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Why do older people HAVE to interfere???

(22 Posts)
CnR Tue 18-Nov-03 17:49:47

Just been shopping to supermarket with DD. Eventually got a parent and toddler place about a dozen steps from the store entrance. 19 month old DD wouldn't put her cardigan back on so though, well it's not raining, not that cold yet and we are so close - it'll be fine. So she went in just her dress (short sleeves). On the way there an older woman (60s???) stopped me to tell me that it looked like rain and that DD looked to be very under dressed for the weather!!! Not in a chatty jovial manner either, rather a looking down at me type of thing.

Was shocked so just mumbled soemthing about her being fine and walked off. Really shocked by her nterference though and it was so obvious I was only going a few steps.

As it happens DD never feels the cold anyway. She takes after my dad and hates to be bundled up in lots of clothes.

Why can't they just get on with their own business?!?

Beccarollo Tue 18-Nov-03 17:54:19

I hate this too - especially the one about them being cold - if your daughter was cold she would let you know!!

Babies and kids let us know when ANYTHING else is bothering them why would they suffer in silence with cold?

mieow Tue 18-Nov-03 17:54:58

My DD has her leg in plaster atm and she is refusing to keep a sock on her good foot as well as one over the end of the broken leg, and I have had people comment on it, but what can I do

ks Tue 18-Nov-03 18:03:08

Message withdrawn

zebra Tue 18-Nov-03 18:16:27

Do you remember the James Bulger murder, and the only person who stopped the killers and questioned their behavior was a little old lady?

fio2 Tue 18-Nov-03 18:25:35

I got told the other day my dd should not be in the pushchair, she should be walking because is too old for puschairs now. She is disbaled I have ordered my major buggy now!

codswallop Tue 18-Nov-03 18:30:58

AGree annoying but then Mn ers always go on about reporting maltreatment - so althougth I know you love your little girl, if she had had less loving parents and really been underdressed, would we have praised this intervention?

coppertop Tue 18-Nov-03 18:36:11

I dread those reports in the press about children being unable to talk because parents don't talk to them enough. As soon as it becomes obvious that my older-looking 3yr old has speech problems people tell me he'll improve if I would just talk to him more. Grrrrr.....

CnR Tue 18-Nov-03 19:06:05

Oh I know that there are cases where it might be "ok" but, the lady could see me with DD on her walk from the supermarket to me - I was chatting to DD, laughing and giggling with her about thiongs she had done at nursery, was kissing and cuddling - not exactly the actions of a maltreated child with its parents really.

Besides she was one of the peopple I mentioned on the parent and toddler spaces thread. She got into a car after leaving me ina P&T space without any child in place, just her husband who had gone on ahead. Just wish I had realised this when she had spoken to me as I could have at least retorted about that.

roscoe Tue 18-Nov-03 19:08:23

I wouldn't mind this kind of interference/intervention if it seemed well-meaning but it can often seem like sniping. A friendly "did you know your baby has lost a sock?" is very different to snapping "They'll freeze like that!"

Eulalia Tue 18-Nov-03 19:37:21

My ds aged 4.4 (autistic) walked from nursery to the car in his socks today as he wouldn't put his wellies on. Someone did say "isn't he cold" but fortunately in a fairly friendly way.

CnR - agree she was probably just being nosey. Mind you sometimes it can be a bit nippy in a supermarket, particularly round the fridges ...

lucy123 Tue 18-Nov-03 19:46:58

It seems to be worse in Spain: I've been told several times that i should get dd a dummy (she sucks her thumb), and also that I should get her ears pierced (almost all little girls here have their ars pierced). Also get filthy looks when I use reigns, although no-one has commnted yet!

fisil Tue 18-Nov-03 22:17:20

An old woman in the changing rooms was telling a 5yr old recently that she shouldn't suck her thumb ... cos she'd never get a boyfriend.

So I chipped in with some joke about my son being her boyfriend (he's 10 months old and was sitting there, thumb firmly planted in mouth as always). Which difused the situation a bit and made the little girl happier.

Then when I picked ds up to leave I said "up you come darling" and the silly interfering old cow said "no-one who sucks their thumb is a darling."

Why can't people mind their own business. Say it nicely, yes, but a nag to a complete stranger?

mieow Tue 18-Nov-03 22:27:37

Fio2 I had the same thing when DS was 3. I was told he should be walking and when I told the bloke that he was disabled he asked what was wrong> I told him he had Cp resulting from brain damage and he said "well he can't be that brain damaged if he lets you push him about!!!!!" The cheek,

dinosaur Tue 18-Nov-03 22:33:50

All sympathies CnR.

DS2 spent a lot of his first year with his legs in plaster from his hips to the tips of his toes and we got some right comments...

...in the winter I used to tell them it was a skiing accident.

tanzie Tue 18-Nov-03 23:28:57

Try living in Central Europe! Babies there are bundled in ski suits in mid summer - anything less, and several people stop you to tell you that your baby will catch cold, you should be wearing tights, where's his hat...

misdee Tue 18-Nov-03 23:34:02

oh i have to laugh. my dd1 has somehow made a lot of the girls in her nursery take their jackets off at the gates before they go in. we can be standing out there for 10mins somedays and as soon as they see dd1 they take their coats off and hand them to their mums. when their mums tell them its cold they reply with 'but ****** takes her coat off'. they will only put them back on if dd1 thinks she is cold.

mieow Wed 19-Nov-03 07:22:46

Misdee, DD1 also takes her coat off as soon as she gets to nursery and as soon as the taxi drop her off here, it could be peeing it down and she still takes it off before getting in the door........

CnR Wed 19-Nov-03 08:59:39

Eulalia - believe, Dd would certainly let me know if she was cold!!! Just like she let me know that she did not want to wear her coat!

fisil/mieow - how rude, amd inappropriate

Blu Wed 19-Nov-03 11:26:40

I expect Dinosaur and I had the same nosey groupies! DS also had leg in plaster (for corrective surgery to enable him to walk) and I had dirty looks, tut-tutting, 'how can anyone allow such a small child to have an accident'and in one fabulous incident, a woman who attempted compulsory faith healing in the corner shop, to remove my sins responsible for the 'punishment' of his four toes. Was also told that it was because I was an older mother (not true). My DS is mixed race, I am white, and when out alone with him, I was treated to 'fancy letting a little child get a sun tan. Don't you know that he could get cancer!' (my reply: his colour is genetic. were your manners inherited, too?).

None of these wise souls were any older than me.....

Blu Wed 19-Nov-03 11:27:53

Oh dear! have just realised that they WERE all women!

tallulah Thu 20-Nov-03 21:20:47

My DD used to throw major tantrums regularly until she was 11. If she did it while we were out we'd just walk off & leave her (aged about 8) knowing she'd come after us, and watching without her realising. I could guarantee that she would always be approached by some little old lady oozing sympathy. I'd have to really bite my tongue not to shout at them to leave her alone.

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