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Pros and no so pros of having another one

(5 Posts)
choufleur Fri 12-Jun-09 21:14:49

I'm torn. I always thought I only ever wanted one child. We have a beautiful 3 year old DS. Last Christmas I got pregnant unexpected (I had a coil fitted) and then had a miscarriage. I'm now torn whether I want another one. the practical side of me says 'no', we can't afford it, it's only a few months til our childcare fees practically cut in half, my mum wouldn't be able to help out as much as she did when DS was born (medical reasons, can't really afford to go on maternity leave without running up immense credit card debts blah blah. the other side of me would quite like another baby.

so tell me should i go with my heart or my head?

Anngeree Fri 12-Jun-09 22:20:32

Don't think anyone can make that decision for you. What you have to consider is if you choose to follow your head will you regret it in years to come & be wondering "What if?"

What does your partner think? I think your the only people who can make this decision.

I hope whatever your decision it's the right one for both of you!

ljhooray Sat 13-Jun-09 13:55:40

AGree with Anngeree. I just know that right now, I don't have any pull at all to have another and thoroughly enjoy the dynamic of the family. However, it sounds like you do want a child but the practicalities are stopping you. Only thing I would say is if having children was based on the practical things, not sure anyone would ever do it!!

Do you want another baby or another child (family of 4)? I only ask because as lovely as I find little babies (and loved being pregnant), I prefer to give my all to dd. That's not to say she is indulged or spoilt but its the realities of working for yourself, dh working, only mil for extra or babysitting (who's health isn't great).

However, never say never but I know the reality of another child is not for me right now.

choufleur Sat 13-Jun-09 18:53:10

Oh i don't really want someone t omake the decision for me - just looking for others' thoughts really.

Actually i don't really want another baby (i think they are quite boring and would really like it if i could have, say, an 18mo straight - i don't fancy a 27month pregnancy though wink)

DH is a bit ambivalent like me. time will tell i suppose

Zahora Mon 13-Jul-09 14:19:29

My ds is 2.7 years old. I come from a large family myself and enjoyed having brothers and sisters around. I feel that my ds will miss out on having a wonderful but chaotic family around him. But I just cannot imagine myself coping with the squabbles and grief also that comes with having more family and very little space. I am torn also whether to have another one. I don't think I can be like my mum. I want to go back to work. I want my life back and that seems more of a reality with one child. But I am already imagining everything that he will be missing out on. I loved my childhood and my brothers and sisters were sometimes the main reason. I feel sorry for my ds. My dh has left it up to me. he'd love more...but my god, it's been the worst 2.7 years of my life. The isolation and the daily clinging misery. I have not enjoyed having a child. I don't have pnd but can appreciate that the quality of my life was far better than it is now. I am not sure I have helped. I probably haven't.But I just want to say it loud now.

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