only child behaviour ?

[poltesco]

hi i have an only child dh who's 20months. we go to groups 3 x a wk which she really enjoys and is very socialable with other children which is great. but when ever a child snatches something from her, she just backs away and watches. which in one way is great that she dosen't push and shove but a bit concerned that she is to placid.
just wondered if it is something that goes with being an only child ( no sibblings to have to stand up to ).

[TheFoosa]

no, it really isn't, it's probably just the way she is

[NightShoe]

No, nothing to do with being an only child, just her personality.

[MadBadandCoveredinSequins]

Pleased to meet you poltesco.

I don't think it's an only child thing, either. When we were going to toddler groups, there was a pretty even divide between snatchers and snatchees (if you see what I mean). Whether a child was a snatcher or not had nothing to do with who had siblings.

I think it's very tempting - but very often wrong - to think that everything your child does is because they are an only child. And it's possible to "explain" everything in terms of presence/absence of siblings if that's your inclination. You could say that an only child snatches toys because they've never learnt to share, a child with siblings snatches toys because that's the cut and thrust of having siblings, only children are passive because they haven't learnt to stand up to older siblings, children with siblings are passive because they're often outnumbered or out-sized. And so it goes on. It's all pretty meaningless and speculative.

Your daughter is still tiny. The longer she goes to toddler group, the more she'll learn to stick up for herself but she may just be a very calm, easy-going little girl. Mine - - would have been the one helping herself to your daughter's toys.

[MadBadandCoveredinSequins]

Not very succinct, am I?

[feedthegoat]

I'd definately say it is down to personality as my only was the exact opposite (to a worrying degree at one point!). Thankfully he has settled down now but he will still stand his ground.

[sfxmum]

interesting my dd is 4 ans acts in similar way, these days she complains to me when she gets home from school, we have talked to her about it and try to help her assert her 'right' in a nice way
I too worry it is an only child trait

sorry for hijack

[stealthsquiggle]

No - not only child behaviour - because at 20mths the oldest child in any family is generally an only, and certainly doesn't have competition for toys yet.

It's just character IMHO - you just have to resign yourself to coaching her to be a bit more assertive, whilst consoling yourself that it is no harder than coaching the natural born grabber and shover to be less assertive.

[CMOTdibbler]

I'm going for it's her personality too. My DS is an only, and at 20 months would have snatched right back. And possibly bitten the snatcher . At 3, he just dispenses some words along the lines of the need to share and take turns

[Allyinoz]

My DS is the same, he just stares with incomprehension when someone shoves him or takes something from him. Like how could you possibly push me!

Sometimes I think, go on, give him a shove back!!

Anyway at least you don't have to go round apologising to everyone. I also agree with it being part of their temperament.

[Takver]

I would bless your lucky stars, Poltesco! My dd would have either (a) run away in tears and hidden behind my legs or (b) hung on to the toy bellowing at full volume. Believe me, both are very embarrassing.
I do agree with MadBad that there is a real tendency for those of us with more 'unconventional' family shapes/sizes - whether only children, larger families, or gap-py families or whatever to blame our children's peculiarities on our family structure.
Whereas, for example, someone with the 'magic' 1-girl-1-boy combination can comfortably ascribe them to personality or their rotten/fabulous parenting

[scottishmummyofone]

Hi, my dd is 19 months now and sometimes she screams if someone takes a toy off her and sometimes she behaves like your child. don't worry, I dont think there's any 'definite' only child behaviour. Your dd sounds fine.

[tvaerialmagpiebin]

My ds was like this at your dd's age. He would say, where toy mummy? I tried to tell him that if someone took something from him he should say "No" loudly and hold onto it. now he says, "No xxx I am playing with that you can have a go later".

Combination of age and temperament. Mine is an only too. More exposure to the horrors of other people's children and she'll make progress.

[poltesco]

thanks everyone.
i think your all right that there is no stero type to an only child and sometimes it is all to easy to blame things on them being an only child!
I guess she is just a very placid little girl and i'm very thankful that she is. but i think she is going to have to toughen up ( not to much mind ) at some point.