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Shy mom has hated life with only

(6 Posts)
adizem Sun 05-Jul-09 18:59:59

My problem is that I am so shy that it has marred my whole life and because of it I have never developed a social life for my ds.
He is 8 and an only, and although I know it has affected my social life I have no friends it is my ds that I worry about having a mother like me.
I am petrified of taking him to clubs where I will have meet new people myself and I have hated doing everything by myself.
I do have a partner but no mom friends and I have never had a mate with children of ds's age to do any child activites with.
It has always been just me and my ds. My dp does things to a certain extent but there is an awful lot that I could do with getting my ds involved in but I freeze with fear at the thought of having to take him.
I have alot of hang ups also about ds being an only as I think that it wouldn,t have mattered so much if ds had of had a sibling to do stuff with.
I have nobody to ring up in school holidays to get together with and things are really getting me down.
Please can anyone relate to me or am I the only one who feels this way.
I feel so bad I wish I was an outgoing mom who could get stuck in there with ds.
I even hate the school gates as although I would love to chat away to everyone I can never think of a word to say so I get there at the last minuite to avoid the agony of looking a loner.
Its an awful feeling to think that ds could turn out like me and that he is probably missing out because of me.

piscesmoon Sun 05-Jul-09 19:18:46

Does he have a problem going to things by himself? The advice would differ depending on whether it is just you or whether it is both of you.

adizem Sun 05-Jul-09 20:09:46

He can hold back a little but generally once he has been he is fine.
I think its more me and I worry that my ds will pick up on it.

MadBadandDangerousToKnow Sun 05-Jul-09 20:55:02

I am sorry to hear you are feeling so down.

Are there any after school activities - Cubs, football, swimming, whatever - which his school friends go to? Could he tag along with them? I know it might seem daunting, but it would probably be easier to go to an activity with another mum and child than just the two of you. I know too that striking up a conversation at the school gate is daunting, but asking "can you give me the details of the swimming club, etc" at least gives you an opening gambit.

You've obviously got your son's best interests at heart, so please don't be hard on yourself. Good luck.

piscesmoon Sun 05-Jul-09 21:10:01

I always recommend cubs, having been a Beaver leader. It is a great way to make friends. It would only be like dropping him off at school. Alternatively you might like to get involved,they always want an extra pair of hands and you don't have to be a uniformed helper.
There are lots of holiday play schemes where you could drop him off. If you just go to the park in the holidays you would probably find that he might pal up with other DCs while you could read a book.
Have you tried just letting him invite a friend home for tea? When mine were 8yrs they made their own friends and so I didn't know the parents before we invited them.
I think that you should try and make some friends just for you. There are plenty of people like you who find it difficult. The best way is to volunteer, it is so much easier if you are busy doing something rather than making small talk.

DontCallMeBaby Wed 08-Jul-09 08:02:38

8 seems to be the cut-off with a lot of activities for leaving a child there rather than hanging around yourself, so you should be able to find things that he can do that require nothing more from you but dropping him off.

That said, your shyness isn't just affecting him, it's affecting you. Have you thought about looking into therapy, counselling etc? I have a friend with quite significant social anxiety who's signed up for some counselling - I won't lie, she is DREADING it, but she also dreads ending up like her mum, with no life outside the home.

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