I'm so guilt ridden and confused

[NiKiTaCoLlEt]

I'm nervous posting this but I can't calm my brain. I feel confused and shocked.

So me and my 3 year old boy had the best day today. Honestly felt like I was bossing it as a mum. We were both happy and the day just flowed.

One thing happened though that I can't understand and now he's sound asleep in bed I'm driving myself crazy over it.

So we went to a park to practiced his scooter. He decided he wanted me to push him on it. With both his feet on it and me pushing from behind.

He hasn't mastered steering yet and I couldn't steer from behind so every time we got to the edge of the path I would stop and straighten him up and go again. But for some reason unknown on the last go I was pushing from behind and we were going towards the edge of the path which goes into grass and rather then stop the scooter I let go of him. Knowing full well he would fall off as the scooter hit the grass.

I don't understand what the hell i thought I was doing and what made my brain think that was a good idea. I picked him up straight away and checked he was ok and he was fine. He was rubbing his knees a bit. But no tears and we carried on having fun. BUT WHY? I would never want to hurt him. I don't get it? Why did I do that? I feel sick that my brain decided to do that.

It's like I had a intrusive thought to do it and then did it before I realised what I was doing. He could of hurt himself, it could of made him not want to go in his scooter again and he's only a beginner 😢 why why why???

[lockdownpregnancy]

Said with love, but you need to calm down.
You may have just thought you'd let him go on his own to see how he got on?
I highly doubt you did it to purposely watch your child get hurt!
As parents we all have these weird stupid thoughts and do things that we later sit and think to ourselves 'why the hell did I do that???!'
Don't be so hard on yourself OP. Your boy was fine. A lesson for life, sometimes you fall down but you get back up, dust yourself off and carry on going! 💪🏻

[MushMonster]

You watched too many films where the father let's go of the bike as a way of teaching children to ride. And they do not ever fall!
I think your mind was on something else? Maybe you are worried or anxious?
Just do not worry more.
Try to go on the side of the scooter, with a hand on the handle, while he has his hands on it too, so you can show him how to steer.

[Ty36]

It was just a spare of the moment mis-thought, I wouldn’t worry about it, these things happen now and then.

[Whitepots]

We've all misjudged things from time to time, as parents.

I remember encouraging DD to play on a balance beam in a playground when she was about 5. She didn't want to, although she had done it many times before, but clearly wasn't in the mood. I continued to encourage her. She did it, then fell and we ended up in A&E...

Bad judgment on my part, and I felt awful, but equally I never intended for her to get hurt. No more than you did. Sometimes we just push slightly to hard.

[schmockdown]

Did you post similar yesterday and have changed the detail?

[JayAlfredPrufrock]

He fell. On grass. He’s fine. Relax.

[NiKiTaCoLlEt]

Thank you everyone xx