovered that ironing is much more pleasurable when I have set the ironing board up by my bedroom window (which looks onto the back garden) once I have put scraps/ seeds out for the wildlife. It is very relaxing to do something useful, yet watch the light filtering through the trees and observe the red kites dive onto the lawn and hear the robins, wrens and long tailed tits twittering in the shrubbery.

We've had lovely autumn colours, but an awful lot of mist / fog rising up in the valley has been ever so picturesque, in spite of the greyness of November.

Yesterday was a bit jangly, I had to take DS to the opticians then do a quick supermarket shop -in the town centre on a Saturday afternoon- what was I thinking?

Fortunately it tired the already ill DC, who had an early night, so DH and I read quietly all evening.

BeatTheClock Sun 25-Nov-12 12:23:15

Do you all struggle to be introverts in an extrovert world? It seems to me that you can:

a) Try and please the extroverts and attempt to 'join in'<shudder: two words I loathe> and spend your life feeling at odds about it.

b) Make a stand and be considered an unsociable git.

Have spent first half of my life on a, now embracing b but feel bad about not joining in <shudder again> cos the world is totally geared up for extroverts and not the introvertedhmm.

HeathRobinson Sun 25-Nov-12 12:38:47

Sidles in and relaxes in the quiet.

VerityClinch Sun 25-Nov-12 12:45:49

This will make you all jealous.

On Friday I am going to a spa ON MY OWN

Then I am going for afternoon tea with ONE close friend

Then I am going shopping ON MY OWN

Then I am checking into a hotel ON MY OWN, order room service ON MY OWN, have a bath and read some magazines ON MY OWN and have an early night.

The next morning I will read the paper ON MY OWN, eat a big fat room service breakfast ON MY OWN and then potter round the shops ON MY OWN until its time to go back to the craziness of the two-toddler household and managing a major renovation project which means I have to keep taking builders to task.

The plus side of the renovation is that the house, once finished, will have a little Sitting And Thinking Room all for me.

greenhill Sun 25-Nov-12 12:54:33

Ooh verity that sounds blissful smile

Oh god I would love a night in a hotel on my own envy

Illustrated Sun 25-Nov-12 13:02:00

Hello fellow introverts, can I please join you? I'm 23 and have somehow ended up very isolated. Part of me doesn't mind but I do get lonely.

I have an almost 4 month old dd and as you can probably guess by my nickname, I'm an illustrator that works from home. I only ever see my dp these days.

When I end up getting caught in social situations I ALWAYS end up overusing the same words in sentences and stumbling over what I'm trying to say. I hope some of you know what I mean? I don't know anyone like me!

BeatTheClock Sun 25-Nov-12 13:03:20

Ooh Verity envy I'd keep v v it quiet though in case a well meaning but completely misguided extrovert decides to feel sorry for you and invites themselves along to keep you companywink

Primrose123 Sun 25-Nov-12 13:08:10

Hi Norks and everyone else. When I read the OP, I thought it could have been written for me! I don't like crowds, but I do like meeting up with a friend. I like the same sort of things, reading, crafting, playing instruments, walking dogs, etc.

I don't meet many introverts in real life though. sad I would love to make more friends like that.

VerityClinch Sun 25-Nov-12 13:08:10

I am SO excited about it.

And the afternoon tea thing I am only doing because she is a very good friend but I haven't seen her since we moved almost a year ago blush, if it wasn't for that I'd probably be scheduling in some quiet time in a coffee/book shop.

I do this about four times a year. The space to think, and time out from the relentless childcare and in-yer-face-ness if my gorgeous children is just so incredibly restorative.

And having a giant hotel bed all to myself all night...gringringringringrin

FarelyKnuts Sun 25-Nov-12 13:09:21

Having my perfect introverted day. No one coming to visit. My book and still in my pjs and the toddler is napping.
I can and do have quite a lot of these kind of weekends as during the week my job entails talking and listening to people all the damn day.

Sagelynodding Sun 25-Nov-12 13:14:29

Verity, that sounds like heaven! I crave silence and uninterrupted reading time smile

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