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Unwanted / unhelpful opinions

(5 Posts)
TeaGirl3 Fri 27-Sep-19 17:56:36

Hi there, we have a wonderful toddler daughter and we're so happy as a family of three. My husband is an only child and I have a sister. He's always been happy with just one child, whereas I've always been open to trying for one or two; however, I've recently decided that I'm happy just the way we are.

I know that no one else's opinion matters and it's been the most difficult decision I've ever had to make. I'm so lucky to have my little girl and obviously there's no guarantee I'd get pregnant again.

My dad is currently working on our family tree as a retirement project and earlier today he was talking about the possibility of our daughter having a brother or sister. I said that it probably won't be happening and he replied "oh let's not talk about that", which hurt. It felt as though it was a disappointment that we wouldn't be growing our family.

There's no real point to this post. I just need to put it out there. I know I shouldn't listen to anyone and it's our decision, but I've found it incredibly tough to reach this point, so any family opinions really do hurt and touch a raw nerve.

BooseysMom Fri 04-Oct-19 21:19:22

@TeaGirl3...Just wanted to say hi and that i too have just come to terms with my decision to have just one. I was nearly 41 when we had DS and although we sort of tried for another it didn't happen. Certain members of my family have been really tactless and have.hurt me and it's been hard going to see them and pretending everything is ok. What i really want to do is have a huge Eastenders style rant and tell them exactly how i feel! So Xmas should be interesting!
So i do get what you're feeling. It's a massive decision to make but i do feel lighter for having made it. Hope you find peace too x

Starbuck8419 Fri 11-Oct-19 17:45:04

Oh don’t! I feel you!
My husband and I decided almost straight away one was enough for us so our decision has been mutual and something we both 100% wanted but.... that hasn’t stopped people giving me their unwanted opinions any time I get asked if I’ll have any more.

I can’t be clearer when I say no and yet there’s the “you’ll change your mind” or “we will see” types. As if at 35 I haven’t a clue what I want in life.

I’ve had people telling me having one is cruel as they need someone to play with (schedule play dates then!)
They won’t know how to share or play with others (ludicrous as my daughter is so sociable.)
I’ve even been bullied by my husbands grandma saying “as we had a girl the family name won’t live on.” 🙄😂

It’s only when I tell them that we absolutely won’t be having any more as my husband has had the snip (something I get told I’m horrible for if I snuck in at night and did it to him) that they leave the subject.

All these people are idiots. You have to do what’s best for you! It’s horrible when they don’t support your decision and should be pleased you had the one. So many couples our age are choosing not to reproduce.

BooseysMom Fri 11-Oct-19 19:32:25

@Starbuck8419.. Absolutely agree grin I had only just had DS at 41 and he was only a few weeks old when i had to endure the 'you've got to have another one, you can't just have one' comments from someone who had none! Unbelievable! The comment about it being cruel is completely ridiculous. Like your DD, my DS is fine at playing and sharing. Not having a sibling has not hindered his development one bit

TeaGirl3 Thu 31-Oct-19 23:51:40

Thanks everyone! It's nice to talk to people in the same boat and on the same page smile

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