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The mystery of the lost shoes and trousers and other having one child true stories!

(62 Posts)
teafortwo Fri 31-Oct-08 18:19:59

On another thread a few of us got chatting about bringing up one child, and because we don’t know that many people who also have just one child, in rl, we thought it would be fun to set up joint diaries of what it is like to bring up one! Share our funny stories, worries, delights, over-sentimental navel-gazing and offer some support in our only child decision or circumstance!

In case you are wondering - The title of the thread is inspired by these sentences uttered by daisy99malign grin! …

“DH and DS had day together today and had a wonderful time - they lost shoes and trousers (some of each) and got wet and muddy and had a Top Boy Day.”

Then later…

“DH lost shoes and DS lost trousers
something to do with washing the car - but I don't really want to know!”

grin grin grin

What do you think??? Shall we give it a go???

Jacksmama Fri 31-Oct-08 18:26:39

Yes let's, make sure daisy finds it because I want to know when and where the trousers were found.
So to start things off with a question, what do you do with your DC when you need to shower and he/ she is not napping and cannot be left unsupervised because too young? (DS is 8 1/2 months old... see pictures on profile (shamelessly bragging and glorying).
I take him in the bathroom with me, close the door and throw things on the floor that he can play with (hairbrush, tightly closed containers he can rattle). Anyone else?

teafortwo Fri 31-Oct-08 19:22:24

Jacksmama - how I have a shower has completely evolved...

When dd was first born she slept a lot so I just got up, breakfasted me, breastfed her, bathed her and then showered while she slept on her lambs fleece in her bread sellers basketgrin!

Then we bought a cot... but we couldn't bring ourselves to put her in it so she sleep in our bed.

However, the cot started to be quite useful because she had started to not sleep in the morning so I bathed her, massaged her then popped her in her cot with a selection of different toys each day and themed music (over-enthusiastic new Mumgrin) and had my shower then.

One day, when she was two, she climbed out of the cot shock! So the next day I said "I am going to have a shower now. What do you want to do?" I helped her choose a toy and told her "Now if you want me I am in here." She seemed to understand and all is zen!!! So far...

Hope this is of help???

Jacksmama Fri 31-Oct-08 21:10:33

Had to laugh at you T4 buying a cot but not being able to bring yourself to put DD in it... ditto me and DH!!! DS still sleeps with us. When he was born his crib looked so big and he was so small!

It is pissing down rain here. Trick or treaters will get soaked tonight. Pooo.

I just did an enormous grocery shop and wanted to buy sliced turkey at the butcher's counter in my local supermarket. Came home and was tempted to post on the AIBU? thread: am I being unreasonable to think that, while I love the fact that all the grocery store clerks dressed up for Hallowe'en, I was not impressed that they chose to put the person dressed as a very decayed abd revolting-looking mummy at the deli counter... ewwwww... perhaps she ought to have been in the personal care aisle or somewhere else... she made lloking at luncheon meats a bit, errr, well.... IYSWIM?

teafortwo Fri 31-Oct-08 23:27:25

Oh lovely to meet a fellow co-sleeper. Have you read "Three in a bed" www.amazon.co.uk/Three-Bed-Benefits-Sleeping-Your/dp/0747565759/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=12254 95114&sr=8-1

It is very good!

After a good hour of dd crying - The big event of our evening was... administrating cold medicines... the French way blush (I live on the outskirts of Paris, incase you didn't know). Half an hour later dd fell asleep... exhausted from crying or the suppository really had worked? I suppose I will never know!!! hmm

Good night!!! I look forward to reading and writing more posts here!

Jacksmama Sat 01-Nov-08 02:03:19

Oh dear - I'm sure she didn't like that!! DS has had a needy day... cried whenever he was set down or when I left the room... I have a nice cold bottle of Sauvignon Blanc in the fridge that is calling my name...
Thank you for the book link, it looks great, I will see if I can find it in the library or just order it.
Bonne nuit!!! BTW, do they do Halloween in France?? An hour ago we had a boy in a very scary mask come to the door and when I answered it with Jack in my arm, he started WAILING!!!!!! OH NO!!!!

teafortwo Sat 01-Nov-08 11:18:04

grin at your scary boy!!!

Well, the French don't celebrate anything around this time of year, so to fill the space they tip their hats to Halloween with a party or two - but no... Halloween is not really properly celebrated and I have never seen trick or treating where I live.

I miss England at this time of year because I love Guy Faulkes night! I can't really talk about it with people here, because if you haven't grown up with it, it sounds very wild and a bit scary! - The one time I did mention it the conversation went....

Me: So all the children make a man. We pretend he is Guy Faulkes. We give them a penny for making it then we put him on a big bonfire- and watch him burn"!

(French friends look confused)

One of the friends: Oh yes! She is right - I was in Brighton in the 80s they also burnt a massive model of Margaret Thatcher - who was their prime minister at the time! Can you imgine that??? Yeah - the English are really really crazy!!!"

We are having another lazy morning to give dd as much recovery time as needed ready for the flight on Monday....!

Jacksmama Sat 01-Nov-08 15:52:13

LOL - at burning Maggie T!!

We packed it in after a few more T&Ters showed up and Jack wailed every time... went to the downstairs lounge and watched "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull". Not remotely scary and lo went to sleep on my lap.
I am now going to post a new thread called "What do you love about co-sleeping?"
Let's see what we get!

teafortwo Sat 01-Nov-08 20:34:28

So today's diary entry...

We got up late then fell into the couscous restaurant couscous opposite our place.

DH and I have been going to the restaurant since before we were dating so we know the people well, and they know us too! They boast that dd is their youngest old customer and that "she has been eating here since before she was born". We ate our couscous and drew snakes over the the paper table cloth before saying "a bientot" and popping to the supermarket to buy this and that.

We took our time. DD took a childrens trolley and investigated all the newly stocked toys in preperation for Christmas.

Back at the apartment I tipped dds nature box onto a playmat for her and we talked about the leaves, shells, cones, small stone cut into the shape of a dog and conkers. She tried eating an acorn but realised by my face it was probably not a good idea!

Making a den for the dog out of leaves and stacked up shells gave me an idea - why don't we make a dd sized den. So the rest of the afternoon was spent eating jam sandwiches and drinking water poured out of a tiny red and white metal teapot into tiny red and white metal cups under the table lounging, like Ottoman emperors on piles of cushions and admiring all the drapes balancing on chairs and falling from the table around us.

Well... that is until the phone rang and I fell into a long exciting conversation with my SIL while dd amused herself by eating a glitter pen???!!!??? [confused emotion]

So... everyone reading...How was your day???

teafortwo Sat 01-Nov-08 20:38:51

eeeeeeeeeeermmmmmmmm blush

Obviously I meant....

"We got up late then fell into the couscous restaurant opposite our place."

sorry - I am rushing because I have stuff to do!!! blush Note to self don't post when you have no time to post... but if everyone did that mn wouldn't exist!!! grin

teafortwo Sat 01-Nov-08 20:40:08

Good co-sleeping thread by the way - must dash!!!! Lots to doooooooooooooogrin!!!!

lottien Sun 02-Nov-08 00:03:38

Hi Jacksmama (and teafortwo) I'm afraid that that bottle of Sauvignon in the fridge had my name on it so I've just finished most of it (it was nice!). I needed it. DD's best friend (also an only) has been staying for three days followed by DD's BF's parents for lunch today when they collected her. Mostly it was blissful but the backlash comes tomorrow when she wakes up alone and starts the I-want-a friend-to—play—with mantra and there's still four days before school goes back (we're in France too). Tips required on surviving half term when in a new town and you've only got two of her mates' phone numbers...

Jacksmama Sun 02-Nov-08 02:12:22

So THAT'S where that wine bottle went - lottien drank it and didn't even offer us any!! Bet she ate all the left-over Hallowe'en candy, too!! [hwink]
Hey T4 do you realize that so far we have this thread to ourselves??? Until lottien joined us, anyway... hi lottien!! I'd offer you some of the Rosemont Semillion Chardonnay I'm currently having (since you drank my bottle of SB) but you clearly don't live anywhere near me... [hsad]
I realise I'm rambling but I think we're about to lose the Hallowe'en smileys, aren't we? Too bad, they're so cute. Does mumsnet do Christmas smileys?
Diary of my day: by prior agreement my wonderful husband had charge of DS today so I could have some much-needed me-time after I worked for a couple of hours this morning (it's been a really busy week and I was feeling a bit burnt out). So after work I went to a couple of shops and returned some things and then bought myself a new scarf and gloves to go with my new fall jacket (present from DH who bought it for me in Seattle). Seriously, everyman and his dog were out shopping today - the crowds!!!!! Aaaarrrggghhh!!! AND (outraged emoticon) someone mentioned the C-word!!! Oh you --- go on, I know what you wre thinking, I but I meant CHRISTMAS!!! "It's only seven and a half weeks away, we have to get going on our shopping!!" Me thinking, "f*-- off, I can wait!!"... anyway, after that I went home and had a lovely nap on the couch until my boys came home and now I'm listening to DS babbling away to himself while trying to reach everything on the coffee table...
...so all in all it's been a lovely day!

teafortwo Sun 02-Nov-08 09:20:10

HURRAY - it was very nice just me and Jakesmama but even nicer with you too Lottien. I have forgotten blush... where in France are you so we can help on half term ideas? Off the top of my head - Do you make an English Christmas cake? I always try to get this done at half term. It is quite a magical day!

Last night DH stayed up to watch a blokey film while dd and I went to bed.

We lay cuddling and I said

"Good night dd."

She smiled. Hugged me tighter and replied "Good night dd."

"No" - I explained. "We say good night to each other. Not to ourselves. So I say good night dd. You say good night Mummy. OK?" I informed her.

"Ok... Good night Mummy." She practiced.

"Good so lets start again. (pause) Good night dd."

She smiled. Hugged me tighter and replied "Good night dd."

I almost fell off the bed laughing! Realising this was funny she kept saying "Good night dd. No. Mummy!" over and over and joined in my hysterics!

DH came in to find out what was so funny and neither of us could explain we were laughing so much!!! grin

squilly Sun 02-Nov-08 15:52:46

I'm afraid we're past the co-sleeping stage though DD was always perfectly happy in, first her moses basket, then her cot. Still, now I find that when DH works away we co-sleep in his absence. I'm not sure who loves it more.

Teafortwo, your dd sounds like a delight. And you're in France! My best friend is in France, in Bordeaux. We usually go to see her annually, but we missed this year and now I'm missing her too much.

We're in sunny Sheffield (though it's currently raining, so that's not strictly true).

Today dd went to a football party. She is such a socialite! Yesterday was a football match with a friend from class. The day before was a Halloween party with 6 other girls. She was sad that not all her friends could be there. This was then followed by trick and treating where we were lucky enough to bump into some of her best friends who she particularly missed.

I suspect I overcompensate for her one-liness by filling her social diary with events. I have adopted the role of social diary holder and take it on conscientiously. I don't know how multi-child families work things. I get confused enough with one!!!

DD is 7. She is the light of my life and yes, I spoil her. She's my one and only in an ageing family, far away from my own, huge brood, and close to DH's small, also ageing family.

I'm looking forward to using the one-child threads...sharing thoughts and ideas with like minded parents.

I'm lucky to have a RL friend who chose to just have one child and we find we have a lot in common. Roll on more sharing though!

teafortwo Sun 02-Nov-08 17:47:35

Nice to see you Squilly!!! smile

For us Sundays are market day!

We took longer getting there than usual because dd insisted on me 'doing' her hair! I still can't decide if I put her hair into a ponytail or bunches it looks really cute or really naff - but she thinks it looks great - well to be precise "perwiiitiiiee" so why not???

We wondered round the market and then for an after shopping coffee with friends before falling back in our apartment and spending the rest of the afternoon cooking and eating lunch! grin

DD and DH are sleeping off their crabs, lingustine and oysters while I mn/start thinking about packing for our holiday tomorrow!!!!

squilly Sun 02-Nov-08 19:22:05

Holidays? How lucky are you? My French friend isn't back at school til Thursday, so I presume the same applies for you guys?

We've got one day of half term left and will be spending it in our pjs. It's the only day dd will have alone this holiday, so I'm determined to make it laid back, to the max.

Have a good trip Teafortwo.

Jacksmama Sun 02-Nov-08 19:44:24

Hey tea, if I don't catch you later have a WONDERFUL time in Sidi envy... we had a lazy morning and are now rushing out to pick out a new kitchen sink (re-doing kitchen counters as they are disgusting).Hope to chat later!!!!

teafortwo Sun 02-Nov-08 21:50:54

So we are packed, at last, and now I have to pop to the postbox and send my second cousin his 1st brithday card, wash up, sleep and wake up in time to catch the plane!!!! hmm... but first I need to stop mning!

Thanks for the good wishes - I will bring you all back some Jasmine!!! grin

lottien Sun 02-Nov-08 21:54:18

Hi Teafortwo sounds like you had a blissful day. We're in Rouen having moved from Vincennes in the summer. It was fairly well documented on MN - plenty of angst on my part! Things are going pretty well but it's early days and there are still friendship issues. DD's 6 going on 15 and doesn't want to do anything with her boring parents and misses her best friends - particularly the one who came to stay who she says is her sister (they were with the childminder together then maternelle school). Here in Rouen we've still only got about 2 telephone numbers so once I've called them and discovered they're out I get the "we should n't have moved" wail. We did have a nice bedtime though - I'm trying to encourage her to write more so we're making a book called "La Princesse avec les mots tordus". It was supposed to be in English but that's a different topic zone. No I haven't thought of making an Xmas cake - not a bad idea although I've never made one even in England. Actually thinking about it a pudding might be even better - we're doing Chrimbo with the Frenchies this year and I seem to remember horrifying them all last time by telling them that the pudding has to be made months in advance (in fact I'm probably too late already).

Have a lovely hol - if you don't have mn access we'll keep your spot warm for you until you get back.

Jacksmama Mon 03-Nov-08 17:06:45

WARNING: serious rant starting!!
This should probably most properly be posted on the AIBU? thread but TBH that thread scares me a little because opinions on it, from the lurking I've done, can be a bit... errrmmm... well, any word I might use will most likely get me in trouble so I'll just leave that blank and say that here I feel like I'm amongst friends (not that I expect you all to agree with me if I am in fact being unreasonable)... having said that, I don't care if I'm being unreasonable, I simply need to vent!!!!! <JM takes a deep breath and prepares to for shocked and horrified exclamations: I hate The Baby-Whisperer and would like to shove sharp pointy objects under her fingernails!!!
(Pause for exclamations of shock and horror amongst readers of this rant?)
Here's why:
Over the weekend, I had a "friend" over, and while we were chatting over coffee, DS needed to nurse and nap so I popped him on my lap, nursed him and then left him there comfortably snoozing when he fell asleep. After about 15 mins, my " friend" asked "aren't you going to put him in his crib?". I said "nah, he's fine where he is". She raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything else. (I should mention she's a bit older than me and has several grown children, while I am in my late thirties and my DS is 8 1/2 months old.) A few minutes later he half-woke, fussed a little and calmed down again when I let him nurse again. A few minutes later my "friend" asked again if I was going to put him in his crib to sleep. I said no, his favourite place to take a nap was my lap, and he needed to have a good sleep because he'd missed his morning nap because we were out running errands. She asked me why we had to run errands during his scheduled nap time. (Perhaps that should have been my warning.) I explained that he didn't have a scheduled nap time, that he usually napped roughly between x and y a.m. and x and y p.m., or earlier or later if he wasn't tired yet. She announced "he needs to be on a schedule!!" I replied (getting a bit irritated at this point) that a rigid schedule didn't work well for either him or us, that we have a rather casual routine but that being flexible works quite well for us. She asked what time he goes to bed at night. I said, getting really quite irritated now, that we try to do the bath, rocking to lullabies, bed thing between x and y p.m., but that if he fell asleep on the couch with us in the evening, we just leave him to sleep and then take him to bed with us when we go to bed. At the mention of co-sleeping she looked shocked and uttered in horrified accents, "he doesn't sleep in his crib??" I think at this point I should have told her to sod off, because the interrogation was getting on my nerves, but I replied, "no, he's still nursing at night, and we prefer it this way". Another pronouncement: "he should be on solids and should be sleeping through the night!!" Keeping my calm with a heroic effort (because at this point she was needling some points I feel insecure about), I said, "well, everyone does what works for them, and he's clearly thriving on breast milk". She was quiet for several moments and then said: "honey, I don't mean to hurt your feelings but you're a perfect example of what the Baby Whisperer calls *accidental parenting*."
shockshockshockshockshockshock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I asked her to explain what she meant, and she did - I did get that this was not a compliment but didn't know the specifics of what TBW is all about. She must have realized that she'd been a bit insulting but we glossed over it and she left soon after. I immediately Googled TBW and found out what she'd meant. I'm so angry!! Bloody cow!!! We are doing what works for us, how dare she criticize how I'm bringing up DS??? I was so angry I cried.
Okay, I'm done venting.
Has this happened to anyone else???? I mean, parents or p-i-l's or friends telling you what to do with your child? Is there any graceful way to handle this?? Should I have told her where to head in??
Sorry about the long rant. This probably does belong on AIBU... but I need someone to pat my back and tell me that I'm doing fine and send me a hug.

squilly Mon 03-Nov-08 18:01:54

Hi Jacksmama
I'd be calling this friend a 'friend' with inverted commas too! I am proud to say that I was an accidental parent from day 1 with my girl. I enjoyed every minute of parenting her and have been rewarded with a very cheerful, even joyful, 7 year old as a result.

I did notdo regimented routines. I did what I felt my baby needed when I thought she needed it. We did do bedtime routines, but only because DD settled into things on her own, pretty much.

Your so called 'friend' calls this accidental parenting. I call it natural parenting and I'm all for it.

JAcksmama, beat your chest and be proud! If you and Jack (I presume) are happy (and from the posts I've seen, you seem perfectly content) don't let this mumsworth tick you off!

No method is perfect, so the best way to rear your child is the way that makes you and baby happy... HUGS!

Jacksmama Mon 03-Nov-08 18:08:14

Oh thank you squilly, I thought I'd turned into threadkiller extraordinaire for a minute... really, thank you, that makes me feel better. I needed that hug!!

MadBadandDangerousToKnow Mon 03-Nov-08 19:33:02

The thing about parenting, it seems to me [puts on wise old woman's hat, sets her rocking chair in motion and gets ready to impart her vast wisdom] is that everybody gets so dogmatic about it. Most of the theories in the Baby Whisperer (which I've never read, by the way) or The Book That Must Not Be Named or any other parenting tome are, as far as I know, just that - theories, with little or no 'evidence' as such to show whether babies who are parented in accordance with those theories are any happier or more secure than others who aren't. There is evidence (of course) around things like breast-feeeding and weaning but other aspects of parenting are much more subjective and open to different views. Everyone can give an example of a child who was parented in accordance with this or that book and is now sleeping through the night/feeding himself broccoli with a spoon/learning Ancient Greek at the age of three, but that doesn't mean that every approach would work well for every child or every family. Theories of child-rearing also go in cycles - everything that we hear now as received wisdom will probably be consigned to the dustbin of history in twenty years' time.

Actually, I think there is a 'one child family' angle here. I suspect that the fewer the children in the household, the less need one has of a fixed routine (especially with a baby - pre-schools and schools tend to impose a routine of their own). With my child, we did have a routine in the sense that the same things happened at pretty much the same time every day, but we certainly didn't subscribe to the 'don't vary the routine by as much as five minutes because if you do you're going to hell in a handcart' approach. But my hunch is that with more children and more things to fit in and more people's needs to cater for (new baby, plus toddler to get to pre-school plus older siblings to get to school, say) you may need to have more of a timetable just because so many of those other things have a timetable of their own.

I wish I knew why some people feel entitled to thrust their ideas down other people's throats. Your friend sounds very rude and undermining (and possibly not as secure as she pretends about her own choices - why be so pushy otherwise?)

squilly Mon 03-Nov-08 20:58:24

Very wise words madbad. I think you're right about the one chid angle. It is easier to have a more flexible routine if you have just one child.

Squilly jnr never had to be roused from a nap to do activities with (non-existent) squilly jnr2. I based my day and night around her (and my job when she was smaller).

This brought up lots of 'you're spoiling her' and 'you should base her life around yours, not the other way around' type comments. I blithely ignored them all and haven't found any reason (YET) to regret this.

I LOATHE parents who get fixed on an idea and continually ram it down your throat, like your views on the subject or choices of method are immaterial and foolish.

My big sister (14 years older than me with two growing youngsters and therefore clearly better equipped to parent than I hmm) told me that baby talk was nonsense and it would end in tears.

Squill jnr was talking so fluently at 2, the Health Visitor nearly fell off our sofa in surprise. She read early, has a great memory for rhymes and still has a huge vocabulary for her age. My sister's kids, on the other hand....not so much! Not even now they're grown... go figure!

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