Ok I give up, what's wrong with me?(32 Posts)
I don't mean to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I really don't understand why I have no friends at all!! I am 35, married have three children (14, 4 and 6 weeks). I think I'm a nice person, loyal and honest and yet I am complete unable to hold on to a friendship. The last time I had a friend to chat to, go out with etc was at least ten years ago?
I don't get it? I'm not a horrible person, I'm friendly and chatty? So why can't I have a freind? I have found that I tend to loose friends as they move away or do something fairly unforgivable. I would love to make a few freinds for girls nights, shopping, trip with the kids? Am I asking to much? Where is everybody? After having my baby a few weeks ago and no longer working I do feel lonely, I guess it never really bothered me before... What am I doing wrong? How do I go about making freinds? Any ideas?
I think it gets harder to make friends when we get older. I find it difficult too. I'm not sure if it's because I'm more reserved or because I'm more suspicious (had crappy 'friends' too). I don't really have any real advice but wanted to say you're not alone
Thanks cats, it's good to know I'm not the only one. I really don't understand what the issue is. I'm very reserved to, but have been trying hard. Going to clubs and groups with little ones, trying to make small talk with otter mums and nothing!
There loose, we're better off without them
Agree with catsrule think it's a mixture of those reasons for me too. I've made a real effort last few months and have reconnected with an old school friend and I'm hoping to make more at a class I'm starting after Xmas but it does feel like hard work. Hope things work out for you OP
I might try that, a class of some kind
I have tried to get back in touch with old school friends, bless Facebook, but it's a real struggle to get any dialogue going. Are we really too old to make new friends? I hope not
It is their loss.
I have an 8 month old ds and so far haven't made it to any mother and toddler groups (they are on so early and I'm not organised enough ) I've heard so many bad stories about these groups too that have also put me off.
I'm not sure where/how adults make friends...maybe a class sounds like a good idea like Wishfulmakeupping said.
So far the parent and toddler groups haven't worked our so well, we have only been a handful of times but have been unable to have a conversation longer than two sentences with anyone. Surely we're not that bad. The class does sound good, nor sure I'd have time with new baby? Don't feel bad cats, I wouldn't make it either if it wasn't for having to take the eldest to school.
I'm going to have to get my act together as going back to work soon...it's a thought! Any tips on how to get out the door on time? You must be an expert with three!
I'm in Glasgow...if you're nearby I'd love to go for coffee and always open to making new friends
I don't think it's necessarily you. I work full time, moved halfway across the world from my birth country so don't have school mates hanging around the same city so to speak.
I have made a few girlfriends through dc1 and his friends. But with dc2 I've hardly made any new friends. Her friends tend to be the younger siblings of her brother's friends! They go to the same nursery.
I thought I'd make more friends through dc1's school now that he's started reception and I'd say that I've probably reacquainted with some post natal group friends but haven't done anything social apart from shouting 'hello!' At the school gates.
I think at my age, I'm not too concerned about making new friends - I don't even have time for the old! At the music class I attend with my dc2 I have one friend there and we agreed to make that class together in an effort to see each other at least once a week in between wheels on the bus! I embarrassingly don't know the other mums and we just say hi. They seem to know each other though or at least there are pockets of small groups of them.
Not sure what I'm trying to say...but just wanted to say that I'm pretty sure it's not you - life is so hectic. I wish I could be friendlier with other people but I don't have the time!!
ruby the only people I have any contact with is my parents, husband, brother and children. I do have anyone else that Is any where near local to meet up with etc. I would love to organise a night out, but don't know any one to ask.
cats meeting up would be lovely, sadly I'm in Surrey, not likely to be passing through!
drcrab I had a very small group of friends at school (2), one I lost touch with and one moved away. I have moved area three times since I left school and it has left me with no one around that I have any connection with. I guess my family have always been very insular and now trying to build any relationships with others is difficult and not something I'm use to. I do appreciate that all the other mums I see are busy doing 101 things, just would be great to have someone in real life to talk to and share things with. How sad do I sound?
Sorry cats, mil meant to say the only way I manage to get anything done is having all their clothes laid out the night before, bags ready and then get up really early and run round like an idiot for the next two hours before shoving the kids out the door
Well I'm good at the running about like an idiot part
You don't sound sad at all, I think a lot of people can relate, I certainly can!
Did you work or plan to return? I always found making friends at work a bit of a grey area but in the last few years I have met some nice people through work. Most of our lives are very different but it's nice to still be in touch with some of them even if it's not very often.
Ruby - I've joined some play groups, library, story time etc anywhere that I can take the little ones and am likely to meet people around my age with little ones of their own. I'm going to start back at the gym next week, providing doctors signs me off as ok after my six week check. Trying!
Cats - I went back to work after my the four year old was born, unfortunately it's a family company and its me, my husband, mum, dad and brother!!! No chance of meeting people there. It is beginning to look a little bleak!
Maybe I should post in the wanted section, friends wanted!
Ah I suppose there's pros and cons of working for/with family!
There might be some postnatal classes at your gym too.
Someone introduced me to our local facebook via netmums group where people meet up locally for walks/coffee etc. It was a good idea but this particular one wasn't for me. Unfortunately I found that while there were some nice people there were a lot of silly girls bitching about one another...not my thing at all! And being considered a geriatric parent compared to them I never ended up taking part in their meet ups. That's not to say you couldn't check out local sites and it could be better where you live. I think mn has a local site too. Maybe worth a look.
I know what you mean, some decent people would be lovely. I'll have a look on Facebook and see what I can find. I've had a look on the mumsnet local bit, but there doesn't seem to be anything in my area. Maybe I could look at hosting meetings myself? Hopefully we will get somewhere soon. Xx
How you doing today?
Did you start a thread in mn local?
How's your snuggly newborn doing? My ds is teething so badly just now...we are really hoping for a tooth soon!
Baby doing well, he actually slept last couple of nights which is lovely!! Only three hours, but so much better than it has been.
I'm not looking forward to the teething stage, hope your little one isn't suffering too much. It not much fun and horrible not being able to do much to help them. I put a posting on a couple of local talk/friends threads.... We shall see. Playgroups tomorrow so maybe I'll find a real life friend there? How's your day been?
Hi OP I think the new MN local site has a friendship bench or something, not sure how up and running it is though. Making friends seems to come so naturally to some people but I agree to most people its really hard, and I always wonder if so many people find it hard but do want to make friends why we can just say to each other "hi I'm hoping to make friends here, fancy a chat?' But I have a feeling people would think I was odd if I actually did
What end of Surry are you in? I know parts of Surry are quite close to where I am in Middlesex Gtr London if you aren't miles away I'm always looking for new friends to enjoy
cake a chat with
3 hours at the moment is a long lie in ib my book
Ds is my first so I feel very helpless when he seems in pain...I'm just doing all the recommended stuff, gels, teething rings, powders...at least they distract him for a while.
Today he went to my mums for a few hours...I rushed round my housework then had a bath...alone without an audience! Then a hot cuppa coffee...funny how the simplest of things become bliss
Hey horrid - I've been on the local friends bench, not much happening there. I'm in Epsom not too far away, where abouts are you?
Cats - I'm still at the sad stage of not wanting baby out of my sight. I don't know why, each baby I am exactly the same? I really need to start letting go a little!!
A bath and coffee sounds like bliss, it's a shame that a small amount of free time and you spend a lot o it running round doing housework!!
Epsom is about 45 minutes from me (according to google maps!) so you're not miles out, I'll pm you
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