Lockdown with an only stresses!

[TheFuckingDogs]

Hi, I really don’t often post but just feeling super sad today as I shouted at my DS8 that I just wanted a bit of space and now I feel terrible.
He’s a lovely kid and in normal times we have a large group of friends/family and other children around us and he’s a happy little boy.
Since last week he has become very clingy and I realise he’s feeling uncertain about the crazy world we all now call home.
Dh is basically working away for the next few months although here at weekends.
We are a happy unit of 3 but when it’s just the two of us I find it draining. I feel like the house is sooo quiet and constantly sorry my dc is lonely and sad but at the same time emotionally knackered if I’m constantly entertaining him! Obviously if he had siblings he would have playmates or even people other than me to bicker with!

Does anyone have any good ideas of how to co-exist more happily in lockdown in a way where he gets space, I get space but we both also feel happy and not lonely?

Sorry for verbal waffle and if anyone else struggling too please jump in with your situations 👍

[BooseysMom]

@TheFuckingDogs.. I love your name ..it reminds me of when I was at the farm where I was born and there were loads of dogs there constantly driving me insane with their barking!! Anyway that's not what I really wanted to say! ...I just wanted to say I did the same the very first day of home learning! I lost it and ended up shouting at DS because he refused to do more than one activity. It's really hard cos they don't associate home with school and we're not their teachers. It's just asking too much imo.
How old is your DS? Mine is just 7.
The only thing he wants to do is play games on my phone. I've tried reasoning with him limiting the amount of time he has on it but because he's an only and we're always knackered we have relied on it too much and now he's obsessed and I feel so.guilty. I know we 're not alone though.
Sorry this isn't helpful but it's honestly been the only way we've been able to get time for all of us and co-exist more happily.
I would love to hear if anyone else out there has any helpful suggestions.
Good luck.

[TheFuckingDogs]

Hello! Thanks so much for getting back to me! No one ever seems to respond on quieter groups.
Yes my name comes from my dogs driving me bonkers at times!
Sorry you’re also experiencing this, my ds is the same age and just like you because he’s an only we have possibly relied too much on screens too.
Yes the guilt when he’s zoned into a screen is awful - friends with more than one are always telling me it’s not like theirs are constantly interacting- a friend said an interesting thing that had just never occurred to me - I was saying how when my ds wakes up I feel bad not getting up with him straight away as he’s sat watching tv on his own. She made the point that one of hers gets up hours before the other so they are doing exactly the same as mine and to stop being silly about the guilt! That did weirdly help 😀
Hope you guys are falling into a bit of a routine, we’re definitely feeling a bit more confident again today

[Copperbeaches]

Hi although mine is only 3 so we are not trying to do any school work. I completely feel the same, it's v draining when it's just the 2 of you, I feel like I have to constantly be his playmate. Which him being 3 is exhausting
We would normally have lots of groups to attend and play dates and he enjoys the company
Like you we are happy as a 3 and will always be that way, but bloody hell this lockdown is hard!!

[AhGoOn]

I have tried several times to set up FaceTime calls for my DS with one of his friends but it never seems to actually happen. Same thing occurred last lockdown with a different friend. It really upsets him when he is expecting to FaceTime and then suddenly they are too busy. Why do their Mums says their child will FaceTime and then they don't? It upsets me too. So I'm a bit stumped now. He's a really sociable child so not sure how we are going to get through the rest of this lockdown.

[Myoneandonlyds]

So glad I found this post!

My ds has just turned 6, he's really sociable and we normally have a friend, or sometimes friends, over after school so he really misses them.

His father leaves the house around 6.30am and won't be back until 5.30/6pm so it's just us two for most of the day.

The things I've found that have helped us are trying to break up the day by being out of the house, so we'll go to the park down the road, or go out for a walk.

Then when we get back I try to be specific about what we'll do and when, for example I'll say I'm going to check my work emails now so you can watch something on tv/Netflix and then after that we'll do something together, and then we can attempt school work.

And then some days it all goes to shite and he'll be in his pj's till midday but we can't do everything all the time! So sometimes screen time is the only way to have 5 minutes, just don't feel guilty about it.

[BooseysMom]

@TheFuckingDogs.. thanks for replying. Glad you're feeling better about things. Hope you still are since your last post! I also feel more confident about things. Yes the screen thing is so guilt inducing. I'm an older mum and to think that when I was a kid we just read books and watched 3 channels of TV!
How's home schooling going? We had a mixed week. One day he shouted at me saying I'm not a teacher so what do I know?! That was nice. And again he just wants my phone and won't sit and concentrate. It's so frustrating.
What you said about your friend and her children helped, that they don't interact all the time anyway

[thethoughtfox]

Watching movies. Listening to audiobooks together is a nice together activity in the same room but you can both do separate things as well ( Mumsnet for you and drawing or whatever for them)
We are doing a fort night tonight: sleeping in the living room with one of us watching movies and eating snacks while staying up a bit later than usual. Great contact when child is a bit clingy and needs you more.

[thethoughtfox]

We got through all the Harry Potter audiobooks last lockdown. Enjoyable for both of us. Lovely Stephen Fry. There's one of The Ickabog also read by Stephen Fry.

[thethoughtfox]

We made the decision to stop fighting the schoolwork battle after tears every single day. We are the only relationship our dc has during lockdown so it has to be as loving and happy as possible. Kept the reading practice up. Got an online tutor for 3 half hour sessions a week. Best decision we made.

[HelloMist]

Hi, I'm a little late to the thread but wanted to say hi because as you say @TheFuckingDogs, these threads can be quiet. I've got 1 DD aged 6.

Thethoughtfulfox has some good ideas.

OP, can you go for a walk on your own at the weekend when DH is back? I like to sometimes. It's a chance to think or listen to something as I walk, hit the reset button. Most people need their own space some of the time. It's very intense one to one in lockdown. I'm finding the same while DH works and we do school.

Can you take breaks where you watch something on a tablet with headphones? or put the radio on in a different room, phone a friend? while your son does what he wants. And then be back together again feeling fresher, hopefully.

@AhGoOn that is frustrating and disappointing. Can you try to set one up with a different friend? Even one that you didn't think was as close, perhaps the parent will be more reliable (or invite several, then the chance of one coming is higher). We've done video calls and quite enjoyed them usually. Sometimes the children just did their own thing (playing or drawing) rather than actually talking much, but it felt like they had company other than just me. It was nice.

[yellowgirl1]

Hi I'm newish here but just shared a petition on another thread and thought it would be relevant here to help lonely kids. If you think that the rule in England should be the same as in Scotland so that kids don't count towards the "only can meet up with 1 other person for exercise" so they can come along too and meet the other person's kids, then please sign this petition (and share if you're comfortable with doing so because it needs more people!) petition.parliament.uk/petitions/567170 because it's the kind of detail that government will forget unless people point it out and kick up a fuss, and wouldn't need to wait for when schools are open. I actually have 2 kids but I'm an only child myself and remember being lonely once I'd grown out of imaginary friends and I also have an 8 year old boy who is fortunately in school as a key worker child but is gaming too much the rest of the time and also not getting to speak much to his friends (who are not in school) while gaming because "an older boy locks the Houseparty room"

[AhGoOn]

Thanks @HelloMist I will think about your idea. I'm just struggling with it all at the moment. The thought of contacting other school Mums seems beyond me at the moment.

[Welikebeingcosy]

Little bit late to the party but I find it so hard for my little one too. She is only 21 months and talking a lot and wants to play play play all day long and I feel so guilty that I don't have the reserves in me to be her constant playmate. I just wish for her to have some groups to go to to play at. Ive missed completely seeing her at toddler groups as a walking child and I really hope we will get that back at some point. Otherwise yes it is a lot of screen time which I feel guilty about- we even have our own phones that we use sitting next to each other now but I'm hoping she will improve her vocabulary through it and also she has learned how to flick through YouTube options which I think must be good for part of her development. Just relieved it is only the two of us and there aren't younger babies to entertain too!