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Those of you that have chosen one child......

(22 Posts)
Yanda Wed 15-Oct-08 21:17:57

How often does the feeling come over you that perhaps you would like another after all? I have one DD by choice and very occasionally the broody stick brushes me, but by and large I know my singleton is right for us all. I do borrow babies from time to time though (in a totally non psycho way!) but couldn't see myself with another one even with the questions of when number 2 will arrive!

mooki Wed 15-Oct-08 21:49:15

Not yet. Dd is 13 months. On the occasions when I've looked after a friend's baby at the same time as my own, I'm even more certain we just want one!

Mulanmum Wed 15-Oct-08 22:04:25

Once we'd make the decision not to adopt a second child, I was totally at peace with that decision and just concentrated on enjoying the child I have.

zazen Wed 15-Oct-08 22:06:22

That feeling has really lessened with me. I'm very happy to have more of my life back now that DD is 4 and I am 40.

We run our own business and having a baby had a huge financial impact on us, as I had a horrific crash cesarean, and couldn't work as soon as I needed to.

When I pick up other babies, I don't get broody, once only with my godson last year, but I am happy to hand him back to his mum when he's anything other than perfectly behaved TBH grin no possiting on my cashmere twinset thanks!!

LindzDelirium Thu 16-Oct-08 13:15:25

I think about it now and again but it would such a gargantuan upheaval to our little family and because DD is so dead set against a sibling I don't think I could do it to her.

staysee Fri 17-Oct-08 00:23:24

I often get hit by the broody stick... Me and bf are planning one together (DD isn't his biologically) but not until he has finished uni, which will be about 5 or 6 years anyway! So I just focus on DD for now

Botbot Fri 17-Oct-08 09:31:06

I'm still deciding, but I reckon I'm 80% sure I don't want another. I'm sure once I actually make the decision not to try again it'll be a huge weight off my mind - it's just taking time to get there!

sfxmum Fri 17-Oct-08 09:48:40

this is a big issue with us now, we have a dd 3.4yrs old, I wanted more as soon as she was born and wanted a relatively short gap
but I have had 2 miscarriages since ( had 3 before dd) and am finding it hard to decide what to do

dh seems inclined to settle for one as, I will be 40 in a few months and don't know if I can go through yet another mc
dd talks about 'when I have a little brother or sister'

I can't quite decide, I like our family the way it is but can't help feeling a second child would be lovely despite the upheaval, financial and otherwise that would ensue

idlingabout Fri 17-Oct-08 11:34:22

I can honestly say I have never been broody. I had to be persuaded into having a child in the first place and when I agreed, made it clear it would be just the one. As things turned out there were complications having dd (10 weeks prem)which would not be certain to happen again,but would not be guaranteed not to happen again either.This fact has meant dp gave up very early on in any campaign to convince me to have another.
I do worry that society kind of conspires to pressurise women to become broody - if that makes sense.

Rubyrubyruby Fri 17-Oct-08 11:38:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

muggglewump Fri 17-Oct-08 11:41:23

Never.
The whole idea of more children fills me with horror.

Tee2072 Sun 19-Oct-08 20:51:08

I am thinking only one as I will be 40+ with my first, due next June. I can't imagine have another one at 42 or 43!!

WhiteElefant Sun 26-Oct-08 11:59:16

Never felt broody but I have wanted to be an Aunt for ages, a little nephew or niece that I can cuddle and then hand back to the parents when it starts crying or needs changing sounds good to me but family are not being cooprative at the moment grin

teafortwo Sun 26-Oct-08 15:04:29

Rubyrubyruby - that is a fun story!!! You should write a novel - I'd buy it!!!

WhiteElefant - my sister is getting married to her live in dp this Spring and she often chats 'one day if we have a baby' chat! I am REALLY hoping a little cousiny bundle will be coming into the World soon after, for me and dd to love and hug!!!! grin

CicatrickOrTreat Tue 28-Oct-08 20:29:48

I had a bad pregnancy, and said all the way through that I would never do it again. I haven't changed my mind. And I still have SPD a year on.

DH,whilst I was pregnant rather hoped that I would come round and we would have two, but he has found bits of fatherhood a bit of a struggle and really doesn't fancy doing the whole new baby thing again. And he might lose his job now, too.

So we're agreed on one only, though for different reasons

meandmyjoe Wed 29-Oct-08 11:07:33

Lol whiteelefant! My sister is being most uncooperative regarding this issue too, people can be so selfish!

I sometimes get broody but realistically I KNOW I don't REALLY want another child. I like the fact that the horrible baby stage is over and I can just concentrate on giving ds all my attention. He was a very demanding grumpy baby and I've only just started to enjoy him. Also, he sleeps so well that the thought of having more sleepless nights and the possibility of a baby that never sleeps really scares me and it so much harder when it disturbs the first child.

I think I occassionally want the 'dream' of having another baby, eg the excitement of buying all the baby stuff and picking out names and buying the new pram but the idea of having to do all the other stuff is enough to put me off.

I love that by the time I'm 30 ds will be starting school and he'll be able to talk to me properly and I will have all the time in the world to talk to him/ read with him and play with him. I really don't want to be struggling with another baby as he grows up.

DH worried me last night by saying he'd try for another baby straight away if I wanted to. I have never been more scared in my life!

wannaBe Wed 29-Oct-08 11:15:36

I have an only child through fertility issues rather than choice.

However after 3.5 years of ttc I do think that I'm not so sure any more whether I want another one. Ds is nearly 6 now and the gap would just be too big now IMO. plus we're in a place now where we can go on holiday just the three of us and a baby would just make that so much more difficult.

I'm not using any contraception though but I think after 3.5 years I can be fairly sure that that's not a problem.

teafortwo Wed 29-Oct-08 13:37:07

wannabe - a dear friend of mine said those exact words....

She now has 3 children!!!

grin

zoopas Sun 02-Nov-08 14:45:05

I have one son, who is 11 years old. He's an absolute delight and is a great son. I had 3 miscarriages after he was born, and felt I couldn't go through the emotional turmoil of going through that again, but am still at odds, probably every day!, with myself as to whether or not to try again. I am trying to get hubby to have the snip as I feel sure that once this "final" step is taken, it will be a great weight off my shoulders. Also, I think we should remember that some people aren't lucky enough even to have 1 child, so I count my blessings for my wonderful son. Make the decision, stick with it, I know from years of indecision that it's very damaging!! Good luck.

Gunnerbean Mon 10-Nov-08 15:01:26

I don't realise thre was a whole area for one child families - it's a good talking point.

We made a conscious decision to stop at one but not initially. I had always assumed we'd probably go for the standard 2 like most people do but after I had my DS I was waiting for the urge for another one to come over me (which people had assured me it would and I'd know when the time was right) and it never did.

We were set up in our home, which we love, and having another child would have probably meant a move which we didn;t want to do. Also, for me as a natural born worrier and control freak I knew almost instantly that I didn't want to double up on the worry and stress that another child would inevitably bring (not to mention the expense).

I knew I would get double the love from another child (which everyone assures you you do) but I aready felt I was giving and receiving more than enough love to and from one.

So, in short we were happy with our decision. We'd both wanted a boy, which we got, he was perfect and was a dream baby to look after. So decided to quit while we were ahead.

When DS was about 4 I had a pregnancy scare (coil failre) which thankfully turned out not to be a pregnancy in the end. This horried us and brought home to us just how much we really didn't want another child. After this DH had the snip and were extremely confortable with our choice.

I think that the size of your family is a very personal decision to you as a couple. Like with everything, it's horses for courses and what suits one couple will not suit another.

Our DS is 8 now and has lots of friends, so there always seems to be someone in our house, or he's off playing with them. he has close cousins too so doesn;t go short of company. I think he has the best of both worlds really.

he has never once mentioned to me that he'd like a sibling and I think that is to do with the fact that he kows we are totally relazed about oly having him. I work with a lady who has one son (ICSI treatment) and is devastated that she can't have more, both for herself and because she's feels guilty that she can't do it for her son. She tells me that her son often tells her he longs for a sibling and I truly believe that's because he's picked up her feelings.

If when my DS is old enough to have a familyof his own he decides that he loathed the expereince of being an only child then he can have a huge family if he wants. That will be his choice. Our choice as his parents was to just have him and it's a choice we're totally comfortable with.

Our DS has a great life, whcih doesn;t differ much at all from any of his friends who have siblings. Gone are the days when the only child was the odd ball who stood out like a sore thumb because there experiences were so far removed from children with siblings and they only spent time with ageing parents and aunts and uncles. Life has moved on and times have changed.

My DH was one of 8 and it was something which greatly influenced his choice to only have one child himself.

I have one sister but am no longer in contact with her and she has been the cause of so much heartache and pain in my life. So. I'm like an only child too but I have many wonderful close friends who I share a great bond with.

I don't suppose I'll really know what my DS thinks of being an only child until he's an adult really. But for now he's just as happy and well adjusted as the next child. His teachers have told us that only children stand out in some ways because they seem more adult (especially in conversation and can seem more outgoing) but I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing. He has no problems in relating to other children at all.

I thoroughly enjoy being a parent to an only child and wouldn't swap my family for a larger one for anything - just as I'm sure those with several children wouldn;t swap places with me.

As long as everyone's happy that's all that counts smile

ahfeckit Mon 10-Nov-08 18:14:45

This has been really interesting reading, and I had no idea that this thread even existed until I browsed the topic list today!!
What a great idea

We have one son, but we are still deciding as to whether to add to our family. Same reasons as above really. It would mean we'd have to move house, change our lifestyle basically to accommodate a baby. Our son is 18mo just now and I'm loving learning all about him as it is, and feel that having a baby all over again, would somehow spoil this. I'm probably wrong but at the moment that's how I feel. Perhaps next year I may have changed my mind. To cut a long story short, we're in no hurry to have a second child!!

BikeRunSki Mon 01-Dec-08 07:28:55

This is interesting. My only DC, a DS, is 12 weeks old. I had a horrible pregnancy (6 weeks in hospital) and an emergency c section. DS was then ill for a week. Although he is lovely now,the thought of another has not crossed my mind. Financial, house size and lifestyle issues too. We are very happy as we are. DH doesn't want another either. It's not broke - why fix it? I relaise I may change my mind as DS gets older, as cousins live abroad, but until then, we're happy.

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