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Will I be too old or to move on?

(61 Posts)
lighthouse17 Thu 18-Oct-18 07:39:31

Hi everyone I have been here about 2-3 years ago where my husband wasn’t wanting to have another baby. Fast forward a year or 2 he agreed to try and was very happy to do so. I was over the moon. I was 39 at the time so we tried for around 11 cycles and finally got pregnant only to miscarry at around 6weeks. Than my husband wanted to keep going and I got pregnant on the 4th try but again had a very early miscarriage around 5weeks. That takes me to 40 years old and my husband had enough as I nearly died in the recovery room after my operation for the MC. And the second time was just too painful. He took time off to be home with me. It affected our lives as I was too poorly and sad to be there for my daughter. We decided enough was enough so signed my daughter up for a nice private school. We are very with our decision as we have one child and can provide with her with extra things. So I am sitting last night and I know I am ovulating and this thought comes to mind and grab my husband and say I want to get pregnant arghhhh and of he says no. This instinct has such a pull that is too painful to let go. I know I am happy with one child but being 40 and letting go of my dream is too painful. Even if he said let’s try we can’t afford it. I am soooo sad that decision is kind of made for me. I try to think maybe it wasn’t meant to be ... anyone having similar issues or can add some kind words. I think what I am looking for is someone to listen to me and actually writing it here made me feel a better x

BooseysMom Fri 17-May-19 18:49:50

@lighthouse17.. hi, no worries. I've only just found your reply after a few days away. That sounds all good advice from your counsellor. I try to focus on what will be will be and relax and if it's meant to happen it will.
I'm ok thanks. Tried aerobics for the first time for months and felt so wiped afterwards. I can't believe I've lost so much of my fitness. It's so easy to let it slide and before you know it you're back square one!
It's so hard when you hear about other people's pregnancies. DS friend's mum has just had her third and she can't be older than 25! I think omg where did the years go?!
Anyway glad everything is ok .. take care x

lighthouse17 Sun 19-May-19 11:31:23

Thank you for your message. I have been taking the antidepressants for a week now and to be honest I haven’t seen a big difference yet. My sleep has improved and I don’t feel like eating so much. Other than that I still feel sadness about my miscarriages but I think that’s normal. It’s a not a magic pill really smile
It’s much harder when you are on play areas and most people have more than one or pregnant. But I am trying to think positive when I start to feel sad. I look at my daughter and think I am soooo lucky to have her.
Actually this week she wasn’t too well and work was hard to balance to I thought to myself it’s so much easier with one child. I couldn’t even imagine how I would cope with more than one. Of course it’s easier to want more than one when it’s all going well but in reality it’s not.
How old was your child?

BooseysMom Mon 20-May-19 19:49:05

That's funny about the anti depressants not doing much. You'd have thought they'd be doing something by now. Have you got any side effects at all?
Oh yes I know exactly what you mean! I'm like a broken record when I say to people "I don't know anyone copes with more than one!". But it's true..I really do wonder if I would cope and then it wouldn't be fair on the baby and DS if I'm constantly struggling. So yes I do think the same..that I'm so lucky to have DS. He's five and a half by the way. How old is your DD?
I think the Peri menopause is really kicking in now and I just can't understand why the gp won't re test my hormones. She said no as I'm still getting regular periods. But it's been menopause week all last week and honestly I have all the symptoms atm shock

lighthouse17 Fri 24-May-19 13:14:23

I think the anti depressants have kicked in. I feel much less obsessed about getting pregnant or dwelling on my miscarriages which is great. I started to take on hobbies instead. My daughter is 5.5 as well how funny smile
I think this is it for us too. It just too many variables and risks involved. I need to feel better about myself first.
I also thought about pre menapouse because my cycles have been strange for a year now. But my GP did test my hormones so not sure why they won’t test yours? What do they say? My results were fine but even if the results are ok you can still experience premenopause symptoms. Do you have any hobbies?

BooseysMom Sat 25-May-19 22:00:20

Great news the anti depressants have started working! Maybe I need to try them as at times I feel almost suicidal. But atm I'm on a high and making the most of it, except for having a cold! I have AF due in a week and find the week before is not too awful. It's the mid month that I drop right down.
The gp just said as I was having regular periods they wouldn't test my hormones. I went back to see the same one this week and she said my bloods were ok but my urine had blood in so I got a bit anxious and was googling it! Big mistake I know! I have to do follow up samples the next two months.
I haven't got any real hobbies tbh. I used to write short stories and had a few published but gave that up years ago. I'm getting into gardening now we've got a house of our own with a garden. What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?
Yes that is funny our DCs are the same age. smile

lighthouse17 Mon 27-May-19 19:38:43

Omg I was the same around my period. I could literally kill someone lol
Everything my husband does annoys me and I get sooooo emotional. I hate my monthly cycle. Since being on the anti depressants I had one period and it hasn’t been as bad. So fingers crossed 🤞
I started doing some origami and just now learnt to knit but so basic. I actually haven’t got that much time free. I try to do it when she goes to bed than I am knackered by 10pm. I also try to organise play dates and also girls night out maybe once a month.
Once I started to do things for myself I felt less need to want another baby. I never thought I would say this but because I am enjoying gym, and my life more I feel it’s best to have one child and also have spare money and time for myself. I think I lost myself a little in middle of having a baby, caring for a baby and a child. I forgot what it’s like to be me again. I got rid of all of her baby clothes today as well and didn’t feel that sad. I told myself that if we ever decide to get pregnant I can just buy new ones but I really doubt it to be honest. Also financially doesn’t make sense to have another one.
I am sorry to hear about your urine results. I am the same googling forever for things. I had a scan and she was a little concerned a out a cyst on my right side which causes pain. It’s about 3.5cm and I also started googling of course things coming up about cancer etc!
It’s best not to google and just let it be otherwise you get more anxious but I do the same smile hopefully your next urine test would be ok and my next scan. We have to think positive if we can.

lighthouse17 Mon 27-May-19 19:42:06

Also wow about writing short stories and published! Maybe you can give me some names and I can read them?
Gardening is a great hobby by the way , very relaxing and rewarding. I should also try it if I have time.

BooseysMom Wed 29-May-19 21:40:26

I have AF here atm. Very painful and I've got a cold and bad throat so a double whammy!
You're so good going to the gym...puts me to shame. I just never feel well enough.
You were very brave and decisive to get rid of the baby clothes. Well done! It took me years too. What have you done with yours? Did your cyst go away on its own? I had one too. A functional one and it was in the days before googling! It was agony and I remember having to stop the car and get out doubled-up at the side of the road! It did disperse on its own in the end. They thought it was ectopic pregnancy.
Thanks for your messages. You're right, we need to stay positive.
I'll see if i can dig out a story and pm it to you. You'll prob see why I gave up!

lighthouse17 Wed 29-May-19 22:31:21

How funny as I just started my period too I think. I am saying I think it’s because I had a 3 day bleed 13 days ago which I thought it was a period. I am so confused. So I had my d&c on the 21st of April. I bleed a couple of days than it stopped completely. Than after 2 weeks started again and again today! I have no idea what’s going on.
I am hoping my cyst will go away on it’s own too. They will rescan in a couple of weeks time.
I also never felt well enough to go but once you start going you actually feel better.
By the way have you had any miscarriages before?
I am looking forward to your story smile

BooseysMom Fri 31-May-19 23:16:54

Sounds like your cycle is still erratic but it should sort itself out soon. I had two miscarriages before DS. They were both around 6-8 weeks..the 2nd one was particularly painful and i had to go to hosp but didn't have to have a d&c. Then when we found out about DS I was 12 wks preg! I still had periods although they were a few days late and then when I had no bleeding at all on the 3rd month I went to get checked thinking it was menopause and was sent for an urgent scan and there DS was all along in there with me blissfully unaware!! So he is extra special for sure smile
Well the stories are in a box in the shed somewhere so I'll have to dig them out..might take a while

stemdert Thu 15-Aug-19 19:10:33

Just came across this thread and wondered how you were doing @lighthouse17

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