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Why do parents want to constantly compete that its harder work for them than it is for you.

(45 Posts)
fairyfly Fri 19-Aug-05 09:16:32

It is like some morbid competition about who has the worst time. I am lucky as i have two children as opposed to one which apparently is harder work. I am lucky as i have two children as oppossed to three which is harder work. I am lucky as i have no husband as oppossed to a husband which is harder work

If one more parent says....... its ok for you, you don't have this. that. or this. or that......... i will drink a bottle of gin and throw up on their feet.

Twiglett Fri 19-Aug-05 09:17:41

good threat

fairyfly Fri 19-Aug-05 09:18:11

oh and they all say....... i wish i was going home to an empty house

milward Fri 19-Aug-05 09:18:20

Have this alot - especially from mums who work who think being a sahm is just a round of playgroup & making cakes.

Toothache Fri 19-Aug-05 09:18:59

FF - Bit of a waste of Gin don't you think!!!???

I think its a desperate need to feel valued and understood.

Twiglett Fri 19-Aug-05 09:19:15

I have a similar problem in that whatever I tell my mother she goes off on some really long rambling story about how much more difficult it was for her when we were children

I figure she's just trying to empathise but then gets caught up in self-obsession by accident

Toothache Fri 19-Aug-05 09:19:32

Well... it is isn't it Milward? ....and the odd school run I s'pose.

>runs<

basketcase Fri 19-Aug-05 09:20:08

My mil used to have her DH work away for months on end (to get away from her I suspect and she just loves to tell me how lucky I am to have DH around as much as I do and how much harder it was for her... Yes - but that was their decision, he could have taken another job and stayed at home...
She talks about how having boys (her) is muuuch harder than girls (me) - what rubbish.

fairyfly Fri 19-Aug-05 09:23:04

I may start going round saying it back i whiney voice, its ok for you , you have a husband, its ok for you i'm alone, its ok for you, you have one child, but i would eventually have to shoot myself.

Eaney Fri 19-Aug-05 09:23:14

My mother is no help. She did have it alot harder than me (no elctricity or running water) and I feel I can't complain at all. It doesn't make me feel any better to know someone has a harder time than me.
Is it too early for a gin????

suzywong Fri 19-Aug-05 09:24:20

it's ok for you..... you can drink gin ....me? I have a dicky liver

morningpaper Fri 19-Aug-05 09:25:02

Message withdrawn

Fennel Fri 19-Aug-05 09:25:10

Maybe its cos people don't like you if you are having an easier time of parenting. My dd1 was a dream baby, sleeping through from a month, put on lots of weight easily, etc. We cruised through the early months. People who were struggling didn't like to hear it! they were happier when i had dd2 who didn't sleep so well.

Aragon Fri 19-Aug-05 09:25:17

One husband, one child and they both need such alot of looking after. Two children can amuse each other ...... you're lucky. [wicked grin emoticon].

Seriously, I think it's the old "one upmanship" thing. Some people get so wrapped up in their own lives that they cannot for one second appreciete what someone elses life is like. And they certainly cannot accept that it's harder than their own.

mumtosomeone Fri 19-Aug-05 09:29:36

I was in morrisons the other day, the women on the till was going on about how she baked her own cakes etc and I said sometimes i do but its hard to find time in the hols..she went on and on at me about not working etc. I asked how many children she had..1 she said, I said well I have 5 so its pretty much a full time job she said oh its so much easier with 5 than 1..I laughed!!!!

fairyfly Fri 19-Aug-05 09:32:28

I just make it look so easy with my freshly prepared meals, my immaculate appearance, my in the image of god himself children and my social calender that people obviously want to be me. But they honestly dont see behind the scenes, men have visited my house and left skid marks in the toliet her too.

My mother is also the same twiglett, apparently she never went on holiday or out until i left home. I don't dare mention the times we all went abroad or the times i was put to bed in the landlords bed.it's ok for her, she has a husband, and four kids.

Aragon Fri 19-Aug-05 09:33:07

Yep! I only have one and at times I moan that it's hard work. Then I go to work (am a HV) and see one of my Mums who has 10 and copes amazingly well - puts me to shame I can tell you.
I don't know how she does it but one thing I am sure of is that her workload is harder than mine.

Yes I do have time to bake cakes at times. But only occasionally as am not that domesticated.

batters Fri 19-Aug-05 09:34:06

I can top you all with being told how lucky I am.

A woman I hadn't seen for literally years and I met a few months ago at a mutual friend's house. She was moaning about how much work it was organising her dad's 70th birthday party. At one point she turned round to me and said conversationally "of course, you don't have all this bother do you as your father is dead? That's one thing you must be feeling good about". She then carried on complaining about seating plans.

happymerryberries Fri 19-Aug-05 09:34:35

I think it is either people wanting to feel validated or
In some bizare cases people don't want you to feel bad about your own situation so they try to paint themselves worse off so that you might feel a bit better? Sounds daft I know, and I don't think that it ever workd, but sometimes nice people try to do this!

I've had it over dhs cancer diagnosis. people honestly seem to try to make me feel better by painting their situation as worse.

mumtosomeone Fri 19-Aug-05 09:34:38

why do our parents only remember the good stuff!!
You never spoke to me like that!!!
Ha!!

happymerryberries Fri 19-Aug-05 09:36:14

Batters Kin'ell! that was a blinder!!!!!

Mind you my mother told me after my first pg ended in a m/c , 'Never mind, what you never have you can never miss' (a dig at me for leaving home wrapped up in that one!)

moozoboozobillynomates Fri 19-Aug-05 09:36:29



What a bitch!!!!!!

I had that when my Nan died. I was very close to her, and I was absolutely broken. A "friend" said to me a few days after "Oh well, it was only your Nan. I lost my Mother when I was 16, and you can't treally compare the two can you?" Cow. I have fallen out with her since. Things like that really f*ck me off.

fairyfly Fri 19-Aug-05 09:38:17

HA! Batters.

Hmb, sweet idea, maybe some people, but its not something i've ever tried. My husband is very ill, well let me tell you what has happened to me lately and then you feel better. Nah, cant see it working.

happymerryberries Fri 19-Aug-05 09:42:31

I don;t think that it does either .

I think that people can sometimes desparatly want to say something to help you, can't think of anything sane, and so just start talking any old crap that they think might work!

These are the nice people. Some people OTOH are just aresholes so wrapped up in themselves that they never see past their own skin!

Fennel Fri 19-Aug-05 09:44:54

I do think it's partly that people don't want to be seen as gloating about how perfectly their children are behaving or how wonderful their life is. If everyone is grumbling about their out of control toddlers you can't really say "well, mine never tantrums" - for a start they don't believe you and they think you're smug, and a liar, or implying you're a better mother than them.

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