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Please see your only child as a blessing

(45 Posts)
Fizzfiend Wed 12-Nov-08 22:52:54

I have just been reading this topic for the first time and am a bit concerned that it seems most people are unhappy with their only child status. For a long time I felt the same way, but it was not to be...IVF failed a number of times and I just gave up the ghost after a while. For a long time I felt somehow inferior to my friends with more than one child...combined with guilt for not providing a sibling for dd, that was not a good place to be.

Now, however, I really can appreciate how brilliant an only child can be. DD and I are so incredibly close. We do loads of things together and sometimes break down in giggles together at some stupid thing or other. Her schoolfriends mostly tell her how lucky she is not to have an annoying brother/sister. We don't get any sibling rivalry/arguments and can go out for dinner pretty much anywhere. Trips away can be organised pretty easily, as can babysitters as people like hanging out with dd (who is nearly 9).

My sister and I are fostering the relationship between our only daughters so that one day hopefully they will have the familial support they might have got from siblings. Remember siblings DO NOT automatically get on because they are siblings. I know many people who have nothing to do with their brothers and sisters because they really do not like them.

One is not ideal..I am the first to admit that I would have liked another, but it was not to be so I thank mylucky stars that I was given this gorgeous, funny girl.

For anyone that is struggling with the only child, try and remember this. Plus: only children are the new black! I know at least 5 other onlys and they are increaing at a rate so it is not so unusual anymore.

BoccaDellaVerita Wed 12-Nov-08 22:57:44

Fizz - Thank you for sharing your experiences. I agree completely. Having one child may not be ideal if your first hope was to have more (as mine was) but it does bring its own benefits. My child is very definitely a blessing and, as someone else said today, my cup runneth over.

Come and join us in the one child family tea room - we never close!

PhantomOfTheChocolateCakeAvena Wed 12-Nov-08 22:59:12

I'm happy to have only one child. I can't afford any more and I hated being pregnant.

Fizzfiend Wed 12-Nov-08 23:01:21

Thanks for the invite BDV: have my glass of vino right now, but will join you some other time.

Phantom: love your honesty. I quite liked being pregnant, but love being back to normal!

BoccaDellaVerita Wed 12-Nov-08 23:03:46

I had very mixed feelings about being pregnant: overjoyed to be pregnant but off the scale of terror in case anything went wrong.

GrimmaTheNome Wed 12-Nov-08 23:05:04

I'm very happy with my one. What you glean from MN posts is not necessarily representative of everyone's mood - people tend to post more if they've got ishoos, don't they?

BoccaDellaVerita Wed 12-Nov-08 23:07:32

Probably yes. There was a 'celebrating onlies' thread where lots of happy mums-of-one posted, but it all got a bit heated so only look if you're brave.

PhantomOfTheChocolateCakeAvena Wed 12-Nov-08 23:09:00

Not necessarily Grimma. Sometimes people just get annoyed with things and the smallest of other things can set it all off IYKWIM.

Everyone looses their sense of humour sometimes.

teafortwo Thu 13-Nov-08 09:06:53

fizzfiend- What a lovely little thread... Thank you for making me smile! smile

jesuswhatnext Thu 13-Nov-08 15:14:46

FIZZ, i feel just like you, i would have liked another, but, well, it's certainly not the end of the world to 'just' have the one - i could'nt love her more if i tried.

as my dd is getting older i find we have a super relationship, (although i will always demand mum status, not 'friend')

i also enjoy the fact that i can give loads of time to my extended family, all my nephews and nieces seem to love spending time with us (their parents know they only have to say the word and i can usually have them to stay) grin

daisy99divine Thu 13-Nov-08 16:10:11

Fizz
don't worry, I think you will find lots and lots of us consider one child a blessing - all children are blessings grin
the fact that many of us would or might have liked more than one, doesn't mean we are insensible to the joys that we do have grin

I wouldn't swop my DS for the world and am often shock at the idea he might have been twins!! grin

wonderpetsmum Sun 16-Nov-08 15:52:05

HI there to you all
I am an only and my Dd is an only too, she was born 12 weeks early after a really horrid pregnancy.
She is perfect in every way and i count my blessings.
I couldnt and have been told i shouldnt do it again.

i always feek very lucky that she is mine x

Lazycow Sun 16-Nov-08 20:55:40

Well I agree with the OP in alot of ways but the truth is that for some of us our only child invokes a real sadness. My ds had no cousins his own age (The smallest gap is 12 years). His paternal extended family all live a flight away and are all teenage age or older anyway

On my side he has grandparents in their 80's, a childless aunt and uncle in their 50's and two much older cousins in another country. I don't have the option of inviting cousins over or visiting them to foster extended family relationships.

Our home seems very quiet sometimes and I personally would love more children type noise in it more often, There is only so much "borrowing" of other children you can do, especially when your family pool of them is non-existent.

Chopchopmissy Sun 16-Nov-08 21:03:03

Thanks for that Fizz was only going over the guilt of no siblings in my head again tonight. I get paranoid about this and think I am setting my DS up for a crap life when older. Although I never got on with my sister as a child we are close now and he will not have that. I though could not cope with another child. Am not really that maternal although I love him to pieces and wouldnt be without him. Thank you for reminding me that ONE is actually a good number just like 2, 3 and 4 are.

choufleur Fri 21-Nov-08 19:58:30

totally agree. some people try for a long time and are no lucky enough to be blessed with one. After a difficult time getting pregnant i count myself lucky that i have my wonderful DS (even if he won't go to sleep at the moment wink).

i actually have never wanted more than one so i know i'm lucky and happy with that.

soosy Fri 21-Nov-08 20:06:08

I am with daisy, I feel so lucky to have DS after years of ivf, and although more would have been the cherry on the icing on the cake I am more than ecstatic to have iced cake!

Daisy15 Sat 06-Dec-08 10:16:08

I do feel blessed to have one child. Although i have never attempted to have another, well DD is only 4 months.

I made a decision before she was born not to have anymore, and to be completely honest i didn't want any children at all. But although i didn't plan DD i love her to peices and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I find alot of people claim this but before she was born i just didn't have a purpose. I was just living but now i'm a mum and proudly of one.

trixiethepixie Sat 06-Dec-08 14:02:32

Yes definately. I had a horrible preg and my ds was born prem and very small and spent the first month of his life in hospital.

I feel truly blessed for both me and him to be here. Before I had him I'd always thought I'd have at least two children, but I just couldn't risk the same thing to happen again, and maybe next time the outcome might not be so good. So I'm saving us the heartache and sticking at the one. The onus is now on my bro and sis to provide more gc wink

I do get a little bit broody at times but just think back to the sleepless nights, mastitus, colic and think never again.

anniemac Mon 08-Dec-08 10:41:35

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reindeersnake Mon 08-Dec-08 22:36:33

From what I hear it gets better as they get older. I'm sure it is easier when friends have finished their families and we can all move on.

I feel devastated, too, at times, but then ask myself whether I really want another person in our lives, or just the excitement/anticipation/fuss and specialness of being pregnant. That is great, but soon over. And when we go to bed at night and can all cuddle together, I think. I don't want to move dd onward and upward and stop all this because there's another one ...

Try the One and Only Tea Room - champagne and twiglets at this time of night.

imaginaryfriend Mon 08-Dec-08 22:53:41

Well considering I was told I would never have any, one is a total miracle to me. It's actually never entered my head that I'd defy the odds to have another so I've never felt sad about it. Occasionally I feel sorry for dd but whenever I ask her if she'd have liked a little brother or sister she adamantly says 'no way!'

reindeersnake Tue 09-Dec-08 08:49:20

Was thinking - it's human nature to get what you have been longing for and immediately want more. You get your dream job and feel disgruntled soon because you haven't been promoted; buy an ideal country cottage and then decide it would be so much better with a paddock/stream running through the garden/moat and tower ... That doesn't mean we have to allow this to make us miserable if we don't want it to. We should be able to make a conscious decision to be very happy with what we have got, because it is rather wonderful really. What could be more wonderful than a child - a new perfect humam being who has chosen to spend their life with you?

So let's all go and search out our fascinators, pop on our Mary Janes, bundle up our beautiful, intelligent, witty children and go out and enjoy ourselves. We could even drop into the tea room and check out Mellors.

anniemac Tue 09-Dec-08 09:46:10

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anniemac Tue 09-Dec-08 09:51:10

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mistlethrush Tue 09-Dec-08 10:10:45

We certainly don't share a bed. Ds decided he'd like to come and share at 6.15 this morning (and promised he wouldn't wriggle) - cue lots of wriggling, 'that's your elbow, that's your leg, that's your nose, that's daddy's head'... grin

And yes, I had a crap time before he arrived, so its just wonderful that I've got my own wonderful ds at all, and counting blessings is definitely something we should all do.

(but I do get envy when I hear that friends with 2 are now managing to get other things done some of the time rather than being the one playing the bames, helping with the jigsaws or building towers - which is lovely most of the time, but when you're busy....)

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