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A few Beckisms.....

(12 Posts)
womba1 Sun 08-May-05 22:47:29

Posh and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching the six o'clock news.
The main story is a man threatening to jump off the Clifton
Suspension Bridge on to the busy road below.
Posh turns to Becks and says:
"David, I bet you 5,000 that he jumps!"
To which Beckham replies "5,000? Done! I bet that he doesn't."
So they shake hands on the bet and continue watching.
Sure enough, the Man jumps and hits the road below with a loud thud.
Beckham takes 5,000 out of his back pocket and hands it to Posh.
But she refuses.
"I can't take your money, David," she says.
"The truth is, I was cheating. I saw the five o'clock news, so I knew he was going to jump."
"No, babe, fair's fair" says David.
"That money is yours fair and square I was cheating just as you were.
I saw the five o'clock news, too.
I just didn't think he would do it again."

The Real Madrid players are in the dressing room on Saturday,
just before the game, when Zidane walks in.
Boss," he says, "there's a problem.
I'm not playing unless I get a cortisone injection."
"Hey," says Becks. "If he's having a new car, so am I."

David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in The
Kitchen department of a large department store. "What's that?" he asks.
"A Thermos flask," replies the assistant. "What does it do?" asks
Becks. The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.
Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next
training session. "Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly.
"It's a Thermos flask." The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they ask.
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, "says David.
"And what have you got in it?" ask the lads.
"Two cups of coffee and a Choc ice," replies David.

Posh takes her car into a garage to have some dents removed.
The mechanic knowing she isn't the brightest Spice Girl in the world,
decides to play a joke on her.
"You don't need me to take those dents out," he says.
"Just blow up the exhaust pipe and the metal will pop back into place".
So she takes the car home and tries it.
David spots her from the house and shouts
"You silly cow! You have to wind the windows up first!"

David Beckham is celebrating: "57 days, 57 days!" he shouts happily.
Posh asks him why he is celebrating. He answers: "Well, I've done this
jigsaw in only 57 days." "Is that good?" asks Posh. "You bet," says
David. "It says 3 to 5 years on the box."

David Beckham had a near-death experience the other day when he went riding.
Everything was going fine until the horse started bucking up and down out of control.
He tried with all his might to hang on but it was no good.
With his foot caught in the stirrup, he fell head-first to the ground.
His head continued to bump on the ground as the horse refused to stop
or even slow down. Fortunately, however, there was a happy ending.
Just as he was giving up hope and losing consciousness,
the Woolworth's' manager came along and unplugged it.

Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road
one evening when a cow ran in front of the car.
The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't the cow was killed.
Posh told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and
explain to the owners what happened.
About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his
clothes in disarray.
He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and
smiling happily.
"What happened?" asked Posh.
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine,
his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad
passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh.
The driver replied: "I'm Victoria Beckham's driver, and I just
killed the cow."

pixiefish Sun 08-May-05 22:58:46


kama Sun 08-May-05 23:07:14

Message withdrawn

MarsLady Sun 08-May-05 23:08:13

PMSL will email my sisters forthwith!

squirrel3 Mon 09-May-05 09:07:21

PMSL, can I add these to the nutty stepmums thread, we could all do with a laugh.

suzywong Mon 09-May-05 09:23:26

I like those

coldtea Mon 09-May-05 09:54:02

Very good!

Marina Mon 09-May-05 09:56:14

I am going to be mailing these on to a few people, thankyou womba!

bosscat Mon 09-May-05 10:15:42

couldn't stop laughing at the jigsaw one!

womba1 Mon 09-May-05 11:05:39

I'm pleased they're all raised a smile or two!!!

BEKsmum Wed 11-May-05 16:59:58


vickiyumyum Wed 11-May-05 17:09:38

pmsl womba, have sent them to all my email contacts. thanks for making me laugh on an otherwise dull and disapointing day!

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