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INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

(1000 Posts)
NorksAreMessy Sat 24-Nov-12 23:04:28

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. grin

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

christmasiscominghellokitty Tue 04-Dec-12 14:24:36

hi ladies -

i canrelate to latest posts -

idea of paint balling etc sounds hell dont do sports or those sort of activities
luv sorting out stuff is very theraputic
we r moving on the 20th of this month have starting sorting through stuff have thrown away lots far too much stuff has built up

i have been buying stuff do any of u other ladies luv buying stuff especially on the net

have bought some christmassy bits some homely ornaments
hae just ordered from amazon some magnets for new fridge

my luvs r :-

perfect evening - sitting on the sofa in my dressing gown and pjs watching tv and doing my embroidery on my own
my days r spent sitting alot trying to get piece

SeagullsAreLikeThat Tue 04-Dec-12 15:21:09

Thanks for the welcome, Norks. (How do you bold on the phone app??).
Interestingly, I have just backed out of a night out tomorrow night which I was dreading. No lame excuses, I just said "really sorry, I can't make it". The guilt I feel is actually cancelled out by the relief I feel! What I need to do now is learn to say "no" in the first place! Problem is, the part of me that feels like I should get out of my comfort zone and stretch myself says yes to these things as they're always far enough away for me not to worry about, it's only as they get closer that the other side of me screams "why did I agree to do this?!"

PurpleTinsel Tue 04-Dec-12 16:47:45

I got guilt-tripped into going paintballing once, and didn't enjoy it at all. Getting hit by paintballs hurts, and leaves massive bruises.

Still, at least me knowing about the bruises gave me the perfect excuse to duck out of going to the work paintballing teambuilding session that was scheduled for the week before my (very small and intimate) wedding.

ClareMarriott Tue 04-Dec-12 16:54:34

If you are an introvert, what activities do you suggest to meet people of the opposite sex ?

R2PeePoo Tue 04-Dec-12 23:08:29

Clare- My dad is incredibly introverted and he met his second wife (not my mum, he met her on a train as a student) using an online dating website. He was married again within two years of the divorce, I think he met about ten women before he met my stepmother.

Another introverted friend had some success with a creative writing group run by the library.

I like the idea of paintballing but only if I don't have to be on a team. I like the idea of being a rogue agent/sniper and sliding through the undergrowth unnoticed until BAM...someone goes down.

DH has gone to bed, its just me, the laptop, TV and a stack of books. grin

christmasiscominghellokitty Wed 05-Dec-12 09:41:29

i met dh on an online dating website grin

nomadwantshome Wed 05-Dec-12 20:53:21

I've got right in to a jigsaw, sorry absolutely no use for meeting opposite sex...

My dd often complains that she has no friends and doesn't get invites to parties. I was VERY sad what can I say? How do I deal with it? It breaks my heart. I feel guilty about passing on my genes! Sometimes I can't stand to think the pain she will go through. But I suppose everyone will go through pain in life, it's just in another package.

maillotjaune Wed 05-Dec-12 22:47:46

I went paintballing once - it hurts and I was cold.

Now Laser Quest I loved- sat in a corner and zapped everyone! A grumpy introvert's dream. grin

R2PeePoo Wed 05-Dec-12 23:22:52

I like the sound of laser quest maillotjaune grin

VerityClinch Thu 06-Dec-12 08:16:07

Can I ask you all, did you get taken to pantomimes when you were children? Did you enjoy them?

I used to dread them. I was scared of the baddies, hated all the he's behind you enforced interaction, and the bit where they got some of the audience up on the stage OMG, I used to cower in my seat making no eye contact and hoping to god they wouldn't see me.

My parents must have thought I was an ungrateful little wotnot. I'd rather have been at the ballet!

Minichristmas Thu 06-Dec-12 16:26:55

I remember scary Panto. Also clowns and circus. Am V. Old so also remember hiding behind sofa when Lone Ranger came on. maillotjaune, I think we may have met on cycling thread. Have you read The Secret Race? Blimey......

TheElfOnThePanopticon Thu 06-Dec-12 16:47:39

Hello, fellow introverts.

I loved pantomimes when I was a kid, and also circuses. I still really enjoy pantomimes.

I wouldn't bother with activities to try and meet a partner. Do stuff that you enjoy and you might meet someone anyway, and outsource the looking to a sociable matchmaking friend who you trust to find you nice dates. Also online dating agencies. There is also meeting people online on other forums, and meeting up with them if you get on.

OstrichSizedToLapland Thu 06-Dec-12 17:32:21

I loved pantos too. Didn't like the shouting back bits but rather the play itself.

I second Elf's advice. Do things that interest you. Night courses could be another place for meeting people. Going back week after week gave me more incentive to interact with some class mates.

greenhill Thu 06-Dec-12 18:11:57

I've been to LaserQuest once, 20 years ago. I liked the adrenaline rush, but was too self conscious to really enjoy it (especially as I wasn't very good).

My DP's took us 10 pin bowling once, I was rubbish and hated it. The next time my family went I refused to get out of the car, because I wasn't going to wear anyone else's sweaty shoes, I didn't have anything to read either!

I am very stubborn and refuse to do things if I am not instantly perfect at them blush

I enjoyed the pantomime and ballet, as a child, as my DP's used to take us at Christmas. However when my DF was at my DD's ballet performance, a month ago at the local theatre, my DH and I almost died of embarrassment at him singing along to the songs, drumming his hands at the musical interludes, laughing out loud and shouting back replies to the emcee. I was glad to not be sitting immediately next to him.

I am embarrassed by my DF's extrovert behaviour. I find it needy and attention seeking blush. I feel like an uncomfortable, embarrassed teenager when he is being unnecessarily loud and drawing attention to himself blush. When I say anything to my DM she says "oh, he's just being your father".

R2PeePoo Thu 06-Dec-12 20:04:33

I am very stubborn and refuse to do things if I am not instantly perfect at them Yes! Me too!

I liked pantomimes as a child but I used to sink into my seat when the clown or whatever was going up the aisles looking for someone to go onstage. They picked me once, got hold of my arm and tried to lead me onto the stage. I dug my heels in and made it clear that nothing short of savage dogs would get me up on that stage. I was seven. They gave up first.

maillotjaune Thu 06-Dec-12 21:16:11

Minichristmas was it a thread about Wiggo? grin

Cycling. Now there's a sport for introverts - all in a line at the side of the road.

<Wistful recollection of a time when could cycle everywhere before pushchairs took over my life>

Minichristmas Thu 06-Dec-12 21:28:44

Yes maillot, we had a poem, and went to the Olympics. Watched Wiggo win. The book 'the secret race' is about doping, a gripping read.

maillotjaune Thu 06-Dec-12 23:17:18

We probably have the book here - I am glaring at DH's massive pile of bike magazines and books as I type. Will look for it.

Guitargirl Fri 07-Dec-12 19:31:41

I have had a week and a half this week - for an introvert. I have already told DP that I need him to take the DCs out for a couple of hours on Sunday so I can 'recharge'.

Have had endless, full-on meetings at work back to back, in all of which I was required to contribute quite a lot. This finished yesterday with a lecture to a group of students I had never met before. Today I spent the afternoon at DD's school, helping out with one of their class projects. And my mum has been staying so I don't even get any breathing space at the end of the day to stare into space in silence for a bit! I am EXHAUSTED - totally mentally drained.

maillotjaune Wed 12-Dec-12 19:15:01

Had forgotten where this thread was after Threads I'm On went haywire.

Survived DH's work do - actually it was fine, he works with some lovely people and I lucked out as someone was ill and I ended up between DH and the empty seat at dinner so avoided too much small talk. grin

Molepomandmistletoe Sun 16-Dec-12 18:05:07

Thanks to this thread I found a phrase that works when turning down nights out.

I've been asked 3 times so far and I've turned them all down by saying "No thanks, it's really not my thing and I'll just be miserable. Thanks for asking and hope you have a great time". I haven't fallen out with anyone yet from it. I've had a couple of odd looks, but that was it.

Mrsrudolphduvall Sun 16-Dec-12 18:11:05

Hello all!!!
I have a job which requires me to be vivacious, present talks, etc..which I do very well.
But..I love being on my own, go on holiday without dh and dcs, adore the house being empty and never answer my phone.

I am quite confident at parties..if you met me you would never assume I was quite an introvert.

Jacksmania Mon 24-Dec-12 04:05:07

Hello... may I join in? I stumbled upon this thread via another one, and oh my dear life, did "an introvert needs quiet to recover from being in a crowd or a party" ever ring bells with me.
I crave quiet after being around people all day. My ideal "treat" day for my birthday or other special occasion wouldn't be a day at the spa, it would be a day at home, alone.
I work with the public, I'm in the alternative health field, and have to talk to people all day. At the end of the day I just want some time to be alone and not hae anyone want anything from me. I've been diagnosed with depression and burn-out a few times but, although I struggle with anxiety, I don't feel depressed, (although burn-out is a possibility) I think it's just that I never have time to recharge.
I will be having surgery this next year that will necessitate taking about 6 weeks off work (prolapse repair), and, although I'm by no means looking forward to more surgery and more pain, I can't be sad abut taking six weeks off work. Its terrible but I'm actually looking forward to the excuse to have masses of down time blush.

NorksAreTinselly Mon 24-Dec-12 04:24:53

Hello Jacks welcome aboard.
I have been thinking about you quite a bit recently with your health palavers and it is always nice to see you around when I am having a little insomnia session.

The "down time' description is exactly right. It is essential to have a recharging session every day or I can't function.
Luckily the whole family are just the same. We are a peaceful bunch smile

Jacksmania Mon 24-Dec-12 04:39:07

Oh Norks, I do love you smile
Thanks for thinking of me.

It's funny, in general I'd say I'm actually a really healthy person... except for all these stupid problems grin. I think once the prolapse is sorted, and provided I don't get shingles again <shudder> I'll actually be healthy!
<knocks on own head wood> grin

Have you always had insomnia? I have a bit of it, I wake up quite a few times in the average night.
Sometimes I feel like the princess and the pea. I need my foam mattress topper, a super comfortable pillow, super soft sheets, a dark room, quiet, the window open for cool/cold air... or I can't sleep.
I feel stupid for it but otherwise I'll have a crap night. Does anyone else feel liked that?

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