My first child is perfect...(25 Posts)
Okay this is going to sound rediculous and probably like I'm bragging as well but here goes...
My DD is 2 years old and is fantastic (I know all parents probably think their child it's, but she's a dream child); she sleeps through, is well behaved, polite, happy and caring.
My issue is that I've started feeling broody lately and have started talking to DH about having a second baby but I'm genuinely worried that if we have another baby it'll be a nightmare child.
I've been far too lucky with DD and she's either going to be a nightmare threenager or out next child will be the total opposite to her.
I'm not really sure what I'm asking for here. Maybe just thoughts or reassurance that I won't end up regretting it if have another and they don't turn out like DD.
I had these exact thoughts. I have one DC
My dc1 was like yours. DC2 is still under a year, but so far is the exact opposite! She’s super cheeky and into everything, spits out food, doesn’t sleep well, screeches, , the list goes on. But do I love her any less? Not a chance! I kind of admire her rebellious nature. She’s so cute!
You won’t regret a second child for not being perfect. No two are the same, but you love them for who they are
I have 2 daughters and they are totally different but each perfect in their own way. No 1 is much more chilled out than no 2 so in that way she’s much easier. No 2 does dominate my time more as she demands it more & no 1 is really tolerant of that. They argue but they are also very loving to each other & are both good children at heart. When I’ve seen my friends have second children it seems to be a common theme that the second is more strong willed. That’s not to say it’s a bad thing. If you have a second child or decide to get a dog instead it will change the balance & routine you already have so your decision should be based on if that is something you are happy to do. Our decision to have a second was based on the fact that if we didn’t at least try, I knew I would regret it.
Dd1 was like yours.
Dd2 exact opposite but freaking awesome- she's nuts and my wild child but I wouldn't change her for the world.
Currently preg with dc3 so who knows what will he will be like!
Do not have another child if you’re going to compare them to their sibling. No two children are the same and it’s extremely damaging to be compared to someone else
I always said if my dc2 was my first, he would have been an only child.
Haaaa. My DC1 is my ‘tricky’ child, DC2 is much easier (so far - 16 months). Nonetheless I had similar thoughts about whether I could possibly love another child as much/ think they were as fantastic as my intelligent, exacting, sensitive, mercurial firstborn! It’s genuinely not only parents of “convenient” children who think they’re lucky and that their children are perfect.
I think also though as your children get older you start to move through phases of easier and less easy - so my often-tricksy one was really easy at 3 and 4, and seems to be turning low-maintenance again now at 7. As you say, yours might be a hardcore threenager (I’m wondering when my 1yo is going to start feeling challenging - I’m sure it will happen!). There’s no predicting any of it.
Some families do seem to have more than one convenient child too...
My first is a quiet, sensible head, a rational thinker, a bookworm and generally easy going child that stays largely in his comfort zone. The second is bonkers, but he brightens my life so much, he's fun, adventurous and daring and so much more extroverted. I couldn't imagine my life without either of them, they complete my family.
Thank you for your honest responses.
Tbh when I think about our future I do imagine 2 children so I think even by asking/thinking about it, I've shown myself what I want. I also think as someone else said that I'd always regret it or wonder what if, if we didn't at least try for another.
Obviously I would not intentionally compare my children, it's more a curious thought right now, especially as DC2 is hypothetical.
DD was an angel toddler. I could take her our without worrying about tantrums, she always trotted along nicely next to me, her communication skills were/are excellent. She's 5 now and that's all still true... but she can be a cheeky little madam when she wants to be (picked it up from preschool and then school).
DS was a dream baby, mostly. He's 1 now and is a happy chap, but much louder and more of a handful that DD ever was. She never put anything in her mouth, I have to watch him like a hawk. She would sit quietly and look at books, he tries to rip any flaps out then throws it in frustration. She went in the buggy and stayed there no problem, I often have to manhandle him in. He can be a pain in the bum at times, tbh!
But DD was terrified of other people (especially children) and has only just started to come out of that, and she also has lots of issues with food. DS is friendly and smiles at everyone, and he eats EVERYTHING.
I wouldn't change either of them, and am so glad they're both here.
Interesting. There will always be judgement.
My DS1 was 'a handful' to the extent that, if we had loads of family, there might not have been DC2. But we didn't, so we almost gritted our teeth and went for what is DS2.
My story relates to DS1. I went to a lovely, supportive mums group where almost all DC were nicely behaved little DD babies. As they became young toddlers, how sympathetic the mums were, witnessing how my DS set off in the opposite direction to the play-mat; how their little ones sat still, little mouths open at story time; how they ate the healthy nibbles on offer; whereas I was halfway across the park, chasing DS.
Then everyone's no 2 came along.
The anguish as to why Cameron didn't like story time. Emily had loved it. Why Oscar didn't sleep 20 hours s night like Amelia did.
However, and this is hard. Two mums quietly mentioned how, with their lively second born, how passive their quiet, well behaved, obedient first born actually was.
You can’t have a second child on the proviso that they are as ‘perfect’ as your first, OP. That’s not a bargain you can make with the universe. Plus you can never predict the effect that having another child will have on your existing child.
My DC1 is an absolute nut job. Doesn't sleep, runs riot, learns the hard way.. Usually through injury as he doesn't listen to the word no. Is hyper, hilarious, boisterous and stubborn! He's also very loving, caring and compassionate. I'm due DC2 in a couple of weeks and alot of people were shocked as DC1 is such a handful and is so busy all the time you can't take your eyes off him, he's like a whippet. Anyway my point is it doesn't matter if your 1st is an angel or not, if you'd like another one then have one, no child is the same. I've got my fingers crossed DC2 will be the same as DC1 or similar personality. As much as I'm knackered from him, he's so much fun!
I've got 2 boys, completely different but absolutely devoted to each other. Just seeing them playing together makes my heart melt. Admittedly we've not hit the teenage wilderness years yet so it could all change!
I've got an 8 year gap which is tough and was due to circumstances rather than choice.
Ds is 16 and dd is 8.
Ds slept from the minute he was born, was such a good baby and everyone told me that dd would be the complete opposite. She was even better than ds and I've never had to do a night feed or have sleepless nights but......
It does catch up with you in the end!
Ds now goes to sleep later than me and dd thinks she's missing out on something when she's out to bed at 8.30/9pm. Both of them
have such different personalities. Ds is very loving towards me and dd is all for her dad.
It's human nature to compare though. What did worry me when pregnant was not loving dd as much as I loved ds. It really freaked me out. When she came along there was no issue and my mum told me it's completely normal to feel like that.
Good luck whatever you do. No regrets for us.
I have a mixture of different personalities ( obviously having six kids) but my youngest Dd is a total nutter! She is very stubborn, defiant and is very emotional and feisty.
You can have siblings that are very similar to each other personality and trait wise but never 2 the same! I wouldn't let it put you off having another child though either way you will love and adore them just like your first.
Ours has been beyond perfect, literally no trouble at all.
Sleeping through the night at 8 weeks, 2 weeks sleep training at 4 months cracked self soothing meaning solid sleep pretty much from then onwards (now almost 4).
He has been super healthy, is strong, eats well, loves exercise, works things out and makes friends easily. Seems a good balance of all traits.
I’m in the same boat, if we have another what are the chances of them turning out the same?
Also as we all know children grow up and change so the “perfect” babies and toddlers may well present their own challenges in the years ahead!
It’s a personal decision but I personally wouldn’t just base it on how “good” they are as very young children.
I had a perfect DS he really was contented gorgeous happy everything I/we could want. I wondered if I had enough/anymore love to give to another child. But as older parents we went for it and quickly had another child DD. DD was the opposite as a baby she cried much more and I think she was frustrated with herself and fixated with DS and wanted to be running around like him long before she could. They have had lots of fun together and been good friends. They are both generous, unselfish and know how to share. They both have had their ups and downs and I absolutely did and do have enough love for them both. Compared to DS as a toddler and at primary DD was so easy. But at secondary school she has got a bit hormonal/mouthy and has had a few friendship issues. It’s swings and roundabouts. But looking back as parents with one child life was so easy and we were playing at it in reality compared to having two. As parents to two children I felt like we were a proper family. It was hard and challenging splitting my time between them both at times but they are only 13 months apart but I wouldn’t change things for the world.
At school we learned about probability based on bags of marbles, take a redone out and chance of a blue one increases etc.
Having kids is not like that. You have hundreds of eggs, DH can make unlimited amounts of sperm - billions of potential combinations. Each child is a new toss of the dice.
I thought DD was our dream child but turns out DS is too! There are many ways to be fantastic.
Cylemad *what a brilliant way of putting it
My dc1 was pretty perfect. And then I had Dc2 at which point dc1 morphed into the spawn of satan and stayed like that for a year. She's a perfectly nice (non demonic) 15yo now.
You never know how things will pan out, I was a very easy child, slept well, ate well, always complimented on lovely manners, played independently but also shared and socialised with other children, found the company of adults easy. As a teen I was great to everyone else and hypercritical/ awful to my mother. DB didn't sleep as a child, was hyperactive and trouble found him, he was a very laid back teen.
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