New Baby! Help!

[TheOldVicarage]

I have a son who has just left primary school, and is about to go into Year 7. Today I found out that I am, for the second time, pregnant (which is a big shock - I am 41), and so his only child world is about to be turned upside down! I know it's a bit early to be telling him, but I want to be prepared, since it's such a massive change. When would you tell him? How would you tell him?
I need help!

[Haribosmummy]

Do you have any reason to think he'll take it badly?

My situation is slightly different... I have 2 DSDs and have ben with their dad for many years... Certainly, neither of them can remember a time their dad and I weren't together...

Neither their mum or dad had gone on to have more children, so they were the only kids who needed to be considered IYSWIM...

We (Their dad and I) had a DS last year and are due to have a DD this year (a few weeks now).

They both took the news brilliantly and were actually at the hospital with us for the birth of DS so were first to meet him.

We told them before we told anyone else (I was about 22 weeks PG - didn't have much of a bump)

They were yr 6 and yr 9 at the time.

For us, waiting until we knew everything was OK was important (but I didn't know about the PG until relatively late on anyway) and making sure they were first to be told (apart from their mum, but that's not an issue for you! ) and making sure they felt part of the whole thing (helped choose names etc)

We told them about DS on holiday - and I'm glad it was just us, without interuptions / friends / appts etc., Meant we could talk properly. We told them about DD over dinner... The second one isn't such a big deal, is it??

Hope that's of some help.

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Haribo's suggestions sound good to me. Most of the people who spend time on this topic, though, are (through choice or circumstances) unlikely ever to be in the position of having to tell their only child that their only days are over and a sibling's on his or her way. You might get more replies if you post in another topic.

Good luck!

[daisy99divine]

Hi OldVicarage
Congratulations! (I assume that you are happy - if a little stunned!)

I agree with Haribo that I would want to wait until you knew (as far as you can tell) that all will be well....
I wouldn't worry about DS "noticing" I have a friend who for her own bonkers reasons never tells her children she is pregnant - just presents the new baby - and they seem to take mummy's humungus tummy in their stride.... so I think you can afford to wait and still have plenty of time to prepare iyswim

I would agree that taking time and doing it slowly and quietly might be best....
good luck!
let us know what you decide

[TheOldVicarage]

Thanks everybody!
Haribo, I have no reason to assume he'll take it badly, but it's a really big thing, and it's not like he's expecting it - we've told him before that he wouldn't be getting a brother/sister (when he's asked), and so he'll be really shocked.
Sorry for posting on here - I didn't mean to upset anybody, I just couldn't think of anywehere else to post - where should I post it, do you think?
I think that I'll wait until I've got scan photos, and I'm beginning to get a noticeable bump, and then sit him down and talk to him about it (maybe we'll book a quiet weekend away somewhere, so that we can make a proper go of it - I like that idea!). . .
Thanks for all your help, and anymore ideas much appreciated!

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

Oldvicarage - I'm sorry if my post came across as "get off moi topic", that wasn't what I intended at all. I'm not upset - it's just that the people who hang around in One child families are probably (speaking only for myself here) the least likely to have been in your situation or to have any advice to offer. I'm guessing that's why you haven't had many replies.

Have you tried posting in chat or pregnancy?

All the best

[TheOldVicarage]

That's OK, MadBad, I wasn't angry !
I will post in pregnancy!
Thanks for all the advice!
x

[mumblecrumble]

ooooh, maybe if he has asked about brother or sister he'd quite fancy one!

My only experience is in teaching 12/13 year olds and often they have new siblings, somtimes for the first time. I've never known them other than thrilled - bit nervous, but always excited! Often they seem to bond more with Mum as the family are going through something together.

HOW EXCITING for you!!! We often wondered about an big age gap. Have spoken to others and though ther has been change and re setling they always seem really happy.

I would suggest you tell him and get him as involved as he wants to be. Make it his baby too if that makes sense.