Groundless fears about having an only child?(3 Posts)
This is inspired by another thread, where the mother of a slightly older only child (age 10 if I remember correctly) remarked that many of her fears about having an only had never materialised.
So if you've got an 'older only' (however you want to define older) - which of your fears didn't materialise? Am I - and maybe some others here - fretting needlessly?
Well, I never had any particular fears, but things have crossed my mind occasionally, and then been laid to rest. Some examples (oh, and DS is only 7, so not older, really!)
1. No siblings. Brought up by all and sundry and many complete strangers. There hav been times when he has said he would like a brother or sister, he felt a bit wistful about when he was around 3 or 4, I think. But he has now decided that he is VERY happy having friends and cousins, and views small sisters and brothers as a bit pesky. I am working hard to counter this view as it seems uncharitable, but many of his friends are eldest children and enjoy coming to play at ours because of the lack of little sisters and brothers running off with the crucial piece of bionicle. he does, nevertheless, 'play noicely'with the little ones at other people's houses.
2. Boredom. Not often, no. I am aware that he often does his activities in the kitchen rather than in a bedroom or living room as he might do with siblings. I have always been pro-active in hosting children to play, and accepting invitations. It's worked well that we live in close proximity of a schoolwith a smallcatchment - so many friends are on the doorstep.
3. Holidays. Have often been visits to famly, anyway. And activity-orientated. (modestly - fossil-hunting in Lyme Regis). Now he is older we would offer the opportunity to go in a club of some kind. Camping - very social.
4. What when we die....don't know. I plan to leave everything very organised. And my parenting is geared towards enabling him to be confident and self-sufficient in many ways. And have a really fab loving wife (or other life partner) who will support him through the rough times. i.e dumping the whole thing on my DIL
my dd is now 16 - for the record i would have prefered to have 2 children, was not to be so, hey ho, anyways, looking back i'm glad
we always took holidays with another family
we have always encouraged her friends to stay and often let the house look like a dr. banardos home . (im now quite used to tripping over size 10 trainers in the hall, how do these kids get to be so big?)
we really tried not to spoil her materially, although she hasn't really been aquisitive thankfully.
we have always spent a lot of time with family, she has lovely relationships with gps, cousins etc.
one thing i do regret though is that i have allowed her to get away with doing chores, she is a minky fecker generally, in a way that ime children of larger families are not allowed to get away with, what i mean is, i'm sure mums are stricter about chores when there are 2or more of the grotty little buggers in the house
i have also felt it quite difficult to let her have the freedom she needs, luckily, my dh does not see murdering rapists round every corner and curbs my more wild worries.
i also promise NEVER to pressure her about spending christmas with us, reading some of the comments on here makes me feel quite sad, kids of any age are under no obligation to spend every bloody christmas with 2 boring old farts who fall asleep by 2.30 pm.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Get started »
Please login first.