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One child or two?

(8 Posts)
Newmum26 Sun 10-Mar-19 22:20:27

We have a gorgeous DS who is 22 months old.
Hubby wants another baby as we always said we wanted two children.
I’m reading so much into it though this time and thinking I’m over thinking things too much 🤦🏻*♀️
I know you will say it’s only a decision I can make but I just wanted some advice or similar feelings that you may have felt like me.
In my heart I want another baby, I want a brother or sister for our son it will be nice for him to have a sibling. We always said we wanted two children to complete our family.
I want to enjoy being pregnant again, the scans the labour and birth, the having a newborn again the baby stages etc.
But I also feel guilty. So guilty. Guilty for bringing another child into our happy family of 3, is it fair on my DS? We spend all our time with him, play with him, read with him and he is so loved and happy, I wonder if it’s fair on him?
And before DS I guess you never knew what the sleepless nights were actually like people would tell you about it but this time I think it’s different as I actually know what it’s like 😩 It’s tough! But again is that enough to only stick at one child 🤷🏻*♀️
Anyone felt like this and have any words of advice muchly appreciated ☺️

RDMummy Mon 11-Mar-19 09:39:41

Hi OP. I have one DD who is 5. We never had a set idea about how many children we wanted, I'm not sure how anyone decides before they have the first and find out what it's really like! I never felt any desire for a second, we are perfect as we are and I also felt that introducing someone else into our family would feel like an intrusion! My DD has also told me that she doesn't want any babies in our house grin. I am different to you as you have said that in your heart you want another, and I think you should listen to that. I didn't want to be pregnant and go through the baby stage again as it was a huge struggle for me, so that was a big factor in our decision.

Take the time you need to decide what is best for your family. Just don't feel you have to have another (I have had that pressure from people and I don't really know why). Whatever you decide your DS will be fine!

katienana Mon 11-Mar-19 09:46:42

Hi OP I have 2 boys aged 6 and almost 3. They adore each other. Obviously this isn't something you can guarantee will be the case but seeing them together is just the most beautiful thing. When they have conflicts I think working things out between them is a positive thing as they'll have to do this in other situations. If you were to ask my oldest he would not be without his brother! And the youngest knows no different. I honestly found it all easier 2nd time round because I had much more knowledge and confidence.

Itstartedinbarcelona Mon 11-Mar-19 10:02:01

I had this same problem when my first child had a stroke aged 22 months. She was the centre of our world and it felt wrong to have another one and not be able to devote as much time to her. So glad we did though. DS is 3 years 9 months and they get on really well. They both love having a sibling and they keep each other company on holiday etc. My brothers are ten years older than me so I always felt like an only child growing up and wished I had a sibling my own age. So glad I had them when my parents died (recently) though. It would have been so hard to go through that and decisions about their care etc alone.

VenetiaHall Mon 11-Mar-19 10:02:32

I have two. I was really very unsure about having a second. My first was such hard work. I didn't think I could do it again. My marriage had taken a massive hit, the adjustment to being parents having been in a couple for years was just massive.

In my heart I knew I wanted to try for another baby. We'd had IVF for our son and we had frozen embryos to use. That helped me make the decision as I didn't want to 'waste' them if you see what I mean. In my head I was totally unsure that it was the right decision, all the way through really until she was born and absolutely stole my heart. The utter joy she brings to us, and to her brother especially, is off the scale. I couldn't have pictured it before she arrived. No matter how shitty your day, watching them giggling away together makes everything feel better.

Yes it's hard, my favourite saying is 'if it's not one, it's the other.' They like to tag-team with whining, falling over, needing nappies changed, waking up through the night... it's a sibling skillset I hadn't anticipated grin

It is easier in so many ways though - they entertain one another and keep each other company. DD has hardly had anything bought for her as she plays with his old toys, in his old cot, car seat, buggy etc. You're already in the routine of up early, milk, nappies, activities, naps, early bedtimes, clean up, sit down exhausted, do it all again tomorrow. smile

I was very, very unsure of having a second. I just didn't think I was capable of it. Now... I'm sort of considering... <whispers> trying for a third

I completely understand why people stick with one child. It's lovely in so many ways and makes perfect sense. Don't ever feel bad if you decide just to have one.

PS I'm one of 6 kids, very close to my parents and siblings and never felt I wanted for anything (time or material) growing up. It can be done!

MadeForThis Mon 11-Mar-19 10:05:53

I always knew I wanted 2 dc. So I never worried about the things you do at that point.

However after dd2 I thought about having another and I did have those worries. I was worried about dividing my time amongst 3. Being outnumbered. Needing another bedroom or some dc having to share. My age. Risk of things going wrong. But mostly finances. With 2dds we can comfortably go on holidays, save for university, cars etc

So far I think we will stay with 2dds. Could still change my mind. It's so hard!!

However if you aren't worried about the finances of having 2 then go for it. Yes the relationship changes a bit as you don't have 100% attention for Ds but he will have a brother/sister to play with. That bond is so special. I love watching my DD's together. A friend for life.

I totally believe that you only regret the things you don't do.

puppymouse Mon 11-Mar-19 13:29:21

We have one DD. She is everything I wanted in a child and I feel complete. I also don't feel I have the capacity and patience to parent another child. One is hard enough.

It sounds like you want one yourself - kids adapt and I'm sure your DS would be fine.

Newmum26 Wed 13-Mar-19 14:21:18

Thank you for your replies it's good to know that the feelings and worries I'm feeling are not uncommon and it's nice to hear other people's outcomes and views ☺️ x

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