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newbie to only idea

(7 Posts)
linserella Tue 29-Sep-09 22:32:50

I'm new to this chat room (tending to spend most of my virtual MN time in Behaviour and Development!). However, I'm currently coming around to the idea of having an only and apart from occasional pangs of never going through the milestones etc again (plus I loved being pregnant) I am increasingly finding all of the positives to this choice(!) and I suppose, getting closure on it. So rather than remain in a limbo of "we'll see what happens" I want to take control and make the right choice for all of us for the right reasons. I'm 38 and for personal reasons wouldn't want to be much older than this if we chose to have more children. DP is 5 years younger than me at 33 and although he has a vague idea he would like more children (he is equally happy with one), this is long term. In the short term he has concerns about finances and security (which I fully appreciate) but I suppose this has made the 5 year age difference more obvious plus being a man he has no age limit! DD is newly 3 and a ray of light and I am loving seeing her ever growing independence. Added to this I am getting more of my life back again and do wonder if I would actually WANT to return to all the baby stuff again! Then I'm sad she won't have a brother or sister (I'm one of three and we're quite close) but I can see that she'll have the best of everything we can offer. To and fro! but I'm increasingly so much more in the only camp now! I don't have a queston as such, just sounding out where I'm at on this and would love to hear from others. I fully appreciate that we are all here for a variety of reasons, through choice or otherwise and I have seen that feelings can run high so I hope I haven't inadvertantly insulted anyone! shock

JeminTheDungeon Tue 29-Sep-09 22:35:07

Loved to read your post, but it was rather like reading a stream of consciousness than an actual post...

daisy99divine Tue 29-Sep-09 23:55:39

well, I think you have covered most of what we all think from time to time about having children, not having children, having more children etc! Same feelings if you have two or twenty

If you want to mull and muse, why not come into the Tea Room - you will be very welcome indeed (I can't do links but it's called the Tea Room and its on the one child board...) grin

QueenGlorianathethird Wed 30-Sep-09 07:36:01

linserella - welcome smile

We are a one child by choice family and it's fab. I'm 1 of 4 and we're not at all close so I don't feel DD is missing out on siblings. She's just started school and we have lovely, lazy mornings having breakfast in bed before school and then have fun, relaxed afternoons running into the evening. The three of us can create a lot of chaos so it's not as though she's living in a sedate, adult-dominated household.

She has friends over to play and it's nice to have them here and nice to see them go smile.

Really looking forward to half-term with DD - we have lots planned that don't involve having to accommodate sibs with different interests (and no she's not a spoilt only who doesn't know how to compromise - quite the opposite in fact).

Enjoy your DD and, if you do decide to have more, enjoy them too!

bigfatbump Wed 30-Sep-09 09:49:23

HI there, I just found this topic yesterday too.
I think what you've said sounds similar to me, slowly coming to terms with the likelihood that our dd (6 yo) will be our only and actually seeing a lot of positives in that. I've also, by reading a lot of threads on here, come to see that many of the worries/concerns I had about what I was seeing as her 'only child traits' are probably just her character and would be there whether or not she was an only.
I'm one of 2, my brother is 4 years younger than me and we're friends but not that close (he lives abroad), so while I had periods of worry that she wouldn't have siblings as she became an adult, I'm now happy that what is, is.

linserella Wed 30-Sep-09 20:53:09

hello, indeed that WAS a stream of consciousness type ramble blush Daisy, thanks, I will come and find the tea room, I love tea Queengloriana, the life you describe sounds fab! That is very much what i would hope for DD as she grows up, and likewise can't see us being sedate here either! Bigfatbump, really nice to hear from another new one to this area! Like you I have been reading a lot of threads on here which have really helped to balance my opinions. My DD is quiet by nature, always the snatchee rather than the snatcher (iyswim), seems to live in her head a bit so yes, I've had concerns that she may be better off with siblings. This of course isn't helped by heavy hints from both sets of grandparents that she would be better off with this ... this forum is answering a lot of these concerns with real insight and well thought out arguements for only's so thanks all for that like you bfb, i'm happy that what is, is. Now, how do i get to the tea room?...

catinthehat2 Wed 30-Sep-09 21:11:22

Try this

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