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Finally decided to try for number 2 and miscarried!

(10 Posts)
sadsack123 Sun 01-Sep-19 10:07:30

I've spent a long time deciding whether or not to have another until it's really quite late. Lots of good reasons not to but I decided if I didn't try I would always regret it

Amazingly I became pregnant, we were really happy despite the potential big age gap and my age

Sadly I've just miscarried and I now can't help thinking that it's a sign that I shouldn't have another

So I am back to where I was .. except more traumatised

Anyone else been through this?

MamaHatfield Sun 01-Sep-19 20:40:02

I could have written this post myself. I miscarried last month at 9 weeks.
I felt like nature was making the decision for me, I've gone the other way and now adamant I'm happy with my DD age 4 and won't be trying again.
My OH says I shouldn't make permanent decisions whilst I'm still obviously emotions so time will tell if I change my mind.
I'm not sure if this response is useful at all, I just didn't want to ignore.

DeniseRoyal Mon 02-Sep-19 18:01:33

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is devastating. I went through the same. Decided when our dd was 3 that we would try for another. I had a miscarriage 3 years ago and nothing since. Its been really hard to accept that she will be an only child but accepted it I have. And its ok. I am 43 and overweight, and unless I can get more weight off, its not going to happen! But my dd is my world, and I am absolutley blessed to have her so I have learned to be happy with what I do have, which is a lovely little family of 3 💜💜💜

sadsack123 Tue 03-Sep-19 22:08:14

Thanks for your comments

I know lots of people have miscarriages and to be honest I think I've escaped fairly lightly as it's my first and it was an early loss (6.5 weeks) but I feel really lost..

I'm not sure I can go through the worry and stress again and my age makes it very risky

Helbelle17 Tue 03-Sep-19 22:22:36

So sorry to hear this. It's completely devastating.
I was 41 when I had our beautiful dd. We weren't really trying for number 2, but found out I was pregnant again a year later. It wasn't brilliant timing, but we were over the moon.
At the 12 week scan, we found out that there was no baby, just a sac. Utterly heartbreaking.
We've been trying since, but nothing yet. Since the miscarriage, I've been fairly obsessed with getting pregnant again, but the last few weeks I'm actually coming to terms with being a family of 3.
We'll just wait and see what happens.
Be kind to yourself.

sadsack123 Fri 06-Sep-19 07:14:55

Sorry for your loss

So it gets worse.. I was rushed in with suspected ectopic after what I thought was a complete miscarriage and they operated and removed the pregnancy and tube

I feel battered and bruised and now have even less chance as have one less tube. I don't think I could risk this again it's been awful

Also even if it wasn't ectopic again there is all the other risks of normal miscarriage blighted ovum molar pregnancy problem with baby. I sailed through my first pregnancy blissfully unaware of all of these things

Jesus what on earth was I thinking doing this? I nearly risked my life I should have been content with what I've got .. my amazing dc

Sorry that's just how I feel at the moment but I am feeling very fragile ☹️

Helbelle17 Tue 10-Sep-19 09:41:03

So sorry to read your update.
How are you feeling now? Be kind to yourself.

sadsack123 Tue 10-Sep-19 19:18:08

Thanks for your message @Helbelle17

I just feel a bit numb at the moment. I'll recover physically in time im sure but I had no idea things could go so wrong when I rolled the dice again.. I was prepared for miscarriage or worrying harmony results but not this life threatening condition and surgery which could have robbed my dc of mummy and also reduced my chance of trying again

I just keep asking why? But then I know there is often no rhyme or reason to these things

It's very hard

wonkylegs Tue 10-Sep-19 20:23:50

No matter what the circumstances a miscarriage is hard and you will be raw emotionally and physically for quite a bit. It's hard and 'what if' questions inevitably pop into your head but they are not helpful and it will take time to get you head around it.
We tried for no.2 after a big gap (for good reasons) and we miscarried at 20wks, it was devastating and my head was not in a good place for quite a long time but eventually we did decide to try again and had DS2 but if you'd asked me straight afterwards I wouldn't have tried again in a million years.
You've had a very rough time, now is the time to look after yourself, and spend quality time with those who love you. Don't over analyse give yourself time & a bit of a break.

sadsack123 Tue 10-Sep-19 21:20:15

Thanks @wonkylegs

That's good advice

I think I just need time to process everything and get better...

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