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(9 Posts)
Dreams Fri 12-Dec-03 20:53:48

I am new to all this but it looks very interesting helpful. What i wanted to know is if there is any other people out there that have the same problem as me or am the only one! :0(
I had my son 15 months ago and ever since i have given birth i have no interest in sex what so ever! I never think about it i don't want it and am not very relaxed when i do have it! (once in a blue moon!)lucky i have such an understanding partner but obviously he has needs to so it is starting a bit of a mift in our relationship as he feels like i am not attracted to him ....but its not like tht at all..I love him more than ever and still think hes as attractive as i did when i first fell in love with him.
I have read that some women get like this after having a child but i thought it was only for a year??
Will it ever come back to me or will i be like this forever?
Is there anyone else out there with the same feelings?
Any advice would be very gratful thanks

Forestfly Fri 12-Dec-03 20:56:07

My friend has not had sex since birth and her child is three, so your not alone Are you quite drained from looking after your child, perhaps you just can't give anymore. Sorry not much help as i have the opposite problem

thirtysomething Fri 12-Dec-03 20:59:25

it's very very common after having a baby (especially first one as you tend to be so wrapped up in him/her!) and depends also on what type of birth you have, how well your baby sleeps, how easy you feel about the whole motherhood thing - it will get better and get back to something like it was before but can take a couple of years or so, as your body has been through such an upheaval and your whole life has changed - maybe a holiday or good night out might help things a bit - sometimes it's just a question of trying to remember what life was like pre-baby and more importantly what you were like then!Good luck and don't depair!

Dreams Fri 12-Dec-03 21:12:43

ahhh hello its so nice to hear about other people and have advice ......firstly forestfly i envy you i used to have such a good sex drive!
Yes i am physically drained always have to have an afternoon nap or never make it through the day! my birth was ok but i was very scared of all that was happening to me could not even have a bloood test so dont know how i managed birth i am a big baby when it comes to things like that. i actually had a good labour no complications but i had all pain relief and it was 16hrs.
as for not having sex for 3 yrs i do have it but not often just does not cross my mind at all i suppose you could say i am to wrapped up in my son and thinking about him all the time.....i believe we need more time for us since hes been born i have only ever been apart from him for about 4hrs at once max and that was to go to work!
We never go out cause i dont really have anyone to look after my baby and am not very trust worthy of people as i would never want anything to happen to him !
I think i need to let my hair down a bit and sometimes be how i used to be !

hermykne Fri 12-Dec-03 21:19:43

perhaps you could leave your baby with a good friend for an hour or so and do things for yourself first and then maybe build up to a couple of hours - go to the cinema, drink, play, whatever, and maybe the "ole" spark for "loving" will rekindle!
i know how you dont want to be away from the baby makes you feel but its exhausting too. while they are always on your mind perhaps you need to think after 7pm its for you and your partner
you have to feel good about yourself first - maybe haircut or some beauty treat ....
just to get the old you back in gear

Dreams Fri 12-Dec-03 21:27:00

i understand what your saying and i know its all true and what needs to be done. To be honest as much as i love being with my son i am getting to the point now where i could just do with one night away....and just some time to have fun and a nice lie in! (he he)
My other problem is i dont have any confidence what so ever i did not get my figure back when i had my son and i suppose that has knocked me side ways a bit.
Its so great to know there are others out there like me cause i was feeling very abnormal and out of place about all this situation and it has taken me a while to write this thread ...(bit ashamed i suppose about my sex life)
thanks for all your advice i am taking it all in and its def helping me along already.

aloha Sat 13-Dec-03 23:22:33

I think it's really normal Dreams, but if you quite like sex when you do it, then I'd suggest you just do it. It wil be rather nice for you, great for your dh and very good for your relationship. May not be a very right on answer and not suggesting you swing from the light fitting in a latex catsuit (horrors!) but if you feel remotely turned on and enjoying yourself during sex, then just do it.

aloha Sat 13-Dec-03 23:23:29

PS: totally empathise about the body thing and totally recommend the night away thing. Book now!

twiglett Sun 14-Dec-03 09:03:37

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