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Reconciling yourself to the fact that you are a one-child family?

(14 Posts)
corblimeymadam Mon 13-Oct-08 19:14:04

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Seabright Mon 13-Oct-08 19:34:46

Hi, I know the "surely it is my turn next" feeling from when we were TTC. I knew it was irrational and unfair, but that really doesn't matter, does it?

Does your DH want another too? Could you consider fostering?

soosy Mon 13-Oct-08 19:42:32

Hi BB I am the same as you, I am only just maybe coming round to the idea that DS will probably be an only child and he is 3 and 10 months. I am going to get him a dog. He always insists he doesn't want any siblings and he is going to be my only baby! It's me that wants a bigger family not him.

julesrose Mon 13-Oct-08 19:58:28

It's really hard isn't it. Same situation here but dd now 5. Have pretty much come to terms with it but do get awful pangs of sadness, anxiety and guilt. DD has asked for a sib since she could talk - and has always loved babies. All I can say is that it does get easier but the fact that I've had one does mean ttc every month raises hopes that then get dashed...Sorry to sound miserable. It did help me to stop trying for a while and get it all into perspective. And it has got easier. Promise.

TheWheelsOnTheBusHaveFallenOff Mon 13-Oct-08 20:04:40

just wanted to say you're not alone. I am still coming to terms with having an only and I've been very pragmatic. I'm not storing baby clothes or things but am giving htem to friends or selling them for example. then if I do ever have the good fortune to have another child, well I can just beg, borrow or buy new things. If it never happens I will not have the sorrow of making myself get rid of it all at some point like when I hit 50 or go through menopause.

It is a process to be gone through - and in many ways you can't go through it properly while you are still actively thinking about TTC.

brimfull Mon 13-Oct-08 20:05:50

KNow how you feel
I had dd nearly 17 yrs ago after a fw yrs of fertility treatment,then more yrs of treatment trying for a second with no luck .Gave up as it was so stressfull.

When dd was 11 I conceived naturally out of the blue!!!..

But my point is dd has always said she was perfectly happy and contented as an only child.Obviously she does love her new ds but I needn't have worried about depriving her of a sibling iykwim.

Getting over the pang yourself isn't as easy.

I got a dog as a child substitute smile

madrose Mon 13-Oct-08 20:08:34

I thought I was reading about myself when I read the OP. recently when people ask - surely it's time for number two - I tell the truth - it's not for the lack of trying (and fertility treatment) and I am just so fortunate to have DD. Doesn't stop it from hurting, especially when DD 3 tells m she would love a baby sister.

coochybottom Mon 13-Oct-08 20:35:55

I have a DS 15 and spent 4 years ttc before having ID twin boys now age 6. They couldnt find anything wrong and I had just about resigned myself to the fact I couldnt have any more when I became pregnant with the twins. I was 36. I had tried reflexology but felt I didnt really relax as the therapist spent the whole time chatting so I went to homeopath in desperation. The initial consultation released a lot of demons that I feel may have contributed to the stress I was under. I took what she prescribed but never went back.3 months later I was pregnant!! It is so easy for people to say "oh relax" or "go on holiday" but it is not as simple as that is it? It did seem thou, that once I had decided that was it I got pregnant!!! I also know somone who had their DD by IVF and got pregnant "by accident" 3 months later and is now expecting her 4th having conceived naturally each time since.

corblimeymadam Mon 13-Oct-08 20:43:16

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fin42 Mon 13-Oct-08 20:52:15

When I finally had my DS at 39yrs after years of ttc and fertility treatment I decided I couldn't put myself through all the risk of disappointment and heartache again.
If I ever do get down about it and feel that DS, DH and myself are missing out I think back to the time before and remind myself that we've got more than we ever thought we would have, and so much to be grateful for.
DH is an only child and turned out OK so that helps when I feel I've let DS down by not giving him a sibling.

MadBadandWieldingAnAxe Mon 13-Oct-08 23:45:00

... When I finally had my DS at 39yrs after years of ttc and fertility treatment I decided I couldn't put myself through all the risk of disappointment and heartache again.

If I ever do get down about it and feel that DS, DH and myself are missing out I think back to the time before and remind myself that we've got more than we ever thought we would have, and so much to be grateful for ...

This is so like my experience and how I feel. There are no easy answers. For me, I made a huge effort to focus on the positives (my lovely daughter, no more broken nights or vomit on my shoulder) and to ignore, as best I could, the negatives (no more babies).

racingsnake Thu 23-Oct-08 15:01:57

It is difficult reconciling yourself to no more babies. I don't know if I have managed it yet, although probably no choice in the matter. DD born 8 weeks premature, so I was probably mad to try again. I did, though, and now feel I was lucky that we had a mc very very early. Cannot imagine what I would do if it had been later. No one who hasn't been through it can understand the worry - I was frantic for 6 months, happily pregnant for about 6 weeks, then in hospital with premature baby. Is there anything more insane than wanting to do that again? I did, though.

anniemac Mon 03-Nov-08 11:25:17

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zoopas Sun 09-Nov-08 23:14:56

I simply count my blessings for my wonderful son, who is now 11. My sister often brings round her brood of 5 and my son adores them all, especially the youngest, who is 5. Our house is a mixture of noisy times (yep, even just the 3 of us) and quiet times, which my son loves, with no distractions!! We have friends and relatives around often and I am careful to not "smother" him and just let him occupy himself at times. I'm not claiming to be perfect (far from it), but I want to enjoy my life (and want my son to enjoy his) as it is now, not thinking "I wonder if" all the time. I tried to have another baby after my son, my had 3 miscarriages, and now I think I owe it to myself to stop. When I suffered shock after the latest miscarriage, my husband actually thought I'd dropped down dead... don't particularly want to put him through that again...! So live for the day, enjoy every second, I do.
wink

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