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Will I be too old or to move on?

(61 Posts)
lighthouse17 Thu 18-Oct-18 07:39:31

Hi everyone I have been here about 2-3 years ago where my husband wasn’t wanting to have another baby. Fast forward a year or 2 he agreed to try and was very happy to do so. I was over the moon. I was 39 at the time so we tried for around 11 cycles and finally got pregnant only to miscarry at around 6weeks. Than my husband wanted to keep going and I got pregnant on the 4th try but again had a very early miscarriage around 5weeks. That takes me to 40 years old and my husband had enough as I nearly died in the recovery room after my operation for the MC. And the second time was just too painful. He took time off to be home with me. It affected our lives as I was too poorly and sad to be there for my daughter. We decided enough was enough so signed my daughter up for a nice private school. We are very with our decision as we have one child and can provide with her with extra things. So I am sitting last night and I know I am ovulating and this thought comes to mind and grab my husband and say I want to get pregnant arghhhh and of he says no. This instinct has such a pull that is too painful to let go. I know I am happy with one child but being 40 and letting go of my dream is too painful. Even if he said let’s try we can’t afford it. I am soooo sad that decision is kind of made for me. I try to think maybe it wasn’t meant to be ... anyone having similar issues or can add some kind words. I think what I am looking for is someone to listen to me and actually writing it here made me feel a better x

lighthouse17 Thu 18-Oct-18 07:40:36

Also my other questions if we wait till I am 41, will I be too old to TTC again ? I mean I am struggling to stay pregnant at 40 so maybe this was my only chance ?

stellabird Thu 18-Oct-18 07:44:11

I know how it feels to have the decision taken away from you. I had a hysterectomy at 35 so I've been there ( in a permanent way). And yes I did used to get that "pull" when I was ovulating, even after the surgery.

It's up to you what you do, but nature does seem to be telling you something. Best wishes, whatever you decided to do.

Aprilislonggone Thu 18-Oct-18 07:55:08

I had ds at 43, but 3 chemicals and a mmc at a week off 45. Took a while but accepted its over for me. Ask your Dr for some blood work to check your levels etc.. Sorry ttc is so rubbish for you. Its a tough business ime.

Sugarypie Thu 18-Oct-18 08:12:34

I know the risks definitely go up by age so I am thinking if I am struggling to stay pregnant at the age of 40 than my chances even reduced next year. Also not knowing my I am having miscarriages, they are saying it was a 'bad' egg, but it could my hormones , something else. I know something has changed since I turned 39 as I am now getting very very painful ovulation pains like my ovaries and uterus is being ripped apart. The pain is quite low down, it than continues till I get my period. I had this exact pain when I started to miscarry. I mentioned to a gynecologist my GP and noone seems concerned. I also had laparoscopy to check and they only find mild endo which wouldn't affect fertility. I know I can get pregnant, and its not ectopic but why it won't stick. Anyway even if my DH agreed to TTC, we can't afford 2 kids in private school. I would have loved to have another baby instead of private school of course but it just didn't happen so we said oh lets do that for her and now I think it was a mistake as now I have no chance even trying for a baby. Unless we come to some money, than things will change but I will be too old to have a baby than. oh I wish things would have been different...

Sugarypie Thu 18-Oct-18 08:13:28

sorry to hear about your stellabird. It must have been hard to go through this at 35. Do you have any children already?

Sugarypie Thu 18-Oct-18 08:14:06

also sorry to hear about your miscarriages Aprilislonggone, do you also have any children?

Sugarypie Thu 18-Oct-18 08:14:59

sorry just read you your DS at 43 , thats amazing!

Aprilislonggone Thu 18-Oct-18 08:44:49

I have many dc but only 1 with dh, was being greedy I know wanting a last one, 'the urge' is still there regardless of being a dm already.

CaptSkippy Thu 18-Oct-18 08:52:58

You can conceive up untill menopause, I believe. The question is where or not it's wise. Children need an average of 25 years to become financially independent. By that time you will by 65 or older. Do you want that and how much will you be able to offer your children in their teens and early twenties at that age?

mememr Tue 02-Apr-19 16:59:24

@lighthouse17 @Sugarypie

Did you make a decision?

lighthouse17 Tue 02-Apr-19 18:21:03

@mememr we weren’t trying but not preventing either for couple of months and I found out I am pregnant last week. Having had 2 miscarriages I am a nervous wreck as I am having very bad period like pains so getting monitored at the moment. My hcg levels gone up but I am going for a repeat again tomorrow to put my mind at ease.

mememr Tue 02-Apr-19 22:57:33

Congrats @lighthouse17 . Fingers crossed for good news for you

BooseysMom Wed 10-Apr-19 19:23:14

Just reading this thread and wanted to that's fantastic news..Congratulations @lighthouse17 ..keep us posted with news flowers ps. i had DS at 41!

lighthouse17 Wed 10-Apr-19 19:26:34

Thank you @booseysmom
I am so excited and scared at the same time but also soooo happy and I can’t believe in pregnant. It’s like a dream smile

BooseysMom Sun 14-Apr-19 21:42:36

@lighthouse17.. how are you since our last posts? What were your levels? Hope all ok x

lighthouse17 Mon 15-Apr-19 05:25:11

@booseymum my levels were good and I managed to get week 6! I am having a scan either today or tomorrow and I will let you know

BooseysMom Mon 15-Apr-19 21:31:05

@lighthouse17..hurrah! Fab news! Good luck with your scan. Post a pic if you like..I love a scan photo smile

lighthouse17 Tue 16-Apr-19 06:24:43

@booseysmum I am so worried as I measured behind and there was only the sac. I have to be rescanned on Friday and if still nothing than not good news

mememr Tue 16-Apr-19 10:07:11

Good luck @lighthouse17

Thinking of you

BooseysMom Fri 19-Apr-19 22:26:16

@lighthouse17.. only just seen your msg.. Sorry a bit late. How are you now?

BaaBaaBaaMoo Fri 19-Apr-19 22:31:53

@lighthouse17 hope all is well. X

lighthouse17 Sat 20-Apr-19 10:45:44

@baabaabaamoo I had my scan. They dated me 3-4 days earlier and the heartrate was slow. So I was dated 6+1 weeks. She said I need to monitored as it can be a bit too early to get a good heartrate but I am a bit worried as you do. I am going to see someone else on Monday to get another opinion. Anyone has any experience with early scans? I am not sure if it’s normal to have slow heartrate at this stage.

lighthouse17 Mon 22-Apr-19 19:33:19

Unfortunately baby’s heart stopped and I had d&c yesterday. The yolk was too big as well. I am absolutely devastated. This was my last chance and 3rd miscarriage. I am grieving and it’s such a lonely place. I have no idea how and when I will move on from this. To me I lost something so precious but to everyone else nothing. Everyone keeps telling me it wasn’t a baby yet and I should just move on. I am soooo sad sad

mememr Tue 23-Apr-19 08:14:39

So sorry to hear your update @lighthouse17

Don't really know what to say to help but thinking of you 💐 x

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