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Please, give me some jokes for a child of 5

(29 Posts)
Easy Thu 03-Feb-05 15:52:15

ds has really got into telling jokes, but doesn't have many. Can you please give me any to teach him.

I'll contribute one of his now, and pledge 5p pocket money to comic relief for any more you can give.


What is a cat's favourite breakfast?
Mice Crispies.


ta-da

emmatmg Thu 03-Feb-05 15:55:47

why did the skeleton hide behind the tree?

because the dog was after it's bones.


that's Ds1's favourite and only joke.

From Ds2 we have....

how do yo know you've got a elephant/cat/horse/bear/cow any animal tbh in your fridge?

because of the foot prints in the butter.


I will be keeping a close eye on this thread as these have been the only jokes in our house for months and I'm going slowly mad.........

WigWamBam Thu 03-Feb-05 15:57:38

Q: What do monsters make with cars?
A: Traffic Jam

Q: Why did the pony cough?
A: He was a little hoarse!

Q: What do sheep do on sunny days?
A: Have a baa - baa - cue!

Q: How do you know when a dog has been naughty?
A: It leaves a little poodle on the carpet!

Q: Where do Aliens keep their sandwiches?
A: In a Launch box

Q: Why couldn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A: He had no body to go with!

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 8 9 !

Q: What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A: A nervous wreck

Knock Knock. - Who's there? Tom. - Tom who? - Tomato Soup............

Q: What lies in a cot and wobbles?
A: A Jelly Baby!

flashingnose Thu 03-Feb-05 16:02:53

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

Why did the mushroom have such a good time at the party?

Because he was a fun guy

Hmm...

lowcalCOD Thu 03-Feb-05 16:05:27

what football team likes ice cream?
aston vanilla

Frieda Thu 03-Feb-05 16:10:19

Knock knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo Who?
Don't cry, it's only me!

tortoiseshell Thu 03-Feb-05 16:13:55

What does a policeman have on his toast? Traffic jam.

Why did tigger fall in the toilet? He was looking for pooh!

crunchie Thu 03-Feb-05 16:19:07

What do you call a fairy who hasn't had a bath for a week?

Stinkerbell

SecondhandRose Thu 03-Feb-05 16:21:31

Where do cows go on holiday? Moo York/Moo Zealand

What did the undertaker die of? Coffin(g). Maybe a little advanced!

Easy Thu 03-Feb-05 16:39:10

Great stuff, MORE MORE

SoupDragon Thu 03-Feb-05 16:40:56

What do you call a donkey with three legs?
A wonky

amynnixmum Thu 03-Feb-05 16:41:35

DD's current favourite is:
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a swimming pool?
Swimming trunks.

LizP Fri 04-Feb-05 08:26:39

what is a frogs favorite drink ?

croak-a-cola

nailpolish Fri 04-Feb-05 08:37:37

what do you call a deer with no eyes

no idea (no eye deer)

why cant an elephant ride a bike

he doesnt have a thumb to ring the bell

Hausfrau Fri 04-Feb-05 08:47:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hausfrau Fri 04-Feb-05 08:49:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2boysmum Fri 04-Feb-05 09:58:29

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?

Doyahinkhesauras!

Pacific Fri 04-Feb-05 10:02:17

Knock knock
Who's there?
Cows
Cows who?
Don't be silly, cows moo!

Marina Fri 04-Feb-05 10:02:20

What's yellow and v. dangerous?
Shark-infested custard.

What's green and goes up and down?
A gooseberry in a lift.

What's full of currants and very angry?
Attila the Bun.

Marina Fri 04-Feb-05 10:03:13

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
There's no need to cry, it's only a joke!

binkie Fri 04-Feb-05 10:08:44

What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and an elephant?
- GREAT BIG HOLES ALL OVER AUSTRALIA (has to be done shouting and jumping)

What time is it when a crocodile sees a pirate?
- Lunchtime!

and a variation of Marina's:

Knock knock
Who's there
It's only Joe ...
Only Joe who?
Only JOKING

helsi Fri 04-Feb-05 18:23:48

A new zoo keeper started working at a zoo and was sent to look after some tropical fish. He gave them toomuch food and they died so he hid them in a plastic bag and went to feed the monkeys. When he went into the cage one of the monkeys jumped on him and started biting him so he hit it on the head with a brush and it died - "oh no" thought the zoo keeper "what have I done?" and as he didn't want to get into trouble he hid the monkey in the plastic bag and went to see the bee hives. the bees swarmd around him and stinging him so he picked up the hose pipe and squirted them all to death. Again, worried that he would get into trouble he put them in the plastic bag and went to feed the lions. Suddenly he had a goos idea - "I know, I will feed the contents of my bag to the lions. No-one will know" - so he did.
A while later some new lions came to the zoo and asked the old leader lion what was for tea. The leader lion replied - "we have got a new chef - tonight we are having, fish, chimps and mushy bees".

Merlin Fri 04-Feb-05 18:33:06

Why did the banana go to the Doctors?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!!!!

aloha Fri 04-Feb-05 18:34:32

What's yellow and stupid?
Thick custard.

KatieMac Fri 04-Feb-05 18:38:55

Q How do you know there's an elephant in the fridge
A Footprints in the butter
Q How do you know there's two elephants in the fridge
A Two sets of Footprints in the butter

and finally

Q How do you know there's three elephants in the fridge
A Three sets of Footprints in the butter (said by other person)
Final A Don't be silly you can't get three elephants in the fridge

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