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Do your really have to ...

(29 Posts)
Hattie05 Sat 20-Aug-05 22:19:56

give permission to dp/dh to do things? I notice a lot of threads here being should i shouldn't i allow dp to.....
Is it just the way the written language makes it sound, or do people really live in a world where they have to have each others 'permission'.

Or am i just a bit too laid back?

MarsLady Sat 20-Aug-05 22:20:37

you're probably like me hattie.

biglips Sat 20-Aug-05 22:21:04

same here too

myturn Sat 20-Aug-05 22:22:34

I do what I like.

DH does what he likes.

But with my permission ofcourse...

biglips Sat 20-Aug-05 22:23:51

myturn - do you need his permission too? if you want to do something??

myturn Sat 20-Aug-05 22:26:50

Absolutely not!! He knows who wears the trousers...

Hattie05 Sat 20-Aug-05 22:27:19

glad to hear i'm not alone! Yes i do what i like, dp does what he likes, and i'm happy if hes happy vice versa.

Couldn't imagine what life would be like if i said to him, actually i don't think i can allow you to do that or vice versa!

myturn Sat 20-Aug-05 22:30:38

Being serious though, I do what I like to a degree. I wouldn't do something that I know or would imagine would upset or worry dh even if I would like to. And vice versa.

Whizzz Sat 20-Aug-05 22:33:48

I'd reply....but DH won't let me

myturn Sat 20-Aug-05 22:38:50

Get out that permission slip then!

colditz Sat 20-Aug-05 22:42:23

If I don't withhold permission for dp to do some things then

a)We would be living in absolute poverty. he used to ask me questions like "Can I spend that £80 on 2 playstation games?" He meant the money for the council tax

b)It is quite possible his mother would be living here part time, to take care of ds while I am at work

c)Chips would be on ds's plate every meal, every day. I buy the food because of this, I also "broke" the deep fat fryer.

d)Our house and garden would be a complete and utter tip, as if I don't make him do things, he simply will not do it eg I have been waiting 18 months for him to finish putting a fence up in our garden.

e) Ds would never get a bath, as I do late shifts, andf left to his own devices, dp would not bath ds.

Basically, I would end up doing all the housework, all the childcare and paying for everything too. If I "allowed" it. However, with me to kick his arse he is quite a good father and partner.

Pruni Sat 20-Aug-05 22:56:57

Message withdrawn

Hattie05 Sat 20-Aug-05 22:57:30

Ahh yes, training is a different thing altogether
So long as you don't ask him permission to train him its ok.

For example
I have trained dp on

how to hang a towel up after a shower.
how to make a bed if hes the last one up.
how to put his shoes by the front door rather than in the middle of the dining room each evening
how to load a dishwasher and washing machine

but i did not ask his permission for any of it!

myturn Sat 20-Aug-05 22:58:50

Hattie05 Sat 20-Aug-05 22:59:04

i find using a phrase like "hang your towel up bitch" works best.

MistressMary Sat 20-Aug-05 23:00:29

I let my partner know what I'm doing but needing permission?

Umm no.

moondog Sat 20-Aug-05 23:01:18

colditz..I am shocked about what you say about your dp.

colditz Sat 20-Aug-05 23:02:10

Why Moondog? I assure you it is true. That is how we lived until I took control of the finances, and started leaving lists.

colditz Sat 20-Aug-05 23:02:53

Are you shocked by him or shocked by me?

colditz Sat 20-Aug-05 23:07:00

Oh dear, I have horrified everyone with my strident ranting

moondog Sat 20-Aug-05 23:10:14

No shocked by both really. His uselessness (sorry,just that this is how it comes across)and your patience.
You must love him very much and/or he must make up for it in other areas.

Hattie05 Sat 20-Aug-05 23:12:21

I'm not horrifed colditz and know lots of friends whose dp's are similar. Mine has never had the opportunity

MarsLady Sat 20-Aug-05 23:15:21

I hear you colditz, I hear you. There would be no veg on plates if I left it up to DH. Nor would bathing take place or hair brushing or suncream.

Agree with hattie re:training lol, though DH hates the term. lol again

colditz Sat 20-Aug-05 23:16:31

He does make up for it, by never ever hinting that I should do more Parent-work because I am a woman, and because I get out on my own whenever I feel like it.

However the tides turned on him 3 weeks after ds was born, I had appalling PND, and I broke a (fully laden!) plate over his head because he told me I was being a hypochondriac.

So, you never know, he may be posting on here one day about his mentally unstable girlfriend who, like, nags him all the time.....

edam Sat 20-Aug-05 23:18:32

The 'allowed' thing really bothers me too. I'm an adult, I don't need anyone's permission to do anything, thanks very much. Dh would be horrified if I asked him for permission to do something. He doesn't own me and vice versa. Of course, we consult each other about all sort of things - dh is out with some mates tonight and obviously he told me about to check it was convenient and I wasn't planning something else for tonight - but it isn't a question of asking permission. I wouldn't go anywhere near a man who thought he could order me around.

Dh has some Jehovah's Witness cousins. They invited us for dinner once. I went outside for a cigarette. Dh told me later his cousin had been quite shocked and said, to dh, 'I'm amazed you allow Edam to smoke.'! FFS. Felt quite tempted to leave a fag burn, frankly.

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