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Knowing from day 1 that child will be an only

(5 Posts)
gracepoolesrum Wed 12-Jun-19 19:43:23

My DD is only 5 weeks old but we needed years of fertility treatment to conceive her and the financial, physical and emotional toll has been such that we know we won't try again. The nature of our infertility means there's zero hope of a surprise natural conception so this really is it. I would have loved 2 or 3 children but am trying to be grateful and enjoy every minute of the one we have (especially as her entry into the world was very difficult, but that's another thread). But I already feel regret that I'll never have a tiny newborn again! Just interested in anyone else who knew from the start they would only have one child and how you dealt with it I suppose, any tips for making the most and not dwelling on it?

PBobs Thu 13-Jun-19 07:06:16

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. We always knew there would only be one but that is through choice. I will say though that even though it is the right choice for us (lots of reasons like age, lifestyle, finances, etc) I completely empathise with your sense of sadness over no more babies and newborns. I even feel sad I'll never be pregnant again or go through labour - both of which I was lucky enough to find easy.

That said, I am an only and I loved and love it. It's harder as an adult but then even if there's siblings I know they don't often share the parental responsibilities evenly. Growing up was wonderful. I had lots of friends and my parents adore(d) me. But I'm also good at alone time and rarely felt or feel lonely.

Sorry that's not much help but I think your feelings are natural and so common. I said to my DH the other day that it makes me sad that our baby will never be the same as he is today ever again. There is a strange sadness and joy in that.

Good luck to you and your little family.

Aria2015 Thu 13-Jun-19 21:12:11

Firstly, congratulations! I have one lo. I've had multiple miscarriages (before and after his birth) and emotionally I feel like I can't cope with risking any more by trying again. So it's looking more and more likely that lo will be an only. I struggle with it because I never imagined I'd just have one (although I'm hugely grateful and realise I'm lucky). I suppose I find it hard to feel peaceful about it and like you, feel sadness at only experiencing having a newborn / baby stage once. Having said that, my lo is 3 now and we have such a strong and lovely bond that when I was trying for a second (and pregnant for a time) I felt sad at the thought of having to divide my attention between him and another child. I guess there's potential for regrets no matter what path we're taken on. For now I'm trying to find peace with it all by focusing on all the good things that come with having only one child and trying to make sure I make the most of them. There are loads of positives like being able to focus all your love and attention on one child, easier to travel, go places, more time to spend on yourself and your relationship. So my advice is focus on the good and live it! Also, newborn cuddles are amazing but so far I've found every age amazing and if anything it just gets better. Nothing beats feeling my lo's squidgy little arms wrapped around my neck as he gives me a big cuddle and tells me he loves me. There's still so much more for you to enjoy beyond the baby stage so don't fret!

sar302 Thu 13-Jun-19 21:30:21

Take loads of photos and videos - I have thousands and my DS is only 18 months old.
When I feel a bit sad that we'll never have another, I look back at his baby photos and relive those early days, without the sleepless nights and the worry!

I've come to realise that it's not really a second (random) baby that I miss the thought of, but almost that I'd like to do it all over again with him in a way? But I know that's impossible. So I just squidge him really tight, and try and enjoy as much of it as possible. And also think about the positives of only having one - there are many!

HappyParent2000 Sun 11-Aug-19 21:20:40

Ours is now tiring 4, we did it naturally (even though we really shouldn’t have) so now can only go the fertility treatment route.

People make way to much of a deal about siblings, all families are different.

We have encounters 0 comments, no resistance and not a single person questing is about more.

It’s the few that do have it and make a deal about it that makes everyone thing one child families have a problem. We don’t!

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