Having one child when they get older(19 Posts)
Can you share with me what it is like to have older only children. What have bern the challenges and benefits?
Any suggestions/ advice you can give having gone through the decision of having just one or having the decision made for you.
What do you mean by older? My dd is 19 and it's like having a 19 year old dd. She and I have nothing to compare it to.
Is there something you are particularly worried about?
Oh I somehow misread your question!
Why do you ask? What is your situation?
Ds is 10. I make sure he has plenty of time with other children and he’s happy. Doesn’t seem to be a problem.
Do you mean some one is saying you can’t have another?
I had my first dd, she was easy to manage,Got bored very quick, was cheaper holidays, could afford nice things for her.
Then I had dd2 and dd3 18 years later, three years apart. It’s very loud, costs a fortune, stresses me out, lots of laughs, they fight, they are each other’s best friends, sometimes I think fuck why did I go for a third, sometimes I love my two baby girls in bed with me chatting away.
It’s swings and round abouts. However I’m glad my two youngest have got each other - I wish my eldest could have experienced it too
I was an only child. I would have liked a sibling but it was fine. My childhood was wonderful.
My Ds is 12 but I can’t compare it to having a sibling as I have no experience.
My Ds when he goes on camp or sleeepover I get s free pass which is fab as a Lp
Our only DS is 17 and we are also older parents. He is happy, doesn't mind his own company but has a large friendship group of both boys and girls. Every child is different, there are times I'm sure he'd have liked a sibling but he's well rounded and mixes well with adults and children.
We have been able to give him lots of opportunities which may not have been the case if he had siblings. He has very definite ideas about things and can argue his case vociferously, but we have great conversations too. He is very loving, open with us and (most of the time) a joy to be around . But this is our DS and they are all unique.
Sorry my question wasn't very well phrased. I have an only who is 6 and I wanted to hear from people with older only children about what the challenges have been as they grow up and how they've overcome them and also the benefits
My only is now 25.
He had lots of friends and spent lots of time with them.
I have asked him whether he would have preferred siblings but he says he wouldn’t. Not from a selfish point of view but more he can’t compare what he hasn’t experienced.
@porte .. Hi Tia, I have only one DS who's 5 so I'm sorry I can't advise on older children, but suffice to say we will only be having him now I'm too old for another. So i wanted to say it's a good question you ask and interesting to hear about different experiences
I’m an only child & I had a very happy childhood. That said, I’ll be having more than one (hopefully).
I was a sociable child & my mum was part of a large NCT group so I had lots of friends. I loved school as it was time with people my age. So that was probably a bonus as a parent! As it was just me, my parents could afford for me to do dance classes, swim lessons, music lessons etc., & I made lots of friends and had some great experiences through those clubs as a teenager!
As I got into junior/high school, I do remember feeling very lonely in the school holidays. But that was the only time. Particularly our actual holiday away somewhere. I was very envious of those with siblings to play with. I spent 10 days with my parents & found it quite boring! But my parents didn’t do holidays with holiday clubs or anything. We usually went to Wales & did lots of walking! So maybe something to consider
I spent a lot of time with adults & was a pretty mature kid for it. Again, no bad thing. I’m still very sensible!
For me, it’s now as an adult that I feel sad I have no siblings. I look at those with bigger families in envy. My other half is one of three and family get togethers are chaotic & noisy & so much fun. Mine are adults who are all 60+ and me! As a result, I want to make a big family for myself! But again, it’s Ok, I love my family for what it is & I (and our daughter) get to join in my partners family craziness!
I don't have children but I was sort of an only child (my siblings are much, much older than me and had left home by the time I was a toddler). 3 of them are so much older that they almost felt like aunts and uncles and the younger of my 4 siblings felt like a sister to me but I was still aware of the age gap.
As a young child I was fine and would play with the children in my street and didn't feel lonely. I only sometimes missed someone to play board games with if my friends weren't around.
As I got older I was happy. I would see my school friends a few times per week, got a weekend job at 16 and quite liked my own space and company when I was at home. It probably taught me to tolerate my own company, which is something I really enjoy now.
Looking back now I don't think I'd have liked a brother. I would have quite liked a sister of a similar age to share clothes and make up with but don't think I really missed out as I had a great group of friends. No one to argue with me either which was a bonus.
I don't think it matters, as long as they are able to see friends a few times per week and have time to socialise with other people their age.
I have an only DS (12). I was unable to have another child due to having a brain bleed bought on by pregnancy.
I did struggle initially with the thought of DS being an only and sometimes I still do, but I would say that without a doubt I have coped better as he has got older.
DS seems to have coped and thrived and I don't think it has been an issue for him.
I am an only child as is my mum and I don't think either of us struggled because of it. Of course it's natural to look at big happy families and want that at times but for every one of these families there is a warring family or one where siblings are indifferent.
I do have quite a large family now as DH is one of three and I have some lovely friends also.
As DS has approached his teenage years I feel less the 'odd one out' for having an only child. His friends seem very interested in their own friends at this stage and are forming friendship groups rather than spending lots of time with siblings.
I have made an effort to DS maintain friendships and spend time with friends by being open to sleepovers, giving lifts etc.. This is easier when you only have one child as there is less juggling required.
As time passes I see that really every family is different, all have challenges and differences. Being an only isn't what I wanted for DS but it's where we are and things are just fine. He is a lovely boy, he's growing up fast but still has a kind sunny disposition and I wouldn't change a single thing about him.
They grow up so fast and I try to make the best of every moment that we have together. I think life for me would be much more hectic with several DC, I've been able to work PT, volunteer and have bits of time just DH and I which I'm thankful for.
DH has siblings and he said they played together when they were younger, but once they were old enough to go out unsupervised each sibling had their own friends and didn’t want to play with the others. Then one at a time they left for university at 18 and never came back. So they’ve never really been friends as adults except when they all come home for Christmas or something.
My only has just turned 15. He's sociable, friendly, open and loving. He has a large group of friends both male and female, he chats to adults and kids easily. We have been able to give him opportunitys we would never have managed with more than one.
He doesn't know any different, he has cousins he's close with so has that family link.
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