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Should I be encouraging ds to have playdates anxious mom alert

(8 Posts)
adizem Mon 28-Sep-09 17:18:14

Ds is an only and I have always fretted about trying to get him peer company.
The only means I have of getting him any company is thorugh school in the way of playdates.
He does do a couple of clubs but its early days with them so at the moment the children there are just children he sees when he goes.
I have tried to encourage ds to have mates from school and he has had one or two but its always me that instigates and puts the idea in his head.
Ds seems happy enough to spend time on his own and never requests a mate to come home.
He also doesn,t seem that fussed sometimes and can get quite grumpy with me when I ask if there is anyone.
So should I just leave him to it.
Should I worry that he is never fussed about having anyone.
Being an only I don,t want him to be a loner I suppose.
He seems okay at school with mates and that.

adizem Mon 28-Sep-09 17:21:11

SHould have mentioned that ds is 8 9 in December.

QueenGlorianathethird Tue 29-Sep-09 07:34:36

Adizem - It seems to me that some of the parents of onlies tend to obsess about playdates when their kids couldn't give a chuff smile He's spending all day at school socialising and he attends a couple of clubs - that sounds enough for a boy of his age.

My DD is an only and has just started school (she's nearly 5). She's a gregarious little thing but I've noticed that, apart from ballet and swimming lessons on a couple of evenings, what she really wants to do after school is spend time with me - chilling, reading, watching TV, baking. So if your DS seems quite content then I'd leave him be and let him have some space at the end of the school day.

He's no more likely to be a loner than a child with several siblings is but he might very well be learning to relish his own company which is an advantage for anyone.

TheFoosa Tue 29-Sep-09 08:21:35

I agree with QueenGlorianathethird, parents of onlies do tend to get paranoid that their children are lonely, my dp is always on about how dd should be having friends over, she's 6!!!

she just wants to lollop in front of the telly after a hard day at school

I have several siblings and am a total loner, so it doesn't always follow

HelenMeg Tue 29-Sep-09 22:24:23

Hi - my DS is 5 coming up to 6 yrs old - and I am in the same situation as you Adizem - with same concerns.. I am fretting too. My DS also seems happy enough to come home from school and just be with us. Lately I have been saying ' who would you like to bring home after school?' I am going to stop bothering him about it for a while as he will start to feel my anxiety. He did have a friend who came back for tea a few times, his best friend at school, but now I see that his best friend is taking home another little friend - which makes me feel hurt on behalf of my son - who doesnt really care one bit..perhaps we need to relax a bit about it. Difficult I know, and I'm no good at that!

Portofino Tue 29-Sep-09 22:31:46

Are there any dcs in the neighborhood? Anyone to play with at the weekend? I'd concentrate more on this than after school. I spent many a year on my own on weekday evenings and it never bothered me, but at the weekend it was more important to see friends. That's when the boredom can set in.

adizem Thu 01-Oct-09 10:51:28

Thanks for your responses.
Yes I know that us parnets of onlies probably do get paranoid that their children are lonely.
I just can,t help it my ds seems happy enough but still I am fretting to death constantly.
It has got to the point where its on my mind all of the time and I think its making me depressed.
I am worried that ds may be picking up on my sadness about this.
Portofino ds did start to play out with some nieghbourhood children but we had alot of problems with falling out nobody calls for him now. he just hasn,t found the right friend or group of friends.
I know that there are other children in the neighbourhood I have seen them passing by occasionally but we don,t know them who they are and we don,t have children playing out the front that I can give ds a push inot going out to to join in with.
Ds also seems to lack a certain type of push to get out and find someone in the neighbourhood hanging around that he can muscle in on.
Other children in our neighbourhood just seem to be doing their own thing at home or whatever.
Helenmeg you sound alot like me I sometimes get hurt when I have been plugging away at playdates with no invites for ds.
We have invited a lad at ds's school a few times and his parents have promised a few times to let ds go to theirs but so far nothing and then I noticed them taking another classmate home with them yesterday.
I get awfully upset about it on behalf of my ds where as he can,t give two hoots.
Its feels as though there is nobody out there like us Helenmeg they all seem to have it sussed.
I have always figured that even the parnets of onlies like me must not be feeling what I am or else they would show some interest in inviting ds when I have invited their only dc.
I guess that there is someone like me in my area somewhere.
I also fret about looking desperate if I keep inviting thier dc's over.

QueenGlorianathethird Thu 01-Oct-09 19:58:47

adizem - are you mindscape?

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