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All Men R The Same

(10 Posts)
mummygow Sat 04-Jun-05 21:47:23

How to Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How to Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake Willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your Willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire Willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake Willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.

zaphod Sat 04-Jun-05 21:52:18

I laughed so hard, beer came out my nose....it was the 'woo woo' sound.

mummygow Sat 04-Jun-05 21:53:50

That was the bit that had me rolling around on floor laughing

Frizbe Sat 04-Jun-05 21:54:00

Oh Gawd how true....

squirrel3 Sat 04-Jun-05 21:57:56

ROFL True, very true.

serah Sat 04-Jun-05 22:20:35

Trying not to hijack mummygow, but thought you might like this one too.... ; )

WOMEN:

Women have strengths that amaze men. They carry children; they carry hardships, they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

Women wait by the phone for a ”safe at home call” from a friend after a snowy drive home.

Women have special qualities about them. They volunteer for good causes.

They are pink ladies in hospitals; they bring food to shut-ins. They are childcare workers, executives, attorneys, stay-at-home mums, biker babes and your neighbours. They wear suits, jeans, and they wear uniforms.

They fight for what they believe in. They stand up for injustice. They are in the front row at PTA meetings. They vote for the person that will do the best job for family issues. They walk and talk the extra mile to get their children in the right schools and for getting their family the right health care. They write to the editor, their MP’s and to the "powers that be" for things that make for a better life. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They stick a love note in their lover's lunch box. They do without new shoes so their children can have them. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally.

Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.

Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage.

Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

A woman's touch can cure any ailment. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. She can make a romantic evening unforgettable. Women come in all sizes, in all colours and shapes.

They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.





MEN:

Men are good at lifting heavy stuff.

mummygow Sat 04-Jun-05 22:25:08

serah

ChaCha Wed 15-Jun-05 18:13:39

mummygow, that was hilarious, am going to have to tell the ante-natal Novemberers about this...oh my gosh, ROFL @ the woo-woo bit...oh it's all so true!!!!!!!!!

Ha ha ha ha!!!!! What a chuckle!

rodeo1 Wed 15-Jun-05 20:44:25

HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

How funny! Thanks mummy, was reading the ladies part and thought "ow, this isn't going to make me laugh like chacha said it was", but then got to the man part!

Loved the blow your nose into your hands and let the water wash it off - brilliant!

And the Woo-woo bit!

And the bum hairs on the soap!

And the shower curtain bit!

So funny and so true!

Alannah Fri 17-Jun-05 14:39:23

My DP has similar characteristics to the showering man mentioned by mummygow but he didn't actually make the woo, woo noise.

However having read this out to him, he now does!

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