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Who are the men on Mumsnet?

(75 Posts)
Rhubarb Thu 16-Oct-03 16:16:00

I know that we have Tom, Dadslib, SimonHoward (although he should be in missing persons!) and now we've got BearintheBigBlueHouse. I can't help but feel curious as to who these men are. My dh, whilst a very doting father, wouldn't dream of going onto a discussion board or parenting website. He never discusses his private life with anyone other than a couple of close friends. He wouldn't dream of posting for advice or to offer an opinion on parenting. And to be honest, most parenting sites as Tom said, are mainly set up for women. So you men, just to satisfy my curiousity, who are you, what do you do and why do you post on these forums?

Here's my thoughts based on the postings by each man.
Tom - quite good-looking, works with people, opinionated but reasonable, would probably suit a social services job (depending on how you view social services!).
Dadslib - a woman just trying to get out! Probably resents having to stay at home and only surfs the web out of boredom.
SimonHoward - a bespectacled accountant who cannot do enough for his missus, a bit like that mc bloke from wife swap!
Bearinthe.... don't know enough about him yet, but probably not bad looking and again, works in a people job. Does more than his fair share of the childcare because he likes doing it, wants to be hands-on all the time. Probably to be seen on the high street with the baby in one of those back-packs.

So how right/wrong am I?

Rhubarb Thu 16-Oct-03 16:20:48

Oops better say how good looking I think Dadslib must be before I get into trouble about calling him a woman!

Freddiecat Thu 16-Oct-03 16:25:12

Good question Rhubarb. My DP would never had posted on a parenting forum (did suggest fathersdirect to him) despite being a SAHD for 9 months.

Do men do SAH childcare differently to women generally? I tended to take DS to other houses with children and do social stuff whereas DP took him to B&Q, the scrap yard and the quarry (which is fine - we all have different approaches). The HV suggested a playgroup where another dad went but he was not interested at all.

I think it's good men post here. I wish I'd been on Mumsnet just over a year ago when I returned to work leaving our 3 month old DS with DP. Talking to SAHD's and working mums with partners at home would have made me feel a lot better. I went through a lot of "I am not being a proper mother and a proper woman" feelings (all gone now but DP at work). I felt guilty and jealous at the same time.

Northerner Thu 16-Oct-03 16:29:44

Great thread Rhubarb. Can't wait to read their responses!

Easy Thu 16-Oct-03 16:30:10

My dh posts on lots of forums (should that be fora?) but they're all techie ones he's in software development). He totally understands my obsession with mumsnet, as a means of "getting out with people".

If he was a SAHD I'm sure he'd use it, but not for really personal stuff (like "How Often".

Easy Thu 16-Oct-03 16:31:49

didn't mean to wink.

Anyway, I think it's great to have dads as well as mums here, but then I've never been a Woman's woman.

Hen partys are my idea of hell.

Rhubarb Thu 16-Oct-03 16:37:44

I like hearing a man's point of view too! But generally I think men tend to steer clear of forums like this, especially as this site is called 'Mumsnet'. So I just want to know what attracted them to such a site and how come they're not propping up their local bar? If I tried talking pregnancy or parenting to any of the men I know, they'd run a mile! So what makes this lot so different?

dadslib Thu 16-Oct-03 17:17:33

Message withdrawn

victoriapeckham Thu 16-Oct-03 17:33:59

They are of the same annoying breed as men i knew at university who would always whine that women's groups were sexist. Really strong, supportive men would encourage women to have a place where they could share their feelings, views and emotions. Why shouldn t there be a place on the net for mothers — who carry the vast burden of family life — to have a good moan about our menfolk who put upon us. Why should we perpetually have to break off from and justify every remark to some chippy, insecure, controlling male in New Man clothing.

I prefer mixed company to hen-night style gatherings, but what woman would want to go out with the kind of man who posts on here?

dadslib Thu 16-Oct-03 17:36:29

Message withdrawn

forestfly Thu 16-Oct-03 17:38:04

There wives?

lou33 Thu 16-Oct-03 17:39:40

Oh no, please let's not have another altercation on here! I think all the blokes on here are probably ok in real life. Things can get misinterpreted very easily without hearing a tone of voice.

victoriapeckham Thu 16-Oct-03 17:42:34

Forestfly: i rather doubt it.
Lou33: but why are they here? why do they feel such an urge to appropriate a largely female site? very dodgy power thing going on, i think.

sykes Thu 16-Oct-03 17:43:37

Dear DL, or should I just call you chippy - fits in with your fish fetish . ... New man clothing? Just don't get it, does anyone? Have a good evening.

dadslib Thu 16-Oct-03 17:43:52

Message withdrawn

Enid Thu 16-Oct-03 18:20:40

I have to say that I think its bizarre - but only because my dp would NEVER post on mumsnet in a million years (although he does say 'why dont you ask mumsnet?' if we are battling with a thorny parenting issue). Also I can't imagine a relationship where the man would post and the woman wouldn't - all the women I know are so chatty and nosey (in a nice way!)they couldn't resist...I suspect that some men on here post without their wives/partners knowing and I just find that odd, so that often makes me feel prickly about them - also most of them DO flirt, whatever they may say, and I am quite a prude I suppose, I don't like it very much...having said that there have been men who have contributed quite a lot, Tom for example and Bear (I think he's funny).

Tom Thu 16-Oct-03 19:10:55

How do you get quite good lookin from my posts??!! You might think that, but I couldn't possibly comment Reckon I'd be hopeless in a social services job tho'
Why do I come here? It sparks my interest sometimes - I tend to post for a few weeks, then bugger off for months, only to come back and annoy you all again It's good for parenting issues... erm... discussing stuff with women is second nature to me, since studying gender at uni in a class of 25 women and me, and most of the people in my field are women... so it doesn't seem unusual to me.
Erm.. what else d'you wanna know?

Tom Thu 16-Oct-03 19:35:10

Oh and another reason I come here is because Justine and I have met and occasionally stay in touch - we were thinking about linkages between FD and MN... the article I wrote for big issues came out of that - we tend to recommend MN for mums over other parenting sites.

lou33 Thu 16-Oct-03 20:49:12

Enid I don't think it's bizarre, but then again I have a dh who is dying to post on here! I think, after conversations with dh about it, that men just don't have the type of conversations as women, and that some enjoy them. Dh prefers chatting about some things to women and others to men, so do I. If the men on here had posted under female names we would be none the wiser, and just assumed a,b or c was having an off day if they got a bit stroppy.

I don't think it's anything to do with power trips.

aloha Thu 16-Oct-03 21:14:59

I don't think they seem odd - though dh only posts on the Leeds United site and that's only because I think he was jealous of my *relationship* with Mumsnet . I think it's really mean to attack someone's whole personality and motivation etc etc when you just don't know them at all. I think men do try to control things more - in general - than women, but I am still intrigued by most of the men who post here from time to time. I certainly never thought of it as problem or issue until this week. Seems to stir up a lot of hostility. I actually much prefer female company to male but that's just like preferring blue to pink - a taste, not a moral judgement. I've never before found the male posters at all intrusive. Please don't lets get into another slanging match for no reason.

aloha Thu 16-Oct-03 21:16:34

I think for some men it must be lovely to break out of the male straitjacket of never talking about anything personal etc. My dh loves it when my friends come over (in fact all my exes also loved all-female gatherings) so I don't find it at all strange that a man should like to hang out with women.

Furball Thu 16-Oct-03 21:28:56

Stuartc where you these days?

StuartC Thu 16-Oct-03 21:33:55

Hi Furball
Just arrived.

Furball Thu 16-Oct-03 21:39:40

Long time no see Mr C, care to answer the question? as you are of the required ilk.

StuartC Thu 16-Oct-03 21:59:33

There were two threads which were very active last weekend "Why are men so inconsiderate?" and "Is mumsnet sexist?"
My answer to your question was on there. If you don't mind I'll cut and paste.....

"I visited mumsnet after reading a newspaper article which described it as "for parents". I have a stepson so I was interested.
One of the posters asked for a male opinion, so I obliged.
I keep visiting the site because it is interesting and educational to read about life from women's perspectives.
My immediate work environment is 100% male so I don't hear women's viewpoints there.
Although I have female friends, mostly through DP, I don't see them frequently enough to gain an insight.

I normally only post if I have something to add to a discussion - a male opinion or a factual item.
I hope I've never been impolite even when I've had abuse heaped upon me (remember the circumcision and pornography threads).

This thread (***remember this is pasted from another thread***) is "Is mumsnet sexist?" - I think there are too many different viewpoints to make such a generalisation. It is however a fact that threads or postings which denounce all men as nasty are not normally challenged. In the last couple of days that challenge has been made (by male posters). It is comforting that several female posters have supported that challenge. (Thank you.)"

I don't think I'll stay on this thread ("Who are the men..." ) as I predict that one of the newcomers is going to turn it into a slanging match - and that's not really fun, is it?

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