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Did anyone choose to have just one child due to their temprament ??

(38 Posts)
mummyloveslucy Wed 12-Nov-08 12:11:47

Hi, I just wondered what peoples reasons are for choosing it have an only child?
Do more people think that the first child is so good and another one might not be so good (like me) or do more people who have quite demanding children think there's no way I could cope with another?

It's just that when people used to say to me, do you think you'll have another and I'd say probubly not, they'd often say oh she's put you off etc. I often replied that she is so lovely and has made our lives complete who could want more than that?. (If I knew them) grin

mummyloveslucy Wed 12-Nov-08 12:13:14

choosing to have an only I mean. blush

MrsMattie Wed 12-Nov-08 12:15:07

Interesting question. Having a very boisterous, highly strung child didn't put me off having a second child, but it did delay my plans somewhat. I had wanted a small gap between children initially, but have waited nearly 4 years to have a second because frankly, I couldn't have coped with DS as a toddler and another baby. I would have had a nervous breakdown, and I mean that. Even now I break out into a sweat at the thought of double buggies and two lots of nappies to change. I take my hat off to those who do it!

Blunt Wed 12-Nov-08 12:15:46

Message deleted

marlasinger Wed 12-Nov-08 12:20:43

My DS is very demanding and hard work - I mean I know all babies are hard work but things like sleep, time alone as a couple, we just have not had any of that in a year.

Like MrsMattie we initially wanted two quite close together but this is definitely on the back burner for now, if not for ever.

We idly discuss a second but do feel somewhat complete and are very scared of the chaos it would bring, what if our relationship broke down? It nearly did with DS but we've come through stronger and it feels like too big a risk to take.

mummyloveslucy Wed 12-Nov-08 12:26:11

before I had my daughter, I always imagined myself having two children. (a boy and a girl, as you do!)
When my daughter came along though, she is just such a charactor and she has just enriched our lives so much. She has the whole package. smile
I now can't really imagine having another one and worry that the baby would have a lot to live up to. I also can't emagine her being an only child forever.
It's strange, but I'd almost feel guilty for loving another baby as much as her, as I think she'd be heart broken.

marlasinger Wed 12-Nov-08 12:31:10

Yes I feel some of that too - DS is so amazing and full of character, he is funny and bright and clever and we are, as is natural I suppose, amazed by everything he does, every milestone and new skill is just wonderful. He has us in fits of giggles and is the centre of our lives, he makes us a family and after a massive massive struggle we are finally settling into things.

How could we find enough love to do a second baby justice?

I bet this is normal too though.

mummyloveslucy Wed 12-Nov-08 12:31:47

marlasinger- I also worry about the effect on the familly, as right now things are great. We are such a happy family, and the balance is just right. I worry that if I was tired and irritable, it'd have a bad effect on everyone. I could also have a very demanding child next.
I'd feel frustrated by not being able to work and earn my own money too.

goingslowlyroundthebend Wed 12-Nov-08 12:37:27

i have just been having this conversation! Our DS is 6 and while the feeling of should we/shouldn't we comes and goes, we both agree DS is so highly strung, could we cope with doing it all again. Although from what I see of friends children, the next one seems to be the polar opposite of the first so perhaps we shouldn't worry. They would both seem like only children due to the age gap. I would also be very frustrated by the effect it would have on my business which is just starting to take off and having a baby would knock me sideways, but the nagging doubt never goes away and a part of me is terrified of not having another and then regretting it for ever.

mummyloveslucy Wed 12-Nov-08 12:38:41

I'm sure we would love another one as much, but then I'd worry about the effect that would have on our daughter.
I'm sure most mums have had these feelings before.
I had fertillity treatment to concieve her aswell, and had seveere sickness for 5 months. I was being sick every 20 mins, even through the night. envy ( that's not ment to be envy, I just wanted a green face). grin
I don't think I could face that again. I thought I was going to die.

Lauriefairycake Wed 12-Nov-08 12:39:43

I would not want more than one child.

I have none of my own and only one foster child.

That is the perfect amount wink Anymore and there would be no space in my head.

marlasinger Wed 12-Nov-08 12:41:41

Still sounding familiar here! We juggle things well with just DS, and the money thing - yes, very important to me, I have gone back to work for 3.5 days and though I don't love it, I do love the money, but childcare for two would mean it would not be worth it.

I know a couple of people with big age gaps - 7/8 years and while they said going back to nappies and milk was hard, they were more patient by the time the second one came, the older child was able to understand and help a bit and overall it was much easier - so it is never too late.

I wanted the whole baby thing done by 30 though and I am 28 now.

Que sera sera.

marlasinger Wed 12-Nov-08 12:42:29

Oh and I had SPD and have heard it's often worse second time around. Gulp!

I won't mention the pregnancy weight gain!

Clayhead Wed 12-Nov-08 12:43:10

Interestingly, we had a very demanding baby and that made us go for number two more quickly! I felt that, if I didn't do it soon, I may never do it at all.

My demanding baby grew into a far less demanding toddler and I now have 2 dc, aged 5 and 6. Having had a very busy 2 or 3 years I am now at the stage where they are both in school. smile

Interesting how differently people see things!!

mummyloveslucy Wed 12-Nov-08 12:46:26

Yes, you do find that they are usually complete opposites.
Every set of siblings I can think of, the first born is the sensible, hard working polite one and the second is a bit of a handfull.
If I could imagine the oppesite to my daughter the child would be:

* rough and boystrous
* inconciderate
* un loving/ caring
* shy
* and un enthusiastic.

This dosn't sound good. grin The child may have perfect speech though. hmm

scrappydappydoo Wed 12-Nov-08 13:01:22

Can I just say - my PIL always planned on having 3 kids but SIL was such a demanding baby they stopped - fine their decision BUT they told SIL and held it over her which in my opinion led to her having all sorts of self confidence issues. Not saying having one child wrong just saying think and don't make PILs mistake..

mummyloveslucy Wed 12-Nov-08 13:06:16

That's awfull, bless her. sad

I definatly wouldn't tell my daughter that our decission was anything to do with her.

happywomble Wed 12-Nov-08 13:07:07

I put off having a second as struggled with DS when he was little. Everything has been so much easier with my second, but DS is also now easier too. Things feel so much more balanced with two and they entertain each other. DS used to be so demanding as an only child but I find things much easier and more enjoyable now.

I personally think it is nice for ones children to have a sibling, and it is not always twice the work for the parent (wasn't for me anyway). I realise that some people can't have more than one child and only children obviously benefit in many ways - having more attention from their parents and hopefully make very good friends with neighbours children or whatever so that they still have playmates but not ones they are related to.

If you have a DD who is really good she will still be just as lovely with a sibling and will probably help you to look after the baby if you have another.

mummyloveslucy Wed 12-Nov-08 13:12:46

I do think she would make a fantastic sister given the chance, and when she's edjusted to the situation. wink She is so loving and really thoughtfull. I can imagine her helping me and being a little mummy.
The younger child would have a fantastic role model.

paddingtonbear1 Wed 12-Nov-08 13:14:38

we only have 1 dd, but our reasons have nothing to do with her temperament which so far is fine. We didn't go for it again before due to mainly financial reasons, and now I'm getting older I maybe think the time has passed - not sure I can face pregnancy/birth/baby stage again. That's assuming I could have no 2 - you never know...

mummyloveslucy Wed 12-Nov-08 13:18:18

I'm going to have to go now, as my daughter is due home any minute.
It's been lovely chatting to you all and hearing your different stories. It's nice to have a thread on the "Only child" topic that has been friendly. grin
I wish you all the best with what ever decisions you make. xx smile

Lasvegas Wed 12-Nov-08 17:30:00

I made the decission to have one before I even conceived. That said I did really really want a girl, which I was blessed with. If I had a boy maybe I would have gone on to try for a girl.

DD is pretty much perfection so she didn't put me off others.

mummyloveslucy Wed 12-Nov-08 17:58:32

That's the same as me. smile
I told my husband that if we had a girl first time, then I wouldn't mind at all if we couldn't have another one, but if it was a boy, then I'd be more determined to try again for a girl. ( that probubly sounds awfull especially as we were having treatment. blush
I have 2 little sisters, so I'm used to girls. smile

DontCallMeBaby Wed 12-Nov-08 19:10:33

I have one child partly due to MY temperament ... wink Am not awfully good with babies or small children. Actually I don't think I'm very good with children. Or people, really. Should've had a dog.

DD's temperament on the other hand ... she wasn't the easiest of babies, didn't nap unless pushchaired or driven to oblivion, and woke as soon as we stopped. Very very tiring. Wasn't really content until she got mobile, but didn't bother getting mobile until she was 14mo. So I would rather fear getting another one the same. On the other hand, she had some seriously redeeming features - for instance, while she didn't sleep through at a nice early age like some, at least she almost always had a feed and went straight back down, no pacing the floor or endless rocking round here. So on top of worrying I might get a DD-clone, I would worry about getting her bad traits without the good ones. On the OTHER other hand, she's actually been pretty easy since 2yo, but I still find her hard work. So I figure I'd be a nightmare with a more difficult toddler.

If I ever get even near to being tempted, I remember she was conceived on Clomid, and so there would be a higher than normal chance of #2 actually turning out to be #2 AND #3 - then I have to go and lie down in a darkened room.

mummyloveslucy Wed 12-Nov-08 20:37:29

My daughter was also concieved on Clomid. The thought of twins as well as Lucy would be scary. grin

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